help! Why can't I just chill about this?

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Sunshine

HUH?? I'm an enneagram 4. I don't understand not seeking an identity. Lol.
LOL! WAIT! You're a 4 too. Hmm. Well I do feel like my identity changes so I guess I know what you mean...it happens a lot that one day I'm one way...maybe a particular side of me is showing...and then another day I'm another way...another side showing or maybe another side coupled with another mood.

I see what you mean... Could be I'm not an enneagram type 4 then... (or it's possible I'm a 4 with a 3 wing?). To be honest, I was never quite certain where I fit best in the enneagram.

But I dunno.. I'm not convinced that I seek identity in the same way as the NFs do. I guess I always tried to reveal whatever I saw as being my identity -- my beliefs, my worldview, my feelings-- through my art and other ways of visual/physical expression, but that this ongoing revealing was free to change along with my revising or revisiting my opinions.

I could be wrong (please chime in here and correct me if I am, NFs) but from what I gather, identity-seeking for NFs is related to asking yourself "who am I ultimately", apart from here-and-now circumstances. Although this is an interesting question, I kind of feel like I get bogged down in abstractions -- like it's a rhetorical question that really doesn't have any answer no matter how much time you set aside to think about it. I'm much more comfortable asking myself what sort of impact I want to have on others right now, and how do I envision having good impact on others in the future...

I'm looking in my Berens book on temperament right now, and in the glossary, she writes in the NF column under Unique Identity: "Idealists [NFs] are forever in search of the answer to the question, 'Who am I?'" The SPs are said to value more the ability to make an impact: "Many of us want to have an impact, but the need for the Artisan [SP] to elicit an immediate response from others is stronger and more concrete (here and now) than for the rest of us. This need for impact also shows in the drive to actin to get a result."

I actually think I really appreciate the NFs wanting to know and display their true identity. Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to them (heck, my Better Half is one!) I guess for some reason I confidently think I know who I am -- it's who I am right here and now. The identity I had yesterday doesn't matter except that today I have a choice to act in ways that have a positive impact right now, and try to change a negative impact I may have had on others up until right now. My identity could change at any moment depending on the quality of the choices I make.

Do you see identity as more of a permanent thing? I LOVE how you describe different sides of your personality showing up under different circumstances, kind of like we're prisms that you can see different views through depending on the way you look at us, but that all the views are part of the same being. Probably one reason why many of us aren't easy to type at a glance.

Whoo! I'll have to think about this some more.

Sarah
ISFP

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Firelie

You're right. You shouldn't care.

It's just a label, like any other.

I compare it to a filing system. There's one filing cabinet I maintain at work for building services and maintenance (it's a real estate company) and when other companies send in information about their businesses, I get to file the papers away by the category. The other day I got a new flyer about a janitorial service company that also offered window cleaning and pressure washing. Now, there's a folder for janitorial services, and a folder for pressure washing & window services. I was torn between which to put it in. In the end I opted for the Janitorial folder, because that's what the company was, a janitorial company. I decided that the fact that they offered pressure washing services didn't make them a pressure washing company.

Moral of that incredibly boring story: So you offer more than your type regularly does...that doesn't mean you aren't your type. Some people just can't see past the pressure washing.

Actually, your story makes me bow to your impressive use of extraverted thinking! Someday maybe I'll develop my inferior function to the point where I can get my desk "roughly organized", and then I'll feel like I really accomplished something.

I kind of think that many people would love to be able to speed-read others types (I guess that would be a satisfying accomplishment?), whereas I kind of doubt it's possible even for the type theorists.

Sarah
ISFP

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

No correction necessary, I think that's about as good as it can possibly be put. I think I just teared up a bit in fact.

I'm glad I was able to say something that meant something to others and not just me.

Sarah
ISFP

[Jeffster]

I wonder if a higher percentage of ISFPs pick NFs as mates. All of my serious relationships have been. It's like we connect on the strong feeling level, and they bring out our more fantasy side or something. Of course, in my case, they all ended badly, so maybe it's not such a good idea.

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

I wonder if a higher percentage of ISFPs pick NFs as mates. All of my serious relationships have been. It's like we connect on the strong feeling level, and they bring out our more fantasy side or something. Of course, in my case, they all ended badly, so maybe it's not such a good idea.

I had, like, reeeally awful relationships with at least four NF guys when I was in college and grad school (I'm guessing that was their temperament) before finally finding the gem of a guy who apparently thinks I'm loveable despite my imperfections. Don't give up on the NFs! When they really love a person wholeheartedly, they are WONDERFUL at knowing just how to make you feel like you have great worth regardless of circumstances or superficial behavior. I the ones who don't let silly unattainable ideals prevent them from appreciating real flesh-and-blood human beings.

Either that or I was predestined to marry a guy who embodied both the faults and the virtues of the parent I least understood when I was a teenager. Mom's an INFJ and I married an ENFJ. Heh.

Sarah
ISFP

[Quinlan]

Originally Posted by sarah

I LOVE how you describe different sides of your personality showing up under different circumstances, kind of like we're prisms that you can see different views through depending on the way you look at us, but that all the views are part of the same being. Probably one reason why many of us aren't easy to type at a glance.

The more I read from you guys (other ISFPs) the more comfortable I feel with being myself, I agree completely.

[Bella]

Originally Posted by Quinlan

The more I read from you guys (other ISFPs) the more comfortable I feel with being myself, I agree completely.

Ah, the wonder that is MBTIC! Who needs a therapist.

I'm inclined to send donations or at the very least, Xmas gifts......

[Quinlan]

Originally Posted by Bella

Ah, the wonder that is MBTIC! Who needs a therapist.

Doesn't mean the other types don't do my head in...