Need for freedom and control-freakiness?

["?"]

Originally Posted by alicia91

I have a real issue with some of these things and I often remind him of my need to manouver, set my own pace, etc. and he believes that this is all a crock and that it's basically just me being a control-freak.....
I admit that I've not given this any indepth thought, but just curious what your thoughts are. I guess what I'm asking is - is the need for freedom really about control for many of you?

BTW- I don't think that I'm a control-freak at all, that's just his interpretation. But typed me as an ISTJ (but admits I'm more creative)!

Well I voice my ditto on everyone's need for freedom, however the need is different. I can work within the parameters of a structured establishment in fact I want the structure. However I do want to know how far I can push the envelope to assure that I at least feel that I have freedom.

As for your hubby's insinuation that you are a control freak Alicia, sure you are as are we all. Keep in mind that our dominant function is a judging one (Ti). Contrary to Keirsey's theory for SPs (in particularly ISPs) we do not rule by our auxiliary and in fact like many introverted types, the function may be undeveloped. So contrary to the assertion that ISTJs or even IJs in general appear controlling is only relative to how developed their auxiliary may be. The thinking functions are similar in that with any judging function we want structure regardless of the attitude.

[substitute]

Unless Maverick was born perfect, he probably went through phases like this himself at some point in his life. Maybe he could tell you from an insider's view, how an ENTJ can get to thinking around that sorta behaviour... he's pretty balanced now (or at least seems to be lol). In all probability he won't look at this thread though, so give himm a shout. He usually helps out

[Sunshine]

I hate being told what to do. I always have and I always will.

I'm the farthest thing from a control freak that there ever was. Control others? NEVER. Control what I do with my own life? YES.

ISPness. That's just what it is.

[Mo_(operalover)]

Originally Posted by sarah

To this day, if anyone tries to tell me what I "ought" to do, my immediate impulse is to stonewall them. If I end up doing what they suggest, then I try to make it clear to them that it's not their telling me what to do that influenced me.

We are the premier rebels; in our own understated way of course.

[Jeffster]

One time when I was probably 7 or 8, we were at my ESTJ grandmother's house, and she brought me a bowl of ice cream after my meal. I didn't immediately say "thank you" so she took the bowl away. I said "No! Bring it back!" She did and set it down again and waited for a second. I still didn't say "thank you" so she took it away again.

I knew what she wanted me to say, and that's precisely why I couldn't do it. It was more important for me to maintain my own personal freedom by fighting her on that than it was to get the yummy tasty ice cream that awaited me if I only said two measly words.

I never had any explanation for that confrontation before I started reading the personality type stuff. Now I see it as a pretty classic SJ authority vs. SP child battle. Neither of us were gonna give an inch because we both thought our way was best. I regretted not having the ice cream, but I still wouldn't admit defeat, because she didn't get me to bow to her rules. When I tell people of other temperaments that story, they don't understand why I would deny my own pleasure just to resist being directed. It doesn't make any sense to them, but my fellow SPs know exactly what I'm talking about.

[ptgatsby]

Have to agree with everything here re: resisting being told what to do. I did this extremely often and it was very self destructive. Mostly over it now, but... sometimes the impulse comes back.

Failed courses, lost money... done so many stupid things, now that I think back.

[substitute]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

.....When I tell people of other temperaments that story, they don't understand why I would deny my own pleasure just to resist being directed. It doesn't make any sense to them, but my fellow SPs know exactly what I'm talking about.

your fellow P here has fought similar skirmishes and understands perfectly, for all that he's an N

[alicia91]

Well then, perhaps all this resisting being directed is a control issue? But rather than it being directed towards others, it's an internal thing. I guess it doesn't matter what it is, most of us SPs feel the same way.

[Jae Rae]

I don't see the wish to be thanked for a kindness as control-freakiness.

Letting the pizza burn because someone says "your timer just went off" (ie, it's time to take the pizza out) doesn't make sense to me, but I've known people to do this.

[Jeffster]

Originally Posted by substitute

your fellow P here has fought similar skirmishes and understands perfectly, for all that he's an N

Yeah, if anyone else can understand, it's the NTs. They just might have not chosen to pick that particular battle, whereas for me it felt like I had no choice, the battle picked me.