ISTJs & Feelings

[2XtremeENFP]

I don't know if this quality goes across all ISTJs or with just the one that I know...but...

if an ISTJ ever decides on something by their "feelings" instead of "thinking", do they feel like they have no self control? If so, why is that?

[dnivera]

Yes. If I make an impulse decision - say I decide to get a cream puff instead of a chocolate biscotti - I often feel regret. I'd rather spend some time deliberating beforehand. I'd scold myself for not making a better decision and beat myself up for having to suffer the consequences.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by dnivera

Yes. If I make an impulse decision - say I decide to get a cream puff instead of a chocolate biscotti - I often feel regret. I'd rather spend some time deliberating beforehand. I'd scold myself for not making a better decision and beat myself up for having to suffer the consequences.

It's funny you focused on sensory-related choices.

What about relational ones, such as when you feel angry with someone?

[dnivera]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

It's funny you focused on sensory-related choices.

What about relational ones, such as when you feel angry with someone?

Hmm. Do I feel out of control when that happens? Yes, because that behavior was unpredicted. It wasn't part of the "itinerary" to have an argument or have our day ruined by anger.
Are fights ever planned or scheduled? No, and that makes me feel out of control because the rest of my day gets thrown off-kilter.

[2XtremeENFP]

How can you convince an ISTJ that, at times, it's okay to make a decision based off feeling rather than logic? or is there no way to?

[aguanile]

I hate! making feelings-based decisions and I generally regret it afterwards

[dnivera]

Depends on how important the decision is to the ISTJ.

A good way to show an ISTJ that it's OK to make decisions based on feelings is by showing them that over-thinking decisions, without listening to your gut, can have negative consequences. For example, an ISTJ pre-med was flunking all of his classes and compromising his health but still wouldn't change majors so he wouldn't disappoint his parents' expectations of becoming a doctor. He pursued this goal even though everything else suffered.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by dnivera

Depends on how important the decision is to the ISTJ.

A good way to show an ISTJ that it's OK to make decisions based on feelings is by showing them that over-thinking decisions, without listening to your gut, can have negative consequences. For example, an ISTJ pre-med was flunking all of his classes and compromising his health but still wouldn't change majors so he wouldn't disappoint his parents' expectations of becoming a doctor. He pursued this goal even though everything else suffered.

But don't you still then just approach it through Thinking again?

IOW, the ISTJ is still thinking through things. Logically, if one's health suffers enough, then it becomes more logical to suffer the parents disappointment than to kill oneself through overwork. Does the ISTJ approach it with logic, in that sort of way, rather than still "feeling" it? The logic is still making the decision, except the "gut" is now credited as a valid source of information that must be taken into account rather than viewed suspiciously.

I'm just curious, this is a very insightful thread.

[dnivera]

Yup, I agree it's still thinking in this case.

Maybe F is just really foreign to me!

[IntermitntTranquiliT]

Very interesting! My husband is ISTJ. After 16 years of marriage, only now am I beginning to understand him.

He definitely thinks through any decision he makes (and re-thinks, and scrutinizes...)

It takes him several months to decide on a car. He will research magazines, internet, in person, etc. He will ultimately know more about a vehicle than the salesperson does. Boy, does he beat himself up if every step isn't planned and executed very precisely.