Relationship Advice from Me

[LadyJaye]

Dear Agony Aunt Edahn,

I saw two furries having sex in a night club and now I feel unwell. What can I do to get that horrific image out of my mind?

[Hmm]

Originally Posted by Edahn

Yeah, I am. Either to become a therapist or researcher/clinician. I've always been interested in psych.

Yay! That's awesome. I think you'll be good at it .

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by LadyJaye

Dear Agony Aunt Edahn,

I saw two furries having sex in a night club and now I feel unwell. What can I do to get that horrific image out of my mind?

This isn't really relationship advice, but worrying about the disturbing image arising is, I bet, causing you to think about it and summon the image. To reduce the worrying, you could take the bothersome image and manipulate it somehow to make it funny or absurd or lame. That way you won't have to worry about it coming up anymore and it'll dissolve on its own.

[Johnny23]

My girlfriend left me for her ex-husband and didn't tell me until after the fact. How should I kill them both and dispose of the bodies?

signed,
Disgruntled in Washington

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by Johnny23

My girlfriend left me for her ex-husband and didn't tell me until after the fact. How should I kill them both and dispose of the bodies?

signed,
Disgruntled in Washington

Physically killing her will do nothing to alleviate your suffering; you might feel good for a few seconds, but then remorse and shock will set in and those are much harder to escape than your own feelings of hurt and betrayal.

If you really want to "kill" her, you have to kill your attachment to her and to the circumstances under which she left you. That essentially means looking into your own anger and getting in touch with the hurt and pain that lies underneath. In other words, you grieve. As a byproduct of connecting to the feelings of hurt, rejection, and resentment, you'll be able to start to let go of your attachments and you'll get a much clearer, objective picture of what happened. This'll happen naturally, it's not something you can rush or force by skipping steps. Most likely, your newfound understanding of the situation will let you further let go of your pain and of her and come to some kind of resolution -- either because you will see that it wasn't meant to be, or that you were able to learn something, or that maybe this situation is best -- and at that point, she'll be as good as dead.

To jump-start the grieving process, you could write her a handwritten letter telling her about all the ways that she hurt you, what she meant to you, and what you will miss. You could take a day or two and reminisce about what you guys had in order to make your letter complete and heart-felt. If there's a more personal method that you have in mind, go for that. The more personal, the better.

[nottaprettygal]

Originally Posted by Edahn

Then you should immediately point to the fact that she's created an argument that can't be falsified because she knows she's wrong and has nothing else to stand on.

Haha. This is what he told me the other day when I began an argument with, "This is how you and my dad are alike!!!" So, unfortunately, he's following your second piece of advice while I'm following the first, so no one wins.

Booooo!

So, is there a third piece of advice to totally pwn someone?

[Haight]

*finger caresses ban button in Edahn's profile*

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by nottaprettygal

Haha. This is what he told me the other day when I began an argument with, "This is how you and my dad are alike!!!" So, unfortunately, he's following your second piece of advice while I'm following the first, so no one wins.

Booooo!

So, is there a third piece of advice to totally pwn someone?

Originally Posted by Haight

*finger caresses ban button in Edahn's profile*

The third piece of advice is to actually resolve the argument using healthy communication. That means (1) acknowledging how you may have misled your opponent partner (2) trying to see why your partner may be reacting the way that are (3) communicating your understanding in (2) to your partner by saying something simple like "I'm not ready to say I'm wrong, but I can see how if you thought I meant [blah], you would be offended or angry." (4) Using a little humor to diffuse some residual tension (5) apologizing or coming to some mutual resolution to try and improve your situation and avoid the problem (doesn't have to be major) and (6) when your partner is truly calm and tender, saying "I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING THE WHOLE TIME. I DIDN'T MEAN A WORD OF THAT, SUCKER."

[PinkPiranha]

Originally Posted by Edahn

The third piece of advice is to actually resolve the argument using healthy communication. That means (1) acknowledging how you may have misled your opponent partner (2) trying to see why your partner may be reacting the way that are (3) communicating your understanding in (2) to your partner by saying something simple like "I'm not ready to say I'm wrong, but I can see how if you thought I meant [blah], you would be offended or angry." (4) Using a little humor to diffuse some residual tension (5) apologizing or coming to some mutual resolution to try and improve your situation and avoid the problem (doesn't have to be major) and (6) when your partner is truly calm and tender, saying "I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING THE WHOLE TIME. I DIDN'T MEAN A WORD OF THAT, SUCKER."

Can I reserve the use of that too? It might come in handy down the road.

Gaslighting is AWESOME.

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Originally Posted by LadyJaye

Dear Agony Aunt Edahn,

I saw two furries having sex in a night club and now I feel unwell. What can I do to get that horrific image out of my mind?

Originally Posted by Edahn

This isn't really relationship advice, but worrying about the disturbing image arising is, I bet, causing you to think about it and summon the image. To reduce the worrying, you could take the bothersome image and manipulate it somehow to make it funny or absurd or lame. That way you won't have to worry about it coming up anymore and it'll dissolve on its own.

BOOOO! I was really hoping that this query would result in a therapy session using anatomically correct Beanie Babies. I'm not certain of the efficacy, but it would sure be entertaining.