Relationship Advice from Me

[Haight]

When you're in a relationship where you and your spouse believe that they/we are always right, how do you convince the other when you are more right.

[Uberfuhrer]

Originally Posted by Edahn

Sure. Let go of trying to be someone else all the time, including the dark and desperate guy who can't have a relationship that's not somehow perverted. Even you, Uber, can have a normal, fruitful relationship. You have some interesting things to offer a companion. Sometimes we see them, sometimes we don't, but I believe you're in better shape than lots of people.

I think you probably need to start by making some (more) real life friends by hanging out in places when you don't have to "front." For you, that means a place where you don't have to act all morbid and dark, but could if you wanted to, in moderation. I get the impression that you need to learn how to make friends, especially with females. I think that will go a long way for you. Have you ever had a female friend, not on the internet? Is making friends an option for you, or do you need some ideas/advice there too?

Actually, in high school, a great number of my friends were female. Although, along with everyone else, I never felt comfortably doing things with them outside of school. I never really cared to interact with other people and I never really cared about what they were interested in. I've always been a loner.

My interests have always been of the obscure kind. I mean, most people have a casual interest in movies, but my interest in them was unusually intense and complex. While others enjoyed movies as popcorn entertainment and seemed to place more emphasis on things like the stars, I critiqued the technical aspects and studied how films were made and my past times included making up movies of my own in my head.

Friends are not really an option for me right now because most of the ones I had have moved on. The acquaintances I had in the past all happened by fate, but I never really thought of interacting with anyone intimately. It wasn't because I was shy at the time, it was just that I was simply not interested. I found going my own way was a lot more efficient for me. As I reflect on it, I actually was not shy -- I was always able to speak up clearly and able to stand my own ground in my school years. In fact, I think I was a bit more provocative than my peers. I think I was reasonably popular in high school, but in a more notorious way. But after school, I went back to my loner ways, and drifted into my daily routine of going home and pursuing my own interests. I didn't really think about actually interacting with others outside of school.

I think many people (girls included) in high school saw me as good-natured and likable, but also eccentric. So I guess you could say that I was basically an extrovert who lacked an interest in actual socializing. Having said that, I probably was not the kind of guy girls would be interested in romantically. Although I remember instants where I did kind of flirt with other girls, but at the time, I was unconscious that I was actually flirting, but I can now see how girls could've seen it that way, awkward though it may have been. Though it was never a sincere interest in interaction with girls; that has only happened recently.

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by Haight

When you're in a relationship where you and your spouse believe that they/we are always right, how do you convince the other when you are more right.

You could try using an ad hominem that repudiates the basis of her opinion, rather than the opinion itself. Meaning, instead of saying what's wrong with her opinion, suggest that she lacks the experience to even form such an opinion. The more nebulous the reason, the better, because she can't really defend against it. If she tries to call you out, you can acknowledge that it might sound unfair, but it's just the way things are. It's like people invalidating n00b-criticisms on the basis that the n00bs haven't been participating long enough on the site.

[PinkPiranha]

That's both evil and practical. lol

[Haight]

Originally Posted by Edahn

You could try using an ad hominem that repudiates the basis of her opinion, rather than the opinion itself. Meaning, instead of saying what's wrong with her opinion, suggest that she lacks the experience to even form such an opinion. The more nebulous the reason, the better, because she can't really defend against it. If she tries to call you out, you can acknowledge that it might sound unfair, but it's just the way things are. It's like people invalidating n00b-criticisms on the basis that the n00bs haven't been participating long enough on the site.

Yeah, that's a great idea except that's what she does to me.

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer

Friends are not really an option for me right now because most of the ones I had have moved on. The acquaintances I had in the past all happened by fate, but I never really thought of interacting with anyone intimately...

I didn't really think about actually interacting with others outside of school...

Having said that, I probably was not the kind of guy girls would be interested in romantically. Although I remember instants where I did kind of flirt with other girls, but at the time, I was unconscious that I was actually flirting, but I can now see how girls could've seen it that way, awkward though it may have been. Though it was never a sincere interest in interaction with girls; that has only happened recently.

So, am I right to say you don't have any intimate relationships with any girls right now, but that you are interested in having some type of relationship with them, friendship or romantic?

Do you have any real life friendships with guys?

I'm curious what you think about this personality type. Here's a test that might help clarify some things. You don't have to post the results, but I'm curious what your score is for schizoid, which is common in INTs, apparently.

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by Haight

Yeah, that's a great idea except that's what she does to me.

Then you should immediately point to the fact that she's created an argument that can't be falsified because she knows she's wrong and has nothing else to stand on. P.S. That's the first time I ever used that smiley, and I feel dirty.

[bluemonday]

Originally Posted by Edahn

.. I'm curious what your score is for schizoid, which is common in INTs, apparently.

Hey Edahn, don't give up the day job!

[Hmm]

Edahn, are you thinking of going to grad school to become a therapist?

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by bluemonday

Hey Edahn, don't give up the day job!

Heh, okay.

Originally Posted by Hmm

Edahn, are you thinking of going to grad school to become a therapist?

Yeah, I am. Either to become a therapist or researcher/clinician. I've always been interested in psych.