Confidence level in your SO.

ajblaise · 10-09-2008, 04:19 PM

How confident do you like your romantic interests to be? Do you distinguish between different types of confidence, such as compensatory pseudo-confidence and true confidence? Is there a point when confidence just becomes obnoxious for you?

I suppose confidence is more of an issue for women concerning men, but in women, I appreciate it a lot but sometimes it is clear to me that it's disingenuous to a degree and is used to cover up something.

Metamorphosis · 10-09-2008, 04:27 PM

I like confidence, but not to the point of steam rolling. If they appear too confident, it kind of turns me off in the sense that I don't feel like they actually need me for anything.

I prefer cuteness over complete domination.

Beat · 10-09-2008, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

I like confidence, but not to the point of steam rolling. If they appear too confident, it kind of turns me off in the sense that I don't feel like they actually need me for anything.

+1

disregard · 10-09-2008, 04:34 PM

I appreciate an implicit confidence that is used to treat others well.

INTJMom · 10-09-2008, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajblaise

How confident do you like your romantic interests to be? Do you distinguish between different types of confidence, such as compensatory pseudo-confidence and true confidence? Is there a point when confidence just becomes obnoxious for you?

I suppose confidence is more of an issue for women concerning men, but in women, I appreciate it a lot but sometimes it is clear to me that it's disingenuous to a degree and is used to cover up something.

This is a funny question for me because I was actually attracted to my ISTP husband because he was overtly confident.
Of course, after being married to him for many years, it became annoying.

Bella · 10-09-2008, 04:40 PM

Not loudly confident, I can't keep up with that. Quietly confident is nice.

ajblaise · 10-09-2008, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disregard

I appreciate an implicit confidence that is used to treat others well.

Do you have an example of this in mind?

disregard · 10-09-2008, 04:43 PM

I don't have an example.. but I've noticed the friends I've kept in my life are genuinely nice people. People can often be nasty because they aren't truly confident in their worth, desirability, etc, and so they are defensive, aggressive, rude, to you or others before you can reject them in some way.

ajblaise · 10-09-2008, 04:44 PM

gotcha

disregard · 10-09-2008, 04:50 PM

I don't like a confidence that condescends either. That's sort of what I meant. I like confidence that is used to be a "better" person.. not a worse one.

10-09-2008, 04:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
ajblaise Postmaster General Join Date: Aug 2008 Type: INTP Location: Potsdam, NY Posts: 2,219	Confidence level in your SO. How confident do you like your romantic interests to be? Do you distinguish between different types of confidence, such as compensatory pseudo-confidence and true confidence? Is there a point when confidence just becomes obnoxious for you? I suppose confidence is more of an issue for women concerning men, but in women, I appreciate it a lot but sometimes it is clear to me that it's disingenuous to a degree and is used to cover up something.

10-09-2008, 04:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
Metamorphosis The 8 formerly known as 5 Join Date: May 2007 Type: INTJ Location: TEXAS! the state formerly known as a country Posts: 2,457	I like confidence, but not to the point of steam rolling. If they appear too confident, it kind of turns me off in the sense that I don't feel like they actually need me for anything. I prefer cuteness over complete domination. __________________ The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. - Henry David Thoreau Truths are a useless fiction. - Nietzsche "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do."

10-09-2008, 04:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Bella Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Type: ISTJ Location: South African in the USA Posts: 1,546	Not loudly confident, I can't keep up with that. Quietly confident is nice. __________________ yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

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10-09-2008, 04:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
disregard Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INTJ Location: Corona del Mar, CA Posts: 5,254	I appreciate an implicit confidence that is used to treat others well.

10-09-2008, 04:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
disregard Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INTJ Location: Corona del Mar, CA Posts: 5,254	I don't have an example.. but I've noticed the friends I've kept in my life are genuinely nice people. People can often be nasty because they aren't truly confident in their worth, desirability, etc, and so they are defensive, aggressive, rude, to you or others before you can reject them in some way.

10-09-2008, 04:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
ajblaise Postmaster General Join Date: Aug 2008 Type: INTP Location: Potsdam, NY Posts: 2,219	gotcha

10-09-2008, 04:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
disregard Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INTJ Location: Corona del Mar, CA Posts: 5,254	I don't like a confidence that condescends either. That's sort of what I meant. I like confidence that is used to be a "better" person.. not a worse one.