Confidence level in your SO.

[ajblaise]

Originally Posted by disregard

I don't like a confidence that condescends either. That's sort of what I meant. I like confidence that is used to be a "better" person.. not a worse one.

What about condescension that is totally in jest? Tongue-in-cheek teasing. Or do you not consider that true condescension?

[disregard]

It's not true condescension, if it's in jest, so I wouldn't mind.

That might even be attractive. Humor is often attractive.

[Randomnity]

Originally Posted by Bella

Not loudly confident, I can't keep up with that. Quietly confident is nice.

+1

[Jennifer]

I just like confidence where people seem at peace with themselves and quietly believe in their own competence, so you can tell they're not always vying to prove themselves or jockey for position. They're self-secure, even while they are honest about their own strengths and weaknesses and successes and failures. They've got nothing to prove or deny.

I don't consider confidence that is self-seeking to be "confidence," that's more like bravado or hubris and it turns me off.

[runvardh]

Confident enough to actually believe she's worth something to me. When I say it I mean it, I don't want the words bouncing off a wall of "lacking self worth".

[Nighthawk]

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

I like confidence, but not to the point of steam rolling. If they appear too confident, it kind of turns me off in the sense that I don't feel like they actually need me for anything.

That sums it up pretty well for me too. I like a confident SO who can navigate their own way through the world and stand up for themselves. Cockiness or arrogance however, significantly diminishes the person in my eyes. There is a fine line.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by runvardh

Confident enough to actually believe she's worth something to me. When I say it I mean it, I don't want the words bouncing off a wall of "lacking self worth".

Oh, that's a good point.

Regardless of someone's gender, I always get tired of arguing with people about how they're actually "okay/good" and they seem to beg for validation with one hand and shove you away with the other.

[ptgatsby]

Not so much that she knows she can find better than me: not so little that she convinces me I can do better than her.

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I just like confidence where people seem at peace with themselves and quietly believe in their own competence, so you can tell they're not always vying to prove themselves or jockey for position. They're self-secure, even while they are honest about their own strengths and weaknesses and successes and failures. They've got nothing to prove or deny.

I don't consider confidence that is self-seeking to be "confidence," that's more like bravado or hubris and it turns me off.

Yep. I believe confidence is about relating to others as though they matter just as much as you rather than trying to impress -- which is to say, confident people know they matter a great deal, but not more than anybody else in the room.

Real confidence is refreshing to be around. I love people who are simply being thoughtful and generous because they LIKE other people, as opposed to the sort of people who make impressive gestures because they need to be liked. And I like how confident people don't give off that "neediness" vibe -- any compliments you give them can be spontaneous ones rather than an obligation you have to perform in order to keep them happy.

Sarah
ISFP

[heart]

Honest vulnerability is fine. True confidence is fine too.