ENFJ male appalls me...what's going on..does he love me or hate me?

Harlow_Jem · 08-20-2008, 02:04 AM

Long story short: Me and ENFJ started hooking up and I guess he assumed it was exclusive and I did not. About a month and a half ago I got drunk and so he had to drive me home in my car and then drive himself home in my car and subsequently, I left my phone in there. He apparently read my text messages and found out that one night I had left his house after having sex to meet up with an ex-boyfriend (But he never mentioned anything).

Fast forward a few weeks later: I get completely trashed and slept with his best friend by accident and he is angry/hurt about it.

Fast forward a few more awkward weeks later: I'm surprised that he still talks to me and wants to see me. About a week ago, we had a somewhat serious talk and he confesses that he knew about the ex-boyfriend thing but does not confess how he knows and then tells me how pissed off he is about everything I've done to him but says he still wants me (but also includes that, "I should've told you to fuck off a long time ago". We argue for a bit about whether we ever established that it was exclusive or not and decide that it will be exclusive from now on. And things have been really good between us now.

So my question is, I know that ENFJ's easily let themselves get hurt and neglected in relationships but does this guy really want me that badly to let everything I've done to him slide? or what?? (And this is a guy who could easily get any girl he wants by flashing a smile. So it's not a matter of some loser holding onto the best thing he's ever gonna get.)

Does this mean he genuinely has strong feelings for me that he cannot forget and wants to make it work? And can it work? Please help an insensitive bitch INTJ figure out how to make amends to this sweet ENFJ!

pure_mercury · 08-20-2008, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

Does this mean he genuinely has strong feelings for me that he cannot forget and wants to make it work? And can it work? Please help an insensitive bitch INTJ figure out how to make amends to this sweet ENFJ!

One way to start would be 1) to sober up; and 2) stop fucking other guys if you want to be with this guy. Figure out if you really like him or not, and then get with him exclusively or let him go. That would be a start.

Harlow_Jem · 08-20-2008, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pure_mercury

One way to start would be 1) to sober up; and 2) stop fucking other guys if you want to be with this guy. Figure out if you really like him or not, and then get with him exclusively or let him go. That would be a start.

I forgot to include that yes, I have decided to do all of the above. I want to be with this guy and only this guy.

Silently Honest · 08-20-2008, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pure_mercury

One way to start would be 1) to sober up; and 2) stop fucking other guys if you want to be with this guy. Figure out if you really like him or not, and then get with him exclusively or let him go. That would be a start.

Listen to this guy.

spirilis · 08-20-2008, 02:18 AM

Is this the ESFJ you mentioned a while back, or a different EFJ?

Harlow_Jem · 08-20-2008, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spirilis

Is this the ESFJ you mentioned a while back, or a different EFJ?

I thought he was an ESFJ but turns out he is an ENFJ (he took the myers-briggs test)

pure_mercury · 08-20-2008, 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

I forgot to include that yes, I have decided to do all of the above. I want to be with this guy and only this guy.

Then apologize for your previous behavior, let him know how you feel, stop drinking and popping Xanax, and hope he goes for it. Act like a girlfriend who has a great guy.

grendiecat · 08-20-2008, 04:33 AM

I think everyone here agrees with pure. I'm an ENFJ, female, and if a guy did this to me, I'd have to say that I'd probably dump him. As an ENFJ, I'm not into messing around with so many people--one person and one person only until I figure out if it's the right relationship for me. Casual sex is such a let down for an ENFJ--I think so anyway. Are you able to be monogamous?

Harlow_Jem · 08-20-2008, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grendiecat

I think everyone here agrees with pure. I'm an ENFJ, female, and if a guy did this to me, I'd have to say that I'd probably dump him. As an ENFJ, I'm not into messing around with so many people--one person and one person only until I figure out if it's the right relationship for me. Casual sex is such a let down for an ENFJ--I think so anyway. Are you able to be monogamous?

Yes, definitely. I am able/want to be monogamous. I just want input from an ENFJ as to why he didn't tell me to "fuck off" as he said he should've in the beginning. I didn't even know he liked me as much as I guess he really did and it makes me sad/disappointed that he kept all that inside and took that kind of shit; if he cared so much, why didn't he confront me about it right afterwards?

PinkPiranha · 08-20-2008, 06:40 PM

ENFJs avoid conflict sometimes, especially if it's something major. Our feelings hit us like a brick. If he didn't already tell you to go jump in a lake, he must really like you.

08-20-2008, 02:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
Harlow_Jem Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: XNTJ Posts: 125	ENFJ male appalls me...what's going on..does he love me or hate me? Long story short: Me and ENFJ started hooking up and I guess he assumed it was exclusive and I did not. About a month and a half ago I got drunk and so he had to drive me home in my car and then drive himself home in my car and subsequently, I left my phone in there. He apparently read my text messages and found out that one night I had left his house after having sex to meet up with an ex-boyfriend (But he never mentioned anything). Fast forward a few weeks later: I get completely trashed and slept with his best friend by accident and he is angry/hurt about it. Fast forward a few more awkward weeks later: I'm surprised that he still talks to me and wants to see me. About a week ago, we had a somewhat serious talk and he confesses that he knew about the ex-boyfriend thing but does not confess how he knows and then tells me how pissed off he is about everything I've done to him but says he still wants me (but also includes that, "I should've told you to fuck off a long time ago". We argue for a bit about whether we ever established that it was exclusive or not and decide that it will be exclusive from now on. And things have been really good between us now. So my question is, I know that ENFJ's easily let themselves get hurt and neglected in relationships but does this guy really want me that badly to let everything I've done to him slide? or what?? (And this is a guy who could easily get any girl he wants by flashing a smile. So it's not a matter of some loser holding onto the best thing he's ever gonna get.) Does this mean he genuinely has strong feelings for me that he cannot forget and wants to make it work? And can it work? Please help an insensitive bitch INTJ figure out how to make amends to this sweet ENFJ! __________________ "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain. http://johngaltsmistress.blogspot.com

08-20-2008, 02:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
spirilis Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Type: InTP Location: Hanover, PA Posts: 1,585	Is this the ESFJ you mentioned a while back, or a different EFJ? __________________ confucius say, eat my shorts!

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08-20-2008, 04:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
grendiecat Member Join Date: May 2008 Type: ENFJ Location: Chicago Posts: 49	I think everyone here agrees with pure. I'm an ENFJ, female, and if a guy did this to me, I'd have to say that I'd probably dump him. As an ENFJ, I'm not into messing around with so many people--one person and one person only until I figure out if it's the right relationship for me. Casual sex is such a let down for an ENFJ--I think so anyway. Are you able to be monogamous?

08-20-2008, 06:40 PM	#10 (permalink)
PinkPiranha Fe Lightning Waltz Join Date: Nov 2007 Type: eNFJ Location: darned if I know Posts: 5,325	ENFJs avoid conflict sometimes, especially if it's something major. Our feelings hit us like a brick. If he didn't already tell you to go jump in a lake, he must really like you.