ENFJ male appalls me...what's going on..does he love me or hate me?

[Brendan]

Theme song to this thread: "Criminal" by Fiona Apple

[ceecee]

Originally Posted by Brendan

Show him the sincerety of your feelings for him. Actions speak louder than words.

Yes. This is what they see. You have to "do", not "say".

[ByMySword]

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

I forgot to include that yes, I have decided to do all of the above. I want to be with this guy and only this guy.

Good.

Sounds like he genuinely likes you if he's willing to put up with all that.

[ByMySword]

Originally Posted by Desperado44

There are over 6 billion people on this planet....the majority of which are women......he should look for one that treats me with respect.

I don't think that him looking for one that treats YOU with respect is really gonna help him any.

[Brendan]

Originally Posted by grendiecat

I think everyone here agrees with pure. I'm an ENFJ, female, and if a guy did this to me, I'd have to say that I'd probably dump him.

I wouldn't, but then, men are much more hopelessly romantic, typically. I find myself in a parallel situation at the moment, and haven't yet told the guy to go fuck himself, which I probably should.

Originally Posted by grendiecat

Casual sex is such a let down for an ENFJ

Amen. I find it too hard to talk about my thoughts and feelings with almost anyone at all. There's no way I could make myself that insecure and vulnerable to sleep with someone I don't know well and trust.

[The Third Rider]

My personal opinion would be to stay away from that guy. I personally would not take that shit and I am sure that deep down inside he doesn't feel completely right. I can see that he might be good looking like you said; "He can get any girl that he wants with just a smile", but just like me, he must have gotten too attached to you or may be he doesn't think he has much of market out there. I am not sure if its your fault or not, because I am not sure if you lead him on or not so I cannot judge you on that, since you said you didn't think it was a exclusive relationship but he did. Unfortunately, even if he does forgive you he provably wont forget, and to me trust and loyalty are the 2 single most important things when it comes to any kind of relationship. For his own sake I would leave him and spare him any further damage because I am almost sure he wont have that trust in you that is required in a serious relationship. You don't have to be with him if you don't want to, you don't owe him anything, you didn't know how he felt about you, its really not your fault, agian you owe him nothing. Personally this looks like a really bad foundation to start a relationship from.....

[Harlow_Jem]

Originally Posted by The Third Rider

My personal opinion would be to stay away from that guy. I personally would not take that shit and I am sure that deep down inside he doesn't feel completely right. I can see that he might be good looking like you said; "He can get any girl that he wants with just a smile", but just like me, he must have gotten too attached to you or may be he doesn't think he has much of market out there. I am not sure if its your fault or not, because I am not sure if you lead him on or not so I cannot judge you on that, since you said you didn't think it was a exclusive relationship but he did. Unfortunately, even if he does forgive you he provably wont forget, and to me trust and loyalty are the 2 single most important things when it comes to any kind of relationship. For his own sake I would leave him and spare him any further damage because I am almost sure he wont have that trust in you that is required in a serious relationship. You don't have to be with him if you don't want to, you don't owe him anything, you didn't know how he felt about you, its really not your fault, agian you owe him nothing. Personally this looks like a really bad foundation to start a relationship from.....

I completely understand what you're saying. However, he has taken me back recently and so doesn't that mean he is willing to try to work it out? Also, another question I have for ENFJ males is...do you hardly ever talk about your feelings and about conflicts? He tends to brush everything under the rug and avoid talking about the whole thing and pretends everything is just great.

[The Third Rider]

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

I completely understand what you're saying. However, he has taken me back recently and so doesn't that mean he is willing to try to work it out? Also, another question I have for ENFJ males is...do you hardly ever talk about your feelings and about conflicts? He tends to brush everything under the rug and avoid talking about the whole thing and pretends everything is just great.

Yeah I tend to put my conflicts aside and try to brush them off if I can, but if you force me to talk about than I will. I simply hate to talk about problems, I feel like they really don't help anyone better sometimes, I just like to think positivebly. In that regard I can see him completly brush off what happened, personally I wouldn't do it but I guess that is the difference between me and him. I guess he made his decision as to how he feels about you, so its up to you if you want to take him up on his offer. If for any reason he wont trust you in the future, than that is his own fault.

[Johnny23]

Holy jeez!

[batumi]

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

Yes, definitely. I am able/want to be monogamous. I just want input from an ENFJ as to why he didn't tell me to "fuck off" as he said he should've in the beginning. I didn't even know he liked me as much as I guess he really did and it makes me sad/disappointed that he kept all that inside and took that kind of shit; if he cared so much, why didn't he confront me about it right afterwards?

If your experience is anything like my two rounds with this type,
he is avoiding conflict right now but will blow up later at you for it.
D-R-A-M-A is headed your way if that happens.
I swore off dating this type because it is just not for me.
Good luck.

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

....and pretends everything is just great.

Yep. Welcome to the land of ENFJ men.

Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem

Does this mean he genuinely has strong feelings for me that he cannot forget and wants to make it work? And can it work?

My best guess is that he neither loves you or hates you but you are a statue in the making.