Why.........Dating.....It's Dangerous

[vybelist]

Why do people feel so strongly about these issues? Because the "dating game" is such a dangerous game to play! Whether you are the predator or the prey, you are quite likely to be hurt by the recreational dating scene. Some may come out unscarred from the pit of snakes, but is that any reason to walk through it?

Any tips....

Dieing to hear back from you people....

[Kiddo]

I won't date someone until I've known them for at least a few weeks. It's the best way to avoid hook ups and one night stands. You get to know someone, let them get to know you, and both of you know beforehand what the other person is like and wants. It's stupid to do that window shopping dating thing because you are basing everything on how a person looks and your initial first impression of them. Plus your motives are skewed if you go on a date with someone based on physical attraction. Then you end up just getting laid instead of starting a relationship. With the prevalence of STDs it isn't wise to be having a lot of sex with many different people. And as you mentioned, the dynamics are FUBAR. At least if you get to know someone before you start dating you can have a friendship if it doesn't work out, whereas you tend to avoid each other if it doesn't work out the other way.

[whatever]

Sure dating can be really unpleasant at times- I know this far better than most I'm sure! But there are a lot of really nice moments that you'll be giving up on if you skip out of it! I can come up with a long list of things that were really good about every relationship I've been in, even though most of them pretty much imploded I wouldn't trade all of the shit I've been through dating any day in order to avoid it, because experience is all you live for (well, that and reproduction according to biology text books, but that takes dating as well! )

The best advice I have is treat the other person well, really well, and stay optimistic- things won't always be good, but you can look forward to the good times because they will come!

[prplchknz]

I like dates, of course I'm a girl so often time the guy pays. So it's a free meal.And if their is a physical attraction. Ok so I've only been on one date, but it was fun.

[FineLine]

Originally Posted by vybelist

Why do people feel so strongly about these issues? Because the "dating game" is such a dangerous game to play! Whether you are the predator or the prey, you are quite likely to be hurt by the recreational dating scene. Some may come out unscarred from the pit of snakes, but is that any reason to walk through it?

Any tips....

Dieing to hear back from you people....

Well, pretty much everything in life can be considered dangerous, depending on your tolerance for risk.

Compare driving a car. If you drive along a fast road with no barrier between you and oncoming traffic, then your life is in imminent danger practically every minute. Any of the oncoming cars could swerve into your path; any of the drivers could be drunk or having a stroke or heart attack (or just be distracted trying to swat a bee trapped in their car) as they are approaching you. Or if you're the driver, a child or a bicyclist could dash out in front of you, you could look away from the road at the wrong instant just as another driver pulls out in front of you, etc.

Something like 40,000 people die in auto accidents in the U.S. every year. And that only counts actual deaths; the number of injuries, crashes and dents is much higher that that. But people take the risk and continue to drive.

So it always seems kind of funny to me when someone is skittish about dating and getting into relationships. They drive their cars and do other "dangerous" things without any particular worry or alarm. So what's so special about the dangers of dating?

I think people accept risks like driving cars because the skill of driving an automobile is fairly easily learned and the negative consequences are obvious. People can weigh the risks that they are taking and even take steps to manage the risks (don't drive after drinking, obey the speed limit, drive defensively, equip yourself with a good set of all-weather tires for storms, etc.). Dating, on the other hand, can be kind of opaque to a neophyte. From the outside it may look like an unmanageable snake pit (as the OP put it), and it may take years before one can become competent at it and learn how to properly manage the risks.

Also, some people dread humiliation even more than they dread physical injury or death. According to some famous survey, many people fear doing public speaking even more than they fear death. So perhaps some people consider a car crash to be a more acceptable fate than a rejection from someone of the opposite sex.

There are probably other considerations as well. But as someone who has dated a lot in the past, I would just argue: Dating is like riding a bike: It takes practice, and you'll probably fall and skin your knees the first couple times. But it's learnable. The risks are manageable as well; eventually you learn to spot the danger signs and put up appropriate personal boundaries. And once you learn it properly, it's like riding a bike--you never forget the skill.

As for humiliation, rejection, and injuries to one's pride and feelings: Those things aren't that big a deal. Feelings are flexible and resilient. They snap back sooner or later. I think people ought to get in the habit of publicly humiliating themselves on a regular basis, just so they learn how to deal with it and bounce back from it. People who are afraid to put their pride or their feelings on the line are probably missing out on a lot in life.

[OctaviaCaesar]

I have always intended to marry the first guy I dated, and so it has happened--I didn't let myself date the guy I am now engaged to until I had known him long enough at work that I felt that we could have a happy married life. He has proven his devotion and faithfulness by following me when my family moved to Tennessee, and we are going to get married when I graduate.

[GirlAmerica]

well, unless you are in a marriage lottery of some sort...or your parents are choosing your mate...how else would you get to know someone?

just askin...

[runvardh]

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

well, unless you are in a marriage lottery of some sort...or your parents are choosing your mate...how else would you get to know someone?

just askin...

Hanging out at a similar interest, meet, talk, and seeing how deep the rabbit hole goes

This, by the way, is how I met most of the girls I ended up deciding to date.

[Edasich]

Originally Posted by OctaviaCaesar

I have always intended to marry the first guy I dated, and so it has happened--I didn't let myself date the guy I am now engaged to until I had known him long enough at work that I felt that we could have a happy married life. He has proven his devotion and faithfulness by following me when my family moved to Tennessee, and we are going to get married when I graduate.

wow, that's so romantic, lol

[GirlAmerica]

Originally Posted by runvardh

Hanging out at a similar interest, meet, talk, and seeing how deep the rabbit hole goes

This, by the way, is how I met most of the girls I ended up deciding to date.

yes.....and see how that DATE word came into play.

Of course I think qualifying who would become date material is different for everyone....but you have to get to that 'stage' of the game.

Right??