Sense of belonging

[ygolo]

Have you ever felt like you belonged somewhere?

Have you ever not felt like an outsider of sorts, struggling to find a place where you can truly be yourself and still be accepted?

[Jennifer]

I have felt it fleetingly at times, but it usually doesn't last, nor does it go as deep as I would like it to.

I think some of this is just something for me to get used to about myself. Some of us were not made to put down roots in a way that provides so much security. Take what intimacy and acceptance I can get, and not fret about it...

[cafe]

Only with my husband. I belong wherever he is.

[Maverick]

But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.

[Randomnity]

I feel like I belong when I'm with my friends. Otherwise, they wouldn't be friends. Also with people I care for significantly.

I never had that feeling until I got to university though. In high school I attributed it to something being wrong with me (and took some warped pride in it, I must admit), but later I realized that it was only the people I was surrounding myself with, along with my attitude at the time.

It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Maverick

But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.

Good point... although I am laughing to myself now because INTPc is full of people who do not belong, who then tell other people who doesn't belong with the unbelongers. (e.g., many of the people at MBTIc were told they didn't belong at INTPc... so they're here.)

Sociological recursion -- oh, I'm getting dizzy...

Originally Posted by Randomnity

...It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?

Yup, that is what I think, now that I am watching everyone else go through this process. Many of the young 'uns at INTPc are in that stage; but once they get into their mid-20's and later, I think the feeling will diminish for most of them.

[Athenian200]

I feel like I don't completely belong anywhere I've been, yet I feel that I have something in common with most people as well. I feel understood better by some people than others. It's hard to explain. I would say that I don't belong in a specific place or a group, as much as I belong with people who understand a particular idea, who feel a certain way, similar to the way I feel. But if a place or group contains such people, I'll certainly be drawn to it.

[ptgatsby]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Sociological recursion -- oh, I'm getting dizzy...

It's not really recursion. INTPc is an example of "nationalism". Anyone of the same flag is "included" and anyone who isn't is "excluded". The end result is that group identity is based around symbolism - in this case, INTP. Likewise with nationalism, the insiders are trained to act in accordance to "the customs and traditions" of "the nation". Behaviour is moderated and and deviancy is attacked.

The irony, of course, is that the motto is really "Conform to our expected behaviour and you will be welcomed", the very thing that they are fighting against.

[ygolo]

Originally Posted by Maverick

But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.

Not sure. I have found myself in many an 'outcast' group and feel like I am only friends with them in that context (usually a shared interest). I tend to help people out , and them me, in most cases.

Originally Posted by Randomnity

It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Yup, that is what I think, now that I am watching everyone else go through this process. Many of the young 'uns at INTPc are in that stage; but once they get into their mid-20's and later, I think the feeling will diminish for most of them.

It is common in adolescents, but I frankly feel more like I don't belong now (past mid 20's) than I did in HS (I actually almost felt like I belonged, then), College or even early working periods. It is actually a growing feeling, not a shrinking one.

But, I largely attribute this to a growing anti-intellectual culture in the country I live in (and the industry I work for). Since the dot-com bust, there has also been a distinct 'anti-techie' sentiment also (w/ no new boom in sight, that sentiment still pervades). I find it somewhat ironic, since the dot-com types were distinctly not 'techie' but simply greedy (and may or may not have employed techie types).

So, I will continue to hide my thoughts to keep the limited sense of belonging I do have (till an opportunity to be myself arises).

[whatever]

I generally feel like I belong wherever I am- it's very rare I feel that I don't belong somewhere (i.e. the dentist's office, Walmart, the house of someone I really don't like). This may have something to do with always feeling like I have claim to the place by being there (like my dog or something) and am merely surveying my territory- I don't know!