View Full Version : Are ENFP/J's fickle in their loyalties w/ exclusive relationships?
I hooked up with an ENFP while she was with her BF, so that's one strike. :doh:
Honestly, though, it completely depends on environmental factors, and other things MBTI can't measure in any sort of descriptive way.
I would bet that ENFJs are much more loyal on average than ENFPs, though.
Jeffster
10-06-2008, 05:08 PM
Doesn't seem like something you could generalize about everyone of those types.
My ENFP ex-wife has a pattern of living with one guy, while maintaining close friendships and spending a lot of time with other guys, and then, amazingly, leaving the first guy to shack up with one of her male friends. But I wouldn't hold her up as an example of all ENFPs.
bluemonday
10-06-2008, 05:12 PM
I hooked up with an ENFP while she was with her BF, so that's one strike. :doh:
...double standards...:whistling:
:D
^How is that a double standard?
What's the opposing standard?
bluemonday
10-06-2008, 05:50 PM
^How is that a double standard?
What's the opposing standard?
I'll let you simmer on that one a while.
Ugh, stop being so condescending. I want you to explicitly state the double standard so I can pin down where you're wrong. You're refusal to do that means I have to guess what you're thinking, and then when I do, you can say I guessed wrong.
Right now, it seems like this is what you're thinking:
I said it was a strike against the girl to hook up with me when she had a BF, and you think that I somehow think it wasn't a strike against me too. You are wrong.
I was answering the damn OP, stop looking for ways to make me sound like an asshole.
bluemonday
10-06-2008, 06:07 PM
That's not what I was thinking. ;)
I was thinking something along the lines of "casting the first stone".
Stop being so damn cryptic. If you're gonna insult me, at least tell me what the damn insult is so I can defend myself.
You're saying it's somehow a double standard to say that a girl hooked up outside her relationship if I've done less-than-Jesus-like things with girls? WTF?
I don't like this game. Give people a chance to defend themselves.
Mitzy
10-06-2008, 06:13 PM
theyre all sloots!
Lucifer
10-06-2008, 06:58 PM
Ugh, stop being so condescending. I want you to explicitly state the double standard so I can pin down where you're wrong. You're refusal to do that means I have to guess what you're thinking, and then when I do, you can say I guessed wrong.
Right now, it seems like this is what you're thinking:
I said it was a strike against the girl to hook up with me when she had a BF, and you think that I somehow think it wasn't a strike against me too. You are wrong.
I was answering the damn OP, stop looking for ways to make me sound like an asshole.
Lol, and agreed.
Mitzy thought you weren't gonna stop in anymore ?
Rachelinpa
10-06-2008, 07:03 PM
Probably somewhat. I would say I'm loyal once I'm actually in the exclusive relationship and I'm happier to be in one. However, I would say I'm fairly capricious in my affections up until the point of commitment.
Jack Flak
10-06-2008, 07:04 PM
Stop being so damn cryptic. If you're gonna insult me, at least tell me what the damn insult is so I can defend myself.
You're saying it's somehow a double standard to say that a girl hooked up outside her relationship if I've done less-than-Jesus-like things with girls? WTF?
I don't like this game. Give people a chance to defend themselves.
I totally thought wolfy was talking about the ENFP, not you. I could've been mistaken. One of us is, I guess.
CaptainChick
10-06-2008, 07:05 PM
Probably somewhat. I would say I'm loyal once I'm actually in the exclusive relationship and I'm happier to be in one. However, I would say I'm fairly capricious in my affections up until the point of commitment.
Seconded.
I totally thought wolfy was talking about the ENFP, not you. I could've been mistaken. One of us is, I guess.
Wolfy? Huh?
Jack Flak
10-06-2008, 08:19 PM
Wolfy? Huh?
LOL oooops, bluemonday.
LOL oooops, bluemonday.
Hmm. Well if it wasn't directed against me, it was phrased weirdly. And she didn't tell me after I responded like it was directed against me.
Plus, there's the context of the other thread and the concept of "double standard" which she seems to be taking issue with.
Still, I wonder what she meant by double standard. She refused to define what she was thinking (I even PMed her), so I guess it was meaningless nonsense.
Jack Flak
10-06-2008, 08:38 PM
I was thinking, and I sure could be wrong, that she meant the ENFP had a double standard. One for self, and one for others.
proteanmix
10-06-2008, 08:43 PM
I thought the double standard referred to dissonance seeing a person who was involved thus implying his type is fickle also. Although I guess it wouldn't necessarily make him fickle, maybe lacking integrity on some level...he wasn't the one who was cheating, so eh. I'm not sure if that's what bluemonday meant, but that's what I interpreted it as.
^Yeah that's how I interpreted it.
And shit, I never said I didn't fuck up. I just said that she did, which is true.
LadyJaye
10-06-2008, 09:09 PM
I'm very careful about who I give my affection to romantically, and I've never cheated on anyone at any point. I only deal with one person at a time, and if the relationship isn't going well, then I'm upfront and tell the guy it isn't going to work out. But I don't start a new relationship until I'm sure the previous one has been dealt with, and everyone's feelings have been accounted for. I don't understand the "capricious affection" thing - why would you give out love you plan to cut off later? That sounds like you're jerking someone around.
Jeffster
10-06-2008, 09:42 PM
I'm very careful about who I give my affection to romantically, and I've never cheated on anyone at any point. I only deal with one person at a time, and if the relationship isn't going well, then I'm upfront and tell the guy it isn't going to work out. But I don't start a new relationship until I'm sure the previous one has been dealt with, and everyone's feelings have been accounted for. I don't understand the "capricious affection" thing - why would you give out love you plan to cut off later? That sounds like you're jerking someone around.
So is it finally over between you and him? Because I need to know when I can move my stuff in.
bluemonday
10-06-2008, 10:14 PM
I've done less-than-Jesus-like things with girls?
:wubbie:
I'm just sayin'
Get a damn room already, you two.
bluemonday
10-06-2008, 11:24 PM
I totally thought <Freudian slip> bluemonday was talking about the ENFP, not you. I could've been mistaken. One of us is, I guess.
That would be you. It happens. :smooch:
I thought the double standard referred to dissonance seeing a person who was involved thus implying his type is fickle also. Although I guess it wouldn't necessarily make him fickle, maybe lacking integrity on some level...he wasn't the one who was cheating, so eh. I'm not sure if that's what bluemonday meant, but that's what I interpreted it as.
10/10.
My own thought processes aren't always as clear to me as they should be. Didn't expect this kind of heat though.
First of all, I don't see how you can draw any meaningful conclusions from this type of exercise in anecdotal angst.
dissonance makes a similar point in his first post. But he then goes on to diss the ENFP he took away from her ex. Somehow this is a "strike" against ENFPs? I don't get that part. He should have stuck to the "this is a meaningless question which plays to the bias of type stereotyping" argument, instead of countering his own argument within the same post.
Tongue-in-cheek is ok, but this question was actually being taken seriously, or so it seemed to me.
I don't like questions that don't make any sense.
You could collect statistical data to make this sort of analysis "scientific", of course. But, I REALLY wouldn't want to go there.
If I was an ENFP, I'd be a bit put out. If fact, I was put out, on their behalf.
Fortunately, ENFPs are great! :wubbie: And very tolerant.
And in my own experience, paragons of fidelity in their personal relationships - if that helps.
LadyJaye
10-07-2008, 01:30 AM
So is it finally over between you and him? Because I need to know when I can move my stuff in.
Of course! I gave him the boot when I gave him his boots and told him to hit the bricks, baby!
Jeffster
10-07-2008, 01:49 AM
Of course! I gave him the boot when I gave him his boots and told him to hit the bricks, baby!
WOOHOO :devil:
PinkPiranha
10-07-2008, 02:56 AM
???
For me, no way. If I'm in it, I'm in it, unless of course the beloved does something truly horrible to me in which case I leave. No dallying. Just gone.
PinkPiranha
10-07-2008, 02:57 AM
Of course! I gave him the boot when I gave him his boots and told him to hit the bricks, baby!
I actually said that once. Worked well.
dissonance makes a similar point in his first post. But he then goes on to diss the ENFP he took away from her ex. Somehow this is a "strike" against ENFPs? I don't get that part. He should have stuck to the "this is a meaningless question which plays to the bias of type stereotyping" argument, instead of countering his own argument within the same post.
Man. It technically is one strike, since these threads are always looking for anecdotal evidence. But it's one strike for one person out of, hmmm... half a billion? I said all that stuff after to make it clear that I don't actually judge ENFPs based on that.
Furthermore, the ENFP I'm talking about is my best friend now and has been for a few years. Best friend, as in number one person in the world. AND I never said it wasn't a strike against me too. Because it was. I felt like shit about it for a long long time, and it was the first time in life I questioned whether or not I was a "good" person.
To answer the OP -- I think that EPs in general might be slightly more likely to stray from a relationship. But I think Fi (so, ENFPs and ESFPs) pulls the extroverted perception inward, and keeps it in check. Only corrupt Fi would allow something like that (as long as it was agreed upon and off-limits, I'm saying), so you'd be likelier to see it in unhealthy EFPs.
But it seems to be a behavior you see in self-destructive or otherwise unhealthy people in general, so I don't know that the above reasoning only applies in the EFPs' case.
Hard to say with these things. Better to look at individual cases and throw type out the window.
CaptainChick
10-07-2008, 06:07 PM
Hard to say with these things. Better to look at individual cases and throw type out the window.
Agreed.
Uytuun
10-08-2008, 12:00 AM
^Yeah that's how I interpreted it.
And shit, I never said I didn't fuck up. I just said that she did, which is true.
Damn, the way I interpreted it was that it was just a mild poke because indeed, whereas she cheated on her boyfriend, you were also involved with a taken person and hence not "free of sin". No one is calling you evil, it's just noticing and pointing out an interesting aspect of the dynamic between the players in your utterance (attitude): irony. It''s conceptual/logical/metaperspectival, not personal.
(at least that's what I think it looked like in her head - feel free to slap me on the wrist, bluemonday ;) )
Harlow_Jem
10-08-2008, 12:37 AM
My best friend (female) is an ENFP and she can be very fickle in romantic relationships but of course, maybe she just hasn't met the right guy yet.
The boy I adore is an ENFJ and he is supremely loyal and exclusive in relationships. But that's not to say all are; I would say the majority of the well-developed ones are.
Amargith
11-07-2008, 01:17 AM
I've been dating the same guy for nine years and have never cheated on him. I've been cheated on myself and would never do that to someone myself. However, I have had more than once the chance to do so, and as I enjoy being a tease I did go further than most women might have as I enjoy the fireworks of a potential new relationship (the men knew I was taken and wasn't about to cheat on my bf though).
I think it depends on the values to which the ENFP adheres. I don't cheat because I respect and love my partner too much and know how much pain it can cause. I aint about to risk a relationship of 9 years on 5 minutes of pleasure. But I am going to enjoy the thrill of getting the offer :P I'm very lucky that my boyfriend is pretty confident and not at all jealous though :)
phoenix13
11-07-2008, 03:29 AM
I'm very careful about who I give my affection to romantically, and I've never cheated on anyone at any point. I only deal with one person at a time, and if the relationship isn't going well, then I'm upfront and tell the guy it isn't going to work out. But I don't start a new relationship until I'm sure the previous one has been dealt with, and everyone's feelings have been accounted for. I don't understand the "capricious affection" thing - why would you give out love you plan to cut off later? That sounds like you're jerking someone around.
^My relationship philosophy matches that of the Lady.
Well done LadyJaye :nice:
kyuuei
11-07-2008, 03:45 AM
Well mayhap that's how it goes.. since I'm right with R-chan, Lady and CC on this.
If I'm not in a relationship, which is a pretty big deal to me to be in one, what I do with my personal time I consider my business and that's it.
I don't cheat, I never have and I could never see myself doing so. When I was in a relationship, and found affections for someone else, I let that person know immediately that I needed to end our relationship and the reasons why. In that aspect, they were upset.. but felt good that I had always been entirely honest with them.
I think that our flirty nature, and the fact that we are very social-like mixed in with our ever-so-confusing emotions make it seem as such.. but the loyalty I have with someone all depends on that person. I've had a relationship for two years, a beautiful one that was forever endearing and it made me happy ended only because we were young and both agreed our lives were leading us different ways. and I've had relationships last for mere months at a time (6 months and 3 after that) but I don't think my loyalty towards them was fickle so much as the person themselves were lame for a date.
Maabus1999
11-07-2008, 04:32 AM
If you must use "types" in this scenario, I would surmise ENFP's that are almost ESFP's or are pressured to be like ESFP's may be more fickle about relationships. Those with higher N's, while still very flirty, are going to be more dedicated as they look at making connections that go beyond a normal relationship.
Twixt
11-09-2008, 05:44 AM
I'm loyal once I'm actually in the exclusive relationship and I'm happier to be in one.
I think it depends on the values to which the ENFP adheres. I don't cheat because I respect and love my partner too much and know how much pain it can cause. I aint about to risk a relationship of 9 years on 5 minutes of pleasure. But I am going to enjoy the thrill of getting the offer :P I'm very lucky that my boyfriend is pretty confident and not at all jealous though
^ DEFINITELY.
I also agree that you need to look at isolated cases because generalizations like these are just ... :dont:
ENFPs stick with their values no matter what, so if fidelity/loyalty/commitment in romantic relationships is one of their important values, they will be hard core and totally committed once in a romantic relationship. Well at least this is my personal experience being an ENFP.
Jack Flak
11-09-2008, 05:50 AM
ENFPs stick with their values no matter what, so if fidelity/loyalty/commitment in romantic relationships is one of their important values, they will be hard core and totally committed once in a romantic relationship. Well at least this is my personal experience being an ENFP.
Yep. Net result: Variable.
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