INTJ/ INFP relationship question

[Hindy]

Hi all,
New to the board. I have a relationship question for all the other INTJs out there.

I am an INTJ female married to an INFP.
Have any others out there come to this "check out" (where your switch has been flipped to off) point in a relationship and overcome it??

What helped in getting past this point? Time? Communication?

Thanks for any input!!

[runvardh]

How old is he? :huh:

[Hindy]

We are both 38

[scantilyclad]

the only thing i can contribute to this is that he doesn't REALLY trust you if he is going through your stuff, he suspects something, otherwise he wouldn't invade your privacy. I've been there.

[disregard]

Did anything change over the past 2 years that could have had an effect on your need to have some space from your husband?

[runvardh]

We are both 38

Damn... I guess insecurity has no age limit. What does he know about MBTI?

Edit: Also, when was the last time the two of you had a date with out the kids?

[Hindy]

disregard- 2 years ago my youngest turned 2 yrs old. Somewhat of a symbolic release from raising babies I suppose. Trying to get back to being "me" rather than excluding my husband, but it seems I do need some space apart. Then the harder he tries, which is not appealing.

runvardh- He knows our personality types that is about it. We go on dates more than once a month 2-3. Usually just dinner or a glass of wine out. We really do have a significant amount of together time, but most is with obligations and we do make time for just fun with just each other.

scantilyclad- I would agree, but I am willing to work on trust issues.

Overall, it is my issue of having checked out that I am trying to work around. I've never navigated this and been successful. Once I get to this point in prev. relationships that was curtain call. I know many will say it is just a decision you make, but it feels so much bigger to me.

[runvardh]

Ok, insecurity, trust issues... I'm really trying not to accuse someone 13 years my senior of being childish... Then again, I've experienced having a clingy partner so that my be tainting my opinions. Your desire for doing your own thing is completely valid (though I'm sure you knew that already); however, if he's a good enough man I say working through his insecurities and trust issues will be nessicery.

[disregard]

I don't think you should be focusing on type to solve this important problem. If you know how someone thinks and what they value, that's all you need. Why apply a label to it that includes all of these other attributes that may not even reflect the person you know, being that it is just a theory used to generalise groups of people?

[DigitalMethod]

I think people can grow themselves while still being in a loving relationship. Can you not do that? Is he really that clingy? My assumption is that he is being childish, but I haven't really experienced this type of issue in my life and don't have experience in this field so I don't feel comfortable giving advice.

Good luck though. :)

[phoenix13]

Hi all,
New to the board. I have a relationship question for all the other INTJs out there.

I am an INTJ female married to an INFP. My husband is a wonderful caring man. We have been together for 12 yrs. married for 8yrs. The pattern that we have fallen into is seemingly in the INFP direction of all encompassing, together all the time during our children's infancies (not to offend other INFPs- that is just the way my husband prefers to function in a relationship). I felt guilty for asking for separation, (interpreted as lack of love or commitment). We both work from home- so we really do spend much more time together etc. etc. etc.
Thanks for any input!!

Someone may have said this already, but have you discussed MBTI with him? If he knows that this is a real legitimate need that you've always had, and just tolerated up till now, perhaps he'd understand that you're not just randomly getting sick of his company. Good luck!