All is fair in love and war?

[AwesomeCakes]

Is all fair in love and war?

[bluemonday]

Is all fair in love and war?

Those are perhaps the too most unfair endeavours of humankind.

Did you have something specific in mind?

[AwesomeCakes]

^ Recently....there is someone that has caught my attention...........I am by no means a heart breaker. I may flirt a lot, but I am loyal. I blame myself for letting this happen, and of course my hun being a third of the world away from me doesn't help. I need physical closeness.

On the other hand I don't think I could just give up the relationship I have been working so hard on to start anew and live that down. There are many feelings involved all around that I feel obligated to. Hence why I ask the question, "is all fair in love and war?"

Love is evol. Sometimes I just wanna give up on it all together.

[bluemonday]

^ Recently....there is someone that has caught my attention...........I am by no means a heart breaker. I may flirt a lot, but I am loyal. I blame myself for letting this happen, and of course my hun being a third of the world away from me doesn't help. I need physical closeness.

On the other hand I don't think I could just give up the relationship I have been working so hard on to start anew and live that down. There are many feelings involved all around that I feel obligated to. Hence why I ask the question, "is all fair in love and war?"

Love is evol. Sometimes I just wanna give up on it all together.

hmmm...I tend to see these issues in very black and white terms...I can't imagine any circumstance in which I would cheat...even if my SO took to living in a space-station (which isn't an entirely unsound analogy) but I'm not insensitive to the fact that greater subtlety exists in the world than I can comprehend... I'd better leave this one to the Fs.....:run:

[CzeCze]

Well there is love and there is lust and there is loyalty.

All is fair in love and war can be summed up nicely by Woody Allen and his girlfriend's underaged daughter who is now his of age wife. :sick: He pretty much summed it up, "The heart wants what it wants"

If you care only about what your heart desires, then nothing else -- morals, ethics, obligations, social convention, other relationships, other people's feelings -- don't matter.

I think love and war are good parallels because at the end of the day, I don't think anyone cares what you did as long as you've won. (Well, other people care, but the players involved don't, as long as they've won).

Also, I think in your situation, your long-distance is a big factor to consider and the general question, do you think it can work and be mutually satisfying and do you think you can both commit to it long term and to each other despite the distance and despite lots of potential 'distractions' and temptations right in your back yard?

Because this new person you've met is just one person in an unknown quantity of potential interests and suitors that you'll meet.

And really at the end of the day, as with war, it's your own "conscience" that you have to live with and the repercussions of your actions in the 'heat of battle'. (:P I know, I'm really reaching for those cheesy parallels)

I can't help but bring up the whole 'grass is greener' syndrome that ENFPs supposedly have. Does this strike a chord with you?

*edit* I wasn't talking about cheating per sae, but leaving your current for a new potential and exploring another interest. Who knows, it's possible in a year you'll be talking about how you thought you had met 'the one' in Vienna when you met the actual love of your life in New Mexico while both of you were in long-distance relationships with other people. Who knows? Who knows? This is part of the unknown "all is fair" factor as well and where people's attitudes towards loyalty and commitment versus desire and "what feels right" comes in.

[Jack Flak]

Fair, maybe. I say caution is a plus though--think long term.

[Tallulah]

^ Recently....there is someone that has caught my attention...........I am by no means a heart breaker. I may flirt a lot, but I am loyal. I blame myself for letting this happen, and of course my hun being a third of the world away from me doesn't help. I need physical closeness.

On the other hand I don't think I could just give up the relationship I have been working so hard on to start anew and live that down. There are many feelings involved all around that I feel obligated to. Hence why I ask the question, "is all fair in love and war?"

Love is evol. Sometimes I just wanna give up on it all together.

I guess it's fair to break up and give the new guy a shot. But it's not fair to try it, decide you were just lonely in the first place, and come back to your bf all apologetic, hoping he'll forgive you. I think you need to decide if your relationship is the real thing--if it is, you just need to accept that you'll have periods of loneliness while he's away.

[AwesomeCakes]

I can't help but bring up the whole 'grass is greener' syndrome that ENFPs supposedly have. Does this strike a chord with you?

It's all too familiar my dear. V_V


*edit* I wasn't talking about cheating per sae, but leaving your current for a new potential and exploring another interest. Who knows, it's possible in a year you'll be talking about how you thought you had met 'the one' in Vienna when you met the actual love of your life in New Mexico while both of you were in long-distance relationships with other people. Who knows? Who knows? This is part of the unknown "all is fair" factor as well and where people's attitudes towards loyalty and commitment versus desire and "what feels right" comes in.

Nice example of 'grass is greener' syndrome. I hate 'what if?' >_>

[Uberfuhrer]

Love is evol. Sometimes I just wanna give up on it all together.

Would you consider dating someone younger than you? (By that, I merely mean a few years.)

[AwesomeCakes]

I guess it's fair to break up and give the new guy a shot. But it's not fair to try it, decide you were just lonely in the first place, and come back to your bf all apologetic, hoping he'll forgive you. I think you need to decide if your relationship is the real thing--if it is, you just need to accept that you'll have periods of loneliness while he's away.

I don't want to hurt him, but I do agree about the breaking up thing first then giving the new guy a go. BUT! Should I be wrong I think this action would result in damaging the current relationship, because he will always ask himself, "Why?" and wonder what went on with this other person would be in the back of his mind. Unless...he dates someone else as well.

I bring up the "real thing" issue a lot, and never get a straight answer.

I don't handle being alone very well. At all. I didn't know what I was getting into with the distance. I jumped in feet first. V_V

[AwesomeCakes]

Would you consider dating someone younger than you? (By that, I merely mean a few years.)

:hug:

[Jack Flak]

Sorry, Cakes. I know the feeling. :(

[toonia]

Is all fair in love and war?
It reads more accurately, "People do whatever the hell they want in love and war". The word "fair" is a lost cause in these situations. Although it does sound prettier to make the word universal instead.

[pure_mercury]

I've been to the point in my life where my love then was the only thing that mattered to me, but I STILL never felt that all was fair in love. For instance, would it have been fair for me to tell gigantic lies to her in order to keep her? No, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself for having done that to her. Of course, she left me, and I went to pieces. Still, I sleep soundly at night knowing that I didn't sell out all of my principles. What is love worth then?

[Kyrielle]

I don't want to hurt him, but I do agree about the breaking up thing first then giving the new guy a go. BUT! Should I be wrong I think this action would result in damaging the current relationship, because he will always ask himself, "Why?" and wonder what went on with this other person would be in the back of his mind. Unless...he dates someone else as well.

I bring up the "real thing" issue a lot, and never get a straight answer.

I don't handle being alone very well. At all. I didn't know what I was getting into with the distance. I jumped in feet first. V_V

I think it would be a good idea to talk to your bf who is a third of the world away. Really sit down and try to formulate some sort of plan for meeting each other (if you haven't already). If you have already talked about it and made a plan, then make your feelings of loneliness known and see if there is anything that can be done to speed up the process. If he does not want to plan or even make any visible effort in wanting to see you or meet you halfway (like he pays for half and you pay for half then someone goes and visits the other), then I think you have a very, very big issue right there. At that point, you need to decide for yourself how much time you can accept being far away from him, whether you want to continue to stick it out, or whether you want to stop it before the pain gets to be too much and just back down and be friends.

I also think you should tell your bf about how you're feeling towards other men. Tell him how you keep being tempted. Not as a way to make him jealous or anything like that. Just as a way to let him know what's going on in your head and heart. But this could also be a terrible idea with the wrong person. I just think it's best if two people, especially if they are very far away from each other, are as open and honest with their thoughts and feelings as possible. At least then, if he cared to, he could help you figure out how to understand/deal/adapt to those thoughts, temptations, and emotions.

[Grayscale]

others may have to live with decisions that you've made, but the only person who has to die with them is you.

[Hexis]

I believe all IS fair in love and war most definitely.

Like CzeCze said the "players" of which ever will care not what was fair at the end of the day when the winner is declared.

In either one I will do what ever I must to be declared victorious. There actually are rules in warfare today, unfourtunately, which is why Americas "war of terrorism" is so hard to accomplish. We are still bound by these "laws" of war where as the terrorist, who are also, disregard them entirely. Like did you know flamethrowers are not allowed in most war engagements souly cause its such a feard weapon on the battle feild and so demoralizing to enemy troops that its deemed "inhuman". All I have to say is war is inhuman and as long as we are at war anything deemed ihuman should be cast aside, its war burn the fuckers out! My feelings also translate to the war of love, I would most definitely flamethrower any guy trying to move in on my relationship.