"Finding" yourself

[Cimarron]

Okay, so from what I've read around here, generally speaking, most people seem to think that SJ's don't feel the need to "find themselves", that that's not a focus in their lives or not important. Less likely than the other three "temperaments", at least. But I'm wondering whether it happens more often than people realize.

Well, what's your personal experience? Have you ever tried, or are you trying, or do you try, to "find" yourself? Would/is such an endeavor important to you?

(Yes, I know the term "finding yourself" may be vague...but for now, let's see what we can work with.)

[kyuuei]

ENFP's are notorious I think for authenticity and wanting to find the real self beneath all of the layers and contradictions we have.

To me, it seems unsettling to know someone for a long time, or THINK you do, only to find out suddenly a dramatic different truth. I guess I am not very good at explaining all of this myself.. but I do know it's important to me, and it always will be.

[Cimarron]

-----no big deal here-------

[kyuuei]

-.-;; ... I was more trying to get to the point of "ENFP's are the total opposite of that stereotype you mentioned! From that perspective, getting to the root of WHY people seek their "true self" would help maybe identify why SJs may not deem it a vital concern." Next time I'll just leave it to ya'll though. Sorry for your inconvenience.

[Jeffster]

Doesn't everybody go through at least a short phase of "finding themselves"? I mean, teen years, after graduation, mid-life when the children are grown, etc. I mean, I think we all have periods of self-evaluation, maybe some types are just prone to do it more often.

[kyuuei]

Get out, 'Ster. You're not a J.

[Jeffster]

Get out, 'Ster. You're not a J.

:cry:

Hey, wait! Neither are you! Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[kyuuei]

Daah! Blast! Discovered again! Damned be that Type display! .. >.> .. <skitters out of here now so that this guy can get whatever answer he's seeking>

[Condor]

Okay, so from what I've read around here, generally speaking, most people seem to think that SJ's don't feel the need to "find themselves", that that's not a focus in their lives or not important. Less likely than the other three "temperaments", at least. But I'm wondering whether it happens more often than people realize.

Well, what's your personal experience? Have you ever tried, or are you trying, or do you try, to "find" yourself? Would/is such an endeavor important to you?

(Yes, I know the term "finding yourself" may be vague...but for now, let's see what we can work with.)

I'm not sure (as your caveat indicates) of the concept of "finding myself", but to question...

I've never consciously tried to find myself. The first I can remember acting "all grown up 'n stuff" was as a junior in high school. I made a plan (I actually wrote it out) that I would graduate in June of the next year at 17, enlist in the military and retire at 37, get a second career and retire at 57, and then I'd decide what to do. I actually wrote it out when I was 16.

I retired at 34 instead of 37, and plan to retire from teaching in about five more years. I think back to that day I spoke with my father and said, "Here's my plan" with amazement. To this day, I have no idea what prompted me to do such a thing, other than just trying to be ready for what was after high school.

Anyway, that's the experience. I don't know if it qualifies as "finding myself", but there it is.

[Cimarron]

-.-;; ... I was more trying to get to the point of "ENFP's are the total opposite of that stereotype you mentioned! From that perspective, getting to the root of WHY people seek their "true self" would help maybe identify why SJs may not deem it a vital concern." Next time I'll just leave it to ya'll though. Sorry for your inconvenience.

Ohh, I get you. Look, I'll just be more patient and take out the addendum to my OP, okay? We're cool...

[heart]

Seems like the answer from anyone here (including SJ) would be yes because anyone interested in things like psychology or MBTI would be motivated at least in part by a desire for better self-knowledge.

[PinkPiranha]

I've known ISTJs to try and "find" themselves. They just aren't as emo about it as other types.

[Cimarron]

Seems like the answer from anyone here (including SJ) would be yes because anyone interested in things like psychology or MBTI would be motivated at least in part by a desire for better self-knowledge.
Sure, that generally makes sense, since that is a basic purpose of the forum.

[Recoleta]

Hmmmm this is a good question. I think it's because we're very grounded in reality and always seem to be the ones who "have it all together." ISTJ's are very much "what you see is what you get" type of people, and I never knew how or tried to be anything else but myself.

I did kind of go on a "finding myself" adventure when I moved away to college, and did 3 different study abroad programs in Spanish-speaking countries. These experiences shaped me profoundly because I had to decide for myself what I believed and how I would approach whatever situation that came my way. It's really different when you have constant support and input from friends and family, and then all of a sudden have that taken away. I learned a lot about myself -- mainly that I can adapt, and not only survive, but thrive in challenging situations.

I had somewhat of a brief identity crisis when I first graduated college, but that was because graduating more-or-less uprooted my whole life. Within the time-span of one day I quit my job, left all my close friends, moved across the state back in with my family, and finished my academic career as an undergrad. Everything that I had worked toward was either completed, gone, or far away. I had never realized how much of my identity was placed on my work, obligations, people, and independence. The days/months that followed were some of the hardest, but it eventually rebuilt itself.

[Recoleta]

I've known ISTJs to try and "find" themselves. They just aren't as emo about it as other types.

Goodness gracious this is the perfect answer! :wubbie:

[dnivera]

I've known ISTJs to try and "find" themselves. They just aren't as emo about it as other types.

Very true!

I'm still in the process of finding myself. I don't think there's ever an answer, is there? If there is, it doesn't stay the same for very long.

Actually, what I meant to say was, the answer gets broader and more vague the more you look for it.

[Anja]

I agree, dnivera, and once one realises that, all one need to do is pay attention to one's self. It's not so much a search as it is an ongoing process of recognition and affirmation. What some would say, that corny - "following your heart." Lotsa truth in those stoopid old axioms.

[Bella]

A major theme of my life is 'finding myself'. It permeates my thinking, feeling and actions on a daily basis. It's the reason I'm in this country, it's the reason I'm on this forum.
SJ's keep it all inside, I suppose that includes their inner jouneys. I saw again today, how I can live with both this inside and outside world going on. I maintain both. I have a conversation with someone and at the same time a whole thing is going on on the inside, emotions, analyses of those emotions etc.
But I cannot imagine myself starting a conversation with someone about what's going on inside me or about where I am in my life or about what it is I want to achieve and therefore it could seem that none of these things are a part of my life. But they very much are, all the time.
Frankly, I can't believe SJ are slighted in even this area.

[Cimarron]

Well, wow. Just coincidence that most of the ISTJs on this site were on tonight?

Thanks for all the thoughts and responses, everybody. (Feel free to keep going, of course.)

[Bella]

Also, I think we have a problem placing emotions, we have them, feel them, but can't always tell where they come from, why they're there and what to do with them. I think this drags out the process of finding yourself.

In other words, we're emotional retards. Haha!

[Anja]

Well, I'm getting to know you a little, Bella, and you seem like a fairly deep ISTJ to me.

I've known my ISTJ husband since I was fifteen. He always looked to me like he had already found himself and knew who he was and what he wanted. But, over time, I have realized that he too, is in process of becoming his true self. And, while he has never said, I like to think that it's important to him.

He just doesn't verbalize it - ever. I doubt that it even occurs to him. He isn't much of a metathinker. Pretty matter-of-fact about things.

And when it comes to feelings, he keeps it simple - mad, bad, sad, glad. That's it. No complexities there. Any more would put him on overload, I think.

[Bella]

Thank you, Anja.
I definitely relate to that description, although the whole thing does occur to me.

'mad, bad, sad, glad', heeee, that's funny! Could I use it in my avatar or something, please?

[Anja]

Take it. Last I looked it was still common property!

Really simplifies things, no?

[Beat]

I don't know myself, nor anyone else.

[Nighthawk]

Well, what's your personal experience? Have you ever tried, or are you trying, or do you try, to "find" yourself? Would/is such an endeavor important to you?

I tried for years to "find myself" in an SJ/SP-oriented career (military). That did not work out so well. I switched to more NT-friendly computer science in my early 30's and that has worked much better. Of course, there is the additional issue of me correlating "finding myself" with my career ... but that's a new and different battle. My ISFJ wife found her calling in life quite early ... and is better at separating the job from the life in general.

[animenagai]

i always like reading the SJ topics. most of them won't write unnecessarily long paragraphs with not much to say. it's the other way round, it's short but it tells me a lot about a type i am more alien to. is it safe to say that SJ's find themselves in a very S way? are they asking questions like 'what job should i get' and 'what should i study' rather than the more airy fairy stuff we N's do?

i have an ISTJ friend who i had a major crush on for 3 years. she's absolutely nuts on the rare occasion but very private and proper most of the time. i showed her the test and after she did it, she told me that she's disappointed about being 'the typical accountant type' (that's what she's studying) because that's what society tells her to be. it makes me think just how much someone like her would've changed if there was more N in her.

[Bella]

I don't understand what she meant with society telling her that accounting is what she should do. Surely she chose it because she enjoys it.

[animenagai]

I don't understand what she meant with society telling her that accounting is what she should do. Surely she chose it because she enjoys it.

she's really molded by society. especially her parents, being your typical overbearing asian parents. she follows the rules. a lot. i think she started drinking coffee just because it's the thing to do. i think that more or less makes her think 'why'.

[Bella]

That's a crying shame! But isn't that more cultural than type related. Mind you, I think I read here somewhere that the Asian countries are ISTJish. The plot thickens.
Keep drinking that coffee, girl! Get your head shaved and a tattoo too!