Preschool, Yes or No?

[Jen]

Is preschool necessary? I went to preschool, but my Mom worked full time. Our older two children went and had fun but I wouldn't say they learned how to count or read in preschool. What do you think?

[disregard]

I voted no, because I feel that it's important for kids to be with their mother during their early years.

[Usehername]

Unless a) you have an only child who doesn't get enough opportunity to learn socialization with peers or b) life is too hectic to not send your kid to preschool, I think it's a nice opportunity but certainly not necessary.

[ajblaise]

Preschool is good for kids that wouldn't have otherwise been introduced to their social peer group before Kindergarten.

The main reason for preschool, in my eyes, to is teach kids how to play with each other, not to fight, how to share....

[Jen]

I really enjoy having our three year old home with me. It's an easier schedule as in I don't have to drop her off at 9 am, only to turn around and pick her up at noon. We have the day to ourselves and if I need free time I do have a reliable drop in childcare center that I am 100% comfortable leaving her for a few hours here and there.

The preschool she was signed up for has not worked out for us. I have found her an even better option but it's 15 minutes away, $240 per month (three days a week, 4 hours each day) and I still would have to drop her off and pick her up in a timely manner. IOW It would be more pressure for me to be on time which I suck at.

I feel guilty not sending her to preschool since all the moms I know send their kids to preschool.

I go to the gym every morning and they have an excellent childcare area for her age group and in the warmer months a really nice playground for them to play in as well as a pool. She is very social and has learned all of her socialization skill at the gym.

I am torn and could go either way. I hate making decisions. I wish I were more NT. :cry:

[Enyo]

I went to preschool. I hated it. But, then again, I've always been a bit on the socially retarded side.

My son went to the same preschool, under new ownership and new management. He loved it. He did learn things, like his colors and counting, but it was a supplement to learning from the family, not a replacement. Plus, it gave him the opportunity to do cool things that I wouldn't have done, like go to Buccaneer Bay (a water theme park) on a regular basis in the summer and to go on pony rides.

When he was older and went to an after school program, it included things like swimming lessons.

If my husband and I do manage to have another baby (which we're hoping for), that baby will most likely not go to preschool full-time since I'll be at home. But I do like the idea of a little kid play group at the park or something, since the next baby will be basically an only child. (My son is almost eleven and decided to move back to the States a year ago.)

[Enyo]

I really enjoy having our three year old home with me. It's an easier schedule as in I don't have to drop her off at 9 am, only to turn around and pick her up at noon. We have the day to ourselves and if I need free time I do have a reliable drop in childcare center that I am 100% comfortable leaving her for a few hours here and there.

The preschool she was signed up for has not worked out for us. I have found her an even better option but it's 15 minutes away, $240 per month (three days a week, 4 hours each day) and I still would have to drop her off and pick her up in a timely manner. IOW It would be more pressure for me to be on time which I suck at.

I feel guilty not sending her to preschool since all the moms I know send their kids to preschool.

I go to the gym every morning and they have an excellent childcare area for her age group and in the warmer months a really nice playground for them to play in as well as a pool. She is very social and has learned all of her socialization skill at the gym.

I am torn and could go either way. I hate making decisions. I wish I were more NT. :cry:

You know, it sounds like you *are* making the right decision. You have a place for you to get the free time that you need. She's getting socialized while you work out. Since those needs are being met, can you honestly think of a logical reason to send her to a preschool? I can't.

In fact, what you're doing is exactly what I hope to be doing with my next child.

[Ivy]

Necessary? Nah. A good thing? Usually, but that's assuming it's a good fit, which it sounds like it isn't.

disregard- why are preschool and children being with their mothers mutually exclusive? Preschool is usually just 2-4 hours a few days a week. There's still plenty of time for children to be with their mothers AND their fathers.

Even if both parents must work full time and children need to be in outside care for more time than that, I don't think it means they will suffer any lack of attachment to parents. I used to, but then I was a childcare provider and saw children doing just fine with whatever routine their parents came up with.

[ajblaise]

You know, it sounds like you *are* making the right decision. You have a place for you to get the free time that you need. She's getting socialized while you work out. Since those needs are being met, can you honestly think of a logical reason to send her to a preschool? I can't.

In fact, what you're doing is exactly what I hope to be doing with my next child.

Is she getting socialized enough though? You don't want to risk her being one of the uncool socially awkward ones once she starts real school. That can ruin someone's whole social school career.

[Ivy]

Is she getting socialized enough though? You don't want to risk her being one of the uncool socially awkward ones once she starts real school. That can ruin someone's whole social school career.

Pfft. 5 is plenty early.

[ajblaise]

Pfft. 5 is plenty early.

Maaan listen to all you smothering mothers... 5 might not be early enough, considering most of the 5 year old's peers have already had a 2 or so year headstart with preschool.

[CaptainChick]

I went to preschool for two years.

It was awesome and I learned a shit ton too, I have my records somewhere, perhaps I will dig them up.

[Ivy]

Maaan listen to all you smothering mothers... 5 might not be early enough, considering most of the 5 year old's peers have already had a 2 or so year headstart with preschool.

How many 5 year olds do you know? I have known a lot, and they don't really care at that point. Believe me, 5 is plenty early (and this is from someone who chose preschool for both my kids).

[Falcarius]

Yes, I think it plays a important roll in emotional and social development.

Believe me, 5 is plenty early (and this is from someone who chose preschool for both my kids).I was in 'real' school then, we start school at four and half here.:shock:

[Jen]

Is she getting socialized enough though? You don't want to risk her being one of the uncool socially awkward ones once she starts real school. That can ruin someone's whole social school career.When Ree was at camp she would come home so cranky because it wore her out. She is very outgoing but I don't think spending four hours in preschool is necessary this year. Next Sept I will likely enroll her since the following year she will be in Kindergarten. The gym I go to is very family oriented and she can stay up to two hours per day (she loves it!) while I work out.

Ree is our last child so I really want to spend as much time with her as I can while of course still giving her the socialization she needs. I am also planning on enrolling her in dance/music class since she is very outgoing.

I will still think about it over the weekend, but I am leaning towards putting preschool on hold. Of course I still would love to hear everyone's opinion on the subject. :)

How many 5 year olds do you know? I have known a lot, and they don't really care at that point. Believe me, 5 is plenty early (and this is from someone who chose preschool for both my kids).Is Thing 2 in preschool?

[ajblaise]

How many 5 year olds do you know? I have known a lot, and they don't really care at that point. Believe me, 5 is plenty early (and this is from someone who chose preschool for both my kids).

I command a gang of 100 5 year olds, they tell me what's up.

Sure they don't care, they don't know what's going on. My only reason for proponing preschool is so they aren't socially lagging behind their peers.

[Metamorphosis]

I'm pro-preschool if it's good. I went to preschool and when I graduated high school probably 50% of the people who graduated in the top 5% were people I went to preschool with, which is saying something for a class of ~1000. Obviously it wasn't all due to preschool but I generally was friends with the people I knew from pre-school up until I was almost out of high school (same classes, etc.).

[CaptainChick]

Yo, there are a butt-load of studies that show how preschool correlates with a butt-load of positive things, and I do mean a butt-load.

[ajblaise]

Yo, there are a butt-load of studies that show how preschool correlates with a butt-load of positive things, and I do mean a butt-load.

and you can't really argue against butt-loads.

[Jen]

Just out of curiosity for those of you who are pro preschool, what are your thoughts on homeschooling?

[CaptainChick]

I'm pro-preschool if it's good. I went to preschool and when I graduated high school probably 50% of the people who graduated in the top 5% were people I went to preschool with, which is saying something for a class of ~1000. Obviously it wasn't all due to preschool but I generally was friends with the people I knew from pre-school up until I was almost out of high school (same classes, etc.).
Yep, that doesn't shock me!

[disregard]

Necessary? Nah. A good thing? Usually, but that's assuming it's a good fit, which it sounds like it isn't.

disregard- why are preschool and children being with their mothers mutually exclusive? Preschool is usually just 2-4 hours a few days a week. There's still plenty of time for children to be with their mothers AND their fathers.

Even if both parents must work full time and children need to be in outside care for more time than that, I don't think it means they will suffer any lack of attachment to parents. I used to, but then I was a childcare provider and saw children doing just fine with whatever routine their parents came up with.

I wouldn't want them to be unnecessarily subjected to other kids at such an impressionable age. I was a very sensitive child, afraid of large groups of people from whom I couldn't defend myself, so I won't subject my kids to it.

I am going to home-school my children, so that may be an important factor to consider concerning of my opinion.

[Ivy]

I command a gang of 100 5 year olds, they tell me what's up.

Sure they don't care, they don't know what's going on. My only reason for proponing preschool is so they aren't socially lagging behind their peers.

I'm trying to tell you that, by and large, they're not. All of that stuff tends to wash out by grade 3 no matter what you do.

[ajblaise]

Just out of curiosity for those of you who are pro preschool, what are your thoughts on homeschooling?

I think there have been studies that show homeschooled kids score very high on tests, but school isn't just about learning English, Math...

Every homeschooled kid I've met has been hopelessly awkward and socially and culturally naive.

[CaptainChick]

and you can't really argue against butt-loads.
Listen dude, I have a an appointment in 15 minutes and I am being an ENFP-nes, right now, by playing on here instead of getting to my appointment, I will be back with data and research to support my stance, believe you me!

:yes:

[cafe]

Nice, but usually unnecessary.

[Ivy]

I wouldn't want them to be unnecessarily subjected to other kids at such an impressionable age. I was a very sensitive child, afraid of large groups of people from whom I couldn't defend myself, so I won't subject my kids to it.

I am going to home-school my children, so that may be an important factor to consider concerning of my opinion.

What if your kids are extroverts, or introverts who enjoy the company of other kids for short bursts? Homeschool was my default option before I had children, but my first child ended up being such an extrovert that I didn't think I could meet her social needs without sacrificing my own (i.e. spending hours each day with groups of other homeschooled kids and their parents, which seems like hell to me).

[Ivy]

I think there have been studies that show homeschooled kids score very high on tests, but school isn't just about learning English, Math...

Every homeschooled kid I've met has been hopelessly awkward and socially and culturally naive.

IMO there's some chicken-and-egg going on there. A lot of kids are homeschooled BECAUSE they have something that sets them apart and makes public school hellish for them. I know it was the case for me- I was super-sensitive and I had been in school for six years (five of them happy) the first time my mom homeschooled me. She ended up finding a private school halfway through the year, where I went for the next three and a half years, but then I was homeschooled again for high school. Homeschool didn't make me socially weird, I was homeschooled because I was socially weird. It worked out when I got to college and met other socially weird people that I meshed with.

[disregard]

Ivy: I know I am the type of person that will change according to the scenario. I will not blindly stick to the decision to do anything (or not do anything), so I can definitely see myself acting in a similar manner to yourself if I have a child that is a social butterfly. I want to do what is best, what will make my child happiest.

[ajblaise]

A lot of kids are homeschooled BECAUSE they have something that sets them apart and makes public school hellish for them.

Yeah I was going to note these exceptions in my last post. The school environment isn't that important to where the need for experiencing it outweighs how it just doesn't work for some people.

I am against someone else choosing homeschooling for a kid who wants and could benefit from the public/private school experience.

[Ivy]

Yeah I was going to note these exceptions in my last post. The school environment isn't that important to where the need for experiencing it outweighs how it just doesn't work for some people.

I am against someone else choosing homeschooling for a kid who wants and could benefit from the public/private school experience.

I can go with this. I'm all for choosing whatever works for a particular family/child. Thing 1 loved her preschool, which was pretty structured. It wouldn't work as well for Thing 2 so he's in a place with more of a loose format. I wasn't satisfied with the local public option here so we chose a charter school for Thing 1 where the kids are on a first-name basis with teachers, they do narrative progress reports instead of letter grading, and the older students interact with the younger ones on a regular basis. It's not a black & white thing.

[ajblaise]

where the kids are on a first-name basis with teachers, they do narrative progress reports instead of letter grading, and the older students interact with the younger ones on a regular basis. It's not a black & white thing.

Now if only all k-12 schools did this...

[Richard0612]

I don't think it necessary by any means (I didn't go) but it can be a nice experience, depending on the child. Some children will thoroughly hate the experience (introverts, perhaps?) and it would be best for the parent(s) to teach the child on a more one-to-one basis, whereas more extroverted children may feel happier in a more social environment and get something out of it.

[Jae Rae]

My kids went to a co-op play-based nursery school. They didn't learn their letters or how to read there. They learned how to be social beings, listen to adults other than their own parents, share and take turns, put toys away, sit in a circle to listen to a story, sing and take turns talking about their weekend, birthday, new sibs, vacations, holidays, etc.

They were also exposed to a rich variety of creative materials - clay, paint, sand, dress-up clothes - and play equipment - slides, swings, twizzlers, climbing structures.

[ajblaise]

My kids went to a co-op play-based nursery school. They didn't learn their letters or how to read there. They learned how to be social beings, listen to adults other than their own parents, share and take turns, put toys away, sit in a circle to listen to a story, sing and take turns talking about their weekend, birthday, new sibs, vacations, holidays, etc.

They were also exposed to a rich variety of creative materials - clay, paint, sand, dress-up clothes - and play equipment - slides, swings, twizzlers, climbing structures.

I think this was what my pre-school was like. Some kind of hippie created play center. I think that's why I have such a favorable view of pre-school.

[kyuuei]

I feel there's nothing in preschool that the parent can't teach themselves.

So it's more a matter of preference. If you think your child is a bit socially challenged, or needs the aid of other teachers that have degrees in how to handle children that are being a bit fussy about learning, blahblahblah, go for it.. but there are still other downsides like schedule conflictions (unless you have a convenient stay-at-home parent, or a neighbor across the street you trade carpooling with week to week like did.) and the spread of colds and diseases amongst young kids and groups.

I went to preschool, learned stuff, and did well. I can't remember if I liked it or not, I was too young.. but I presume that I hated waking up and getting ready every morning, since I still hate that now. In the end, it did its purpose..

Not necessary, but beneficial (which would thus make it necessary to me). That's my vote on it.

[Ivy]

My kids went to a co-op play-based nursery school. They didn't learn their letters or how to read there. They learned how to be social beings, listen to adults other than their own parents, share and take turns, put toys away, sit in a circle to listen to a story, sing and take turns talking about their weekend, birthday, new sibs, vacations, holidays, etc.

They were also exposed to a rich variety of creative materials - clay, paint, sand, dress-up clothes - and play equipment - slides, swings, twizzlers, climbing structures.

:wubbie:

I often tell my son's preschool teacher that I wish I could go back and be a 3 year old in her preschool. Come to think of it, I've said that to my daughter's 4th grade teacher as well. Good schools are so awesome. Bad ones are worse than no school at all, IMO.

[EvanTheClown]

I went to 2 years preschool, and was apathetic with it.

[ArbiterDewey]

Yeah, I went to the same pre-school as Meta and ETC (my real brother.) It was enjoyable, but didn't serve a noticeable purpose. Some friendships made there still exist today (BMS and Meta.)

I felt as though being immersed by peers was a good thing, but not if you're of higher intelligence than most, as you don't have the same interests, even that early on. Not being taught any life-lessons wasn't helpful, just "play. learn. eat. sleep." meh.

The only real thing that stuck was musical memorization of the alphabet and months of the year. I really do hate having to go through most of the alphabet still to find the letter placement when listing things alphabetically.

[booyalab]

Is she getting socialized enough though? You don't want to risk her being one of the uncool socially awkward ones once she starts real school. That can ruin someone's whole social school career.

Have you ever been 4? Kids at that age don't interact, much less have a social career. They color in unison until one kid steals another kid's crayon. Then crying ensues. You don't get meaningful relationships started from a mutual interest in paste flavor.

[Jen]

Have you ever been 4? Kids at that age don't interact, much less have a social career. They color in unison until one kid steals another kid's crayon. Then crying ensues. You don't get meaningful relationships started from a mutual interest in paste flavor.By the age of four children are interacting. The age you're describing sounds much more to me like one and a half to two.

After speaking with my Husband, MIL and reading this thread (thank you for your responses :)) I am going to enroll Ree tomorrow in the preschool that I mentioned in my blog. It was the original preschool we were interested in during registration back in February but they didn't have any openings until after the 08/09 school year started (three weeks ago) and now have 2. I am guessing that either the families relocated or people are fickle and flip flop around. Either way I am happy with the fact that Ree knows the direction and assistant director as they were also the directors of the camp Ree went to over the Summer. They're laid back and very nice so it should work out very well for all of us.

[ajblaise]

Have you ever been 4? Kids at that age don't interact, much less have a social career. They color in unison until one kid steals another kid's crayon. Then crying ensues. You don't get meaningful relationships started from a mutual interest in paste flavor.

I remember interacting, playing, sharing, wrestling, accidentally making girls cry... in pre-school. I made a few friends in pre-school that remained friends throughout regular school.

I'm not sure how pre-school was for you, if you went..

I mean, maybe what your thinking of is even younger kids. Babies and toddlers have no social awareness really, but by the time you're 4 you are starting to.

[Ivy]

Kids at 4 are still doing a lot of parallel play (which is what booyalab described) but it's still an important part of their development to get to do that. It doesn't have to happen in preschool, though.

[Jen]

Parallel play is a concept from developmental psychology. It means children playing side by side without interaction. It is commonly seen among children of ages 2 or 3. Children younger than that tend to play by themselves (solitary play). Older children interact with each other more (group play).

In education, parallel play also describes activities where students are divided into pairs or small groups and work on the same activity simultaneously. This gives all students equal opportunity for active involvement and reduces the exposure. (Since all students are playing, none are watching.)All children are different but I've noticed that Ree does interact with certain children. She was quite close to our neighbors 3 year old triplets boys who recently moved. She knew them all by name and could tell them apart (something I never mastered) and they interacted extremely well together.

[SillyGoose]

My daughter is 4 and goes to a home daycare. I struggled with putting her in preschool or not, the cost in this area is somewhere between $900 - $1400 a month. But, with my experience as a kid and watching my daughter, I don't think preschool will really do anything to make or break her.

My daughter talks to everyone. Children, adults...whatever, she will talk to them and ask questions. It can get embarassing, to say the least.

However, she is very nice and has always shown "charm" at least that is what everyone tells me. She has ingrained social skills, so I'm not really worried about that. Actually, no I am worried that she will distract others..but that is yet to be seen.

And as far as learning, she loves it and is already ahead of her peers. Although I read that kids catch up to each other in 1st and 2nd grade, so her advancement is probably not a big deal.

[booyalab]

I'm not sure how pre-school was for you, if you went..


I much preferred the company of adults in every daycare type thing I was enrolled in, but I'm not talking about myself. I taught sunday school and VBS for years when I was a teenager and still going to church. I also took child development courses and have read a decent amount on the subject. The relationship a 3-5 year old kid forms with his parents is way more important than the ones he forms with other kids. The only reason for sending a kid to preschool is if the alternative is leaving him to fend for himself at home. Or if the mother is a raging bitch or crackwhore and the father is an abusive alcoholic, I suppose. (hypothetically)

[ajblaise]

I much preferred the company of adults in every daycare type thing I was enrolled in, but I'm not talking about myself. I taught sunday school and VBS for years when I was a teenager and still going to church. I also took child development courses and have read a decent amount on the subject. The relationship a 3-5 year old kid forms with his parents is way more important than the ones he forms with other kids. The only reason for sending a kid to preschool is if the alternative is leaving him to fend for himself at home. Or if the mother is a raging bitch or crackwhore and the father is an abusive alcoholic, I suppose. (hypothetically)

Let's say the child doesn't really get peer interaction at home, how little importance do you put on peer interaction for 3-5 year old? The relationship with parents is important, but it's not like kids can't have that and go to pre-school.

[Ivy]

That's my thinking-- sending a kid to preschool doesn't mean taking away from the relationship between parent and child. I don't think there's a slider bar involved, where to give in one area you have to take away from another.

(I'd go to a slider bar, though. Tiny burgers and hooch? Sign me up!)

[ceecee]

I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to put mine in a pre-school at the school they would attend starting kindergarten. 4 half days a week at age 4. It had a good balance of academics (reading, abc's, numbers) as well as socializing. It did them a world of good imo as they were more than ready for kindergarten.

[bluebell]

Preschool is good for kids that wouldn't have otherwise been introduced to their social peer group before Kindergarten.

The main reason for preschool, in my eyes, to is teach kids how to play with each other, not to fight, how to share....

That makes sense to me. I'm glad I went through pre-school because I was pretty isolated before that and it meant school was a little bit easier. Harder to learn how to socialise as you get older, I think.

[ygolo]

"Necessary" is perhaps a strong word but I voted yes. I would like to send my future children to pre-school.

I think pre-school is a good place to socialize children. They have to interact with other children and also with adults that are not their parents. It is important for children to develop a degree of independence early.

Also, assuming they don't have a medical condition preventing development of an immune system. It is also a good place for kids to build up their immunity.

If a "good" pre-school can be found, it may even enhance cognitive development.

[sanveane]

Yes from me too - I was very shy, it helped a lot. I would have found it really difficult to go to school after spending those extra years at home.

At the other extreme I've seen it help my little niece to interact better with other children too. She's very tall for her age, extremely exuberant and affectionate. She had to learn how to play properly without injuring others, lol. She's in her first year of school now. No way would she have dealt with the routine of school without pre-school first. (Her development went ahead in leaps and bounds after a few months at pre-school too).

[mooky]

I say NO!

My Eldest son went to preschool. I had a Happy well behaved little boy, and a few short months later I had a child who I didn't know, and had I not know better I would have sworn had ADHD.

Mind you, I never went to preschool, and had no intention of sending my children. I gave in to pressure from the family to send him, and what I found was that, IMHO, preschool isn't socialisation, its a place where fed up mums drop of their brats for a few hours peace. Children at that age are not capable of meaningful socialisation without constant supervision and I’m afraid the preschools in my area just aren't up to watching the children, or fighting a losing battle with the parents to discipline the naughty ones.

It took me 6 months to get my son back to a boy I recognized, and even now he carries memories of having sand thrown in his eyes there, something I didn't find out about until after he'd left.

I’m sure a preschool could be a positive place, and I’m sure a lot are, but I really don't believe that they can do anything there that you cant do yrself, with out the risk of them not being correctly supervised, and like I was lied, to about what was happening when you where not there.

None of my other children have gone to preschool, and none will. My oldest daughter started full time school a few months back and she has settled in just fine, without going to preschool.