Ageism

[Hmm]

In terms of dating and mating, are you ageist?

[Magic Poriferan]

40 years old makes me uncomfortable. But if i'm really attracted to someone, then like 33 or something doesn't really bother me. I'm pretty flexible about it.

I'm actually flexible about it going the other direction, too, but the law doesn't appreciate that. I thought it was odd how when I turned 18, a massive selection of people were suddenly put off limits. :huh:

[helen]

Yes.

[whatever]

:unsure: I've gone 16 years up before, and 5 years down. I'm not jumping someone who isn't legal though- I'm not that into either kids or getting arrested!

[CaptainChick]

I am not an Age-ist period!!!

I think that there are 12 year olds who are more wise, honest, reliable and competent than some 40 year olds.

[Hmm]

I'm actually flexible about it going the other direction, too, but the law doesn't appreciate that. I thought it was odd how when I turned 18, a massive selection of people were suddenly put off limits. :huh:

I wasn't single when I turned 18 but if I were, I think that would have bothered me too. But now it's not even a consideration to try to date someone who is younger than 18, not only because of the law, but because I assume that we probably wouldn't be able to relate to each other well anyway.

I am not an Age-ist period!!!

I think that there are 12 year olds who are more wise, honest, reliable and competent than some 40 year olds.

:shock: well I was specifically talking about for dating.

[whatever]

oh- oops! I don't know if I could really date someone who fell more than about 8 or so years outside of my age range- they'd either find me a dreadful old fuddy duddy or a tad immature :ninja:

I should learn to read! :D

[heart]

When I was around 18 I started preferring older guys so I guess in a way that was ageist. My husband is 12 years older than I am.

When I was 19, I dated someone 19 years older. :blush:

[whatever]

^ I think the older you get, the bigger the age gap of relatability becomes- I'm still somewhat in college mode, which makes me not fit as well with older people :blush:

[heart]

^ I think the older you get, the bigger the age gap of relatability becomes- I'm still somewhat in college mode, which makes me not fit as well with older people :blush:

I was more emotionally mature in college than I am now. :D My friend's father's nickname for me was "Jane Eyre" and I was sort of seen as a wallflower/too serious type.

I married my husband when I was 21 and he was turning 33. I was still impatient with him at times.

[spirilis]

eh, anyone can be an exception, but if I had to put a boundary around it, it's like this:

"soft limit" (i.e. preferred) +- 3 years (23-29)
"hard limit" +- 6 years (20-32)

[whatever]

it's hard to picture someone much older than me being super excited about the prospect of stomping in puddles, getting in paper wad throwing fights or poking each other in the ribs while strolling through public :doh:

THAT'S the boundary!

[Enyo]

I've never considered age to be a factor in dating. The biggest spread that I've had was two years younger than me to twenty-five years older than me.

Usually, though, my male partners were plus or minus two years. My husband is a year and a half older.

Of course, when I was single, I was much more open-minded, because I was usually going for a good time, not a long time. I don`t often see relationships with a huge age gap that work long-term. (There are a few, but not lots.)

[heart]

it's hard to picture someone much older than me being super excited about the prospect of stomping in puddles, getting in paper wad throwing fights or poking each other in the ribs while strolling through public :doh:

THAT'S the boundary!

Doesn't everybody like those things on a lazy Sat afternoon? :huh:

[Uberfuhrer]

I have decided that I will not date anyone who is over three years older than me. Beyond that, everyone looks a little too old.

And I won't date 12-year-olds, either. And I think under 18 is pushing it a bit, too.

Yes. I am very ageist.

[Edahn]

I've dated older women. Never dated anyone more than 3 years younger -- wait -- 6 years younger, but it was short and she seemed sophisticated. (Late last year.) I'm not against it in principle, but I tend to date girls that are older than I. That way the maturity levels are balanced.

:coffee:

I think that there are 12 year olds who are more wise, honest, reliable and competent than some 40 year olds.

Ew^2

[Uberfuhrer]

Ew^2

What is the age of consent in California?

[GZA]

It's probably not worth much since I'm too young, but I wouldn't be too comfortable going out with a girl/woman more then a year or two older then me. Although obviously you'd get huge style points for dating a grad student in high school :tongue:

[Edahn]

What is the age of consent in California?

Ew^4

[LadyJaye]

I've always dated men who were older, or significantly older than me.

Now, I've entertained the thought of dating someone younger than me, but it still makes me feel weird, like I'm taking advantage. lol Plus the fact I have a hang up with the possibility of saddling a younger guy with the kinds of problems I've got going on, as they are NOT fun, and I think most younger guys are still in "fun" mode, which is totally understandable.

[Uberfuhrer]

Ew^4

Oh, come on, you know I suck at algebra!

[Edahn]

Oh, come on, you know I suck at algebra!

True.

PENAL CODE SECTION 261-269
261.5. (a) Unlawful sexual intercourse is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a person who is not the spouse of the perpetrator, if the person is a minor. For the purposes of this section, a "minor" is a person under the age of 18 years and an "adult" is a person who is at least 18 years of age.
(b) Any person, [even Uber,] who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanor.

[whatever]

*tries not to laugh*

penal code...

:laugh:

[sarah]

In terms of dating and mating, are you ageist?

My husband's 25 years older than I am. So I guess I'm not ageist. ;)

(neither is the hubby for that matter -- he worried about the age difference for half a year before asking me out, mainly because so many other people believe it's a huge problem, and then decided to just listen to his feelings, and to heck with conventional wisdom.)

Sarah
ISFP

[Lateralus]

Most of the women I've dated have been a few years younger than me, eight years being the biggest difference. I've dated a couple women older than me, but they weren't even two years older. I seriously doubt I'll ever get involved with a woman who is significantly (3+ years) older than me.

I guess I'm boring.

[Magic Poriferan]

I've always dated men who were older, or significantly older than me.

Now, I've entertained the thought of dating someone younger than me, but it still makes me feel weird, like I'm taking advantage. lol Plus the fact I have a hang up with the possibility of saddling a younger guy with the kinds of problems I've got going on, as they are NOT fun, and I think most younger guys are still in "fun" mode, which is totally understandable.

Yeah, but there are guys like me. It seems like a kick in the head to having something I want taken away from me, because it be considered "taking advantage" of me. Plus I'm not really relating to the idea of "fun" mode...
So, just look for my kind, and it i'll be cool.

[whatever]

Yeah, but there are guys like me. It seems like a kick in the head to having something I want taken away from me, because it be considered "taking advantage" of me. Plus I'm not really relating to the idea of "fun" mode...
So, just look for my kind, and it i'll be cool.

:devil: you're not under 18 spongie!

[Magic Poriferan]

:devil: you're not under 18 spongie!

I'm still substantially younger than thirty. And if I was 17, I'd still be saying the same thing. :D

[whatever]

I'm still substantially younger than thirty. And if I was 17, I'd still be saying the same thing. :D

17 year olds... kinna scary. I don't feel like being in the sex offender's registry, and meeting the new neighbors could get akward :doh:

[Magic Poriferan]

17 year olds... kinna scary. I don't feel like being in the sex offender's registry, and meeting the new neighbors could get akward :doh:

I would say, "come on, be patient, we don't have to do anything illegal, you'll just have to way for my birthday. I'm worth it, right? Right? Pleeeeeaaaaaase". :laugh:

[whatever]

I would say, "come on, be patient, we don't have to do anything illegal, you'll just have to way for my birthday. I'm worth it, right? Right? Pleeeeeaaaaaase". :laugh:

just don't make me go to prom again! :tongue:

[LadyJaye]

Yeah, but there are guys like me. It seems like a kick in the head to having something I want taken away from me, because it be considered "taking advantage" of me. Plus I'm not really relating to the idea of "fun" mode...
So, just look for my kind, and it i'll be cool.

I'm sorry darling. I wasn't intending to make a blanket statement as such. Just being honest about my hang up with younger men. You're a special sponge, very rare. :hug:

[Magic Poriferan]

just don't make me go to prom again! :tongue:

Haha. That one's too easy. If anyone is afraid of the whole "back in highschool" thing (and I have actually heard that concern), I would point out that I was home-schooled and never got into the highschool mess.

I was honestly thinking about all of these points and counter-points when I was seventeen. :blush:

[Magic Poriferan]

I'm sorry darling. I wasn't intending to make a blanket statement as such. Just being honest about my hang up with younger men. You're a special sponge, very rare. :hug:

I think it's because of the magic. :ninja:

[whatever]

Haha. That one's too easy. If anyone is afraid of the whole "back in highschool" thing (and I have actually heard that concern), I would point out that I was home-schooled and never got into the highschool mess.

I was honestly thinking about all of these points and counter-points when I was seventeen. :blush:

I'm not going to prom in the living room either! :D

And at 17 I was way too busy wondering how I could cut out of Calculus to break into abandoned buildings and write about it for the newspaper staff :shock:

[Magic Poriferan]

I'm not going to prom in the living room either! :D


:azdaja:


And at 17 I was way too busy wondering how I could cut out of Calculus to break into abandoned buildings and write about it for the newspaper staff :shock:

I had a ton of free time though most of my teen years, which I fear was largely wasted. Now I pine for it to return as I procrastinate on a highly important project for college. :cry:

[colmena]

Same as MP's first post.

And I watched The New World the day before yesterday, and totally fell in love with Pocahontas, who was played by a 14 year old.

I was always against going with someone younger (perhaps because I don't like the mostly universal older man thing), but hey, what happens - happens.

http://static.flickr.com/34/89590334_ca62e7ece9_o.jpg
Colin Farrell and Q'orianka Kilcher in Terrence Malick's The New World.

[Metamorphosis]

I don't particularly care, but it's really based on the individual. Myself and an older ENTJ, for example, would have problems. Likewise for someone who is much younger and too emotional.

[PinkPiranha]

Just a few years younger than me gives me the willies. Older, not at all. Much older, not at all. Maybe it's just me, but my head's been done in repeatedly, and I would never wish to foist 3 decades worth of extremely heavy garbage off on someone who's trailing me in age. I feel responsible to shield them. Maybe that's not logical, but it's totally knee jerk and I can't help it.

I'm not against people straddling the age gap at all, and I wish I could be comfortable with it. I'm trying to be more open minded. Not to be corny, but Derek Hough and Shannon Elizabeth together seemed almost perfect. He seemed *VERY* ESTP - gregarious, funny, action-minded, oddly gentlemanly. She seemed ISxJ? He's 22, she's 34. I never would have noticed. In fact I didn't until someone pointed it out.

[Anja]

In terms of "mating and dating" this is a moot point for me.

But I do recognize, as in all my various prejudices, remainders of ageist thinking.

When I was forty some of my daughter's boyfriends could turn my head, if not my mind. Young! Strong! All their hair! Good skin!

Now I'm more apt to think, "Wiggly little critters, ain't they?" Heh.

[phoenix13]

All the guys I've dated fell in the +2-4 yr. range. I had a massive crush on a -1yr. dude and another on my Hungarian violin teacher who was probably in his late 40s/early 50s (but the accent, the black hair, the... Hungarian-ness! How could I not?!). So, age isn't a huge factor in attractiveness.

Now for a relationship, in theory I'd do best with someone a bit older. I'm a lot to handle (not necessarily a good thing), so dude needs to be mature and patient. It would also be awesome if the guy had some relationship experience and knew what he was doing (because I sure don't).

Having said that, I don't adhere to arbitrary rules. The significance of age is something determinable on a case-by-case basis.

[Firelie]

In terms of dating and mating, are you ageist?

Yes, I am. If I'm going to choose to spend my life with someone, I want it to be with someone who has a better chance of lasting as long as I do.

[sanveane]

I don't really care about a person's age, though it happens that I haven't dated anyone substantially older than me. I don't usually find out a person's age until later when it wouldn't matter anyway I guess. It usually ends up that they're around my age.

[disregard]

I am definitely ageist with mating. I don't want the father of my kids to be old. I want him to be a youthful father so that our family can have an active lifestyle.

[htb]

Girls not too far out of college are probably too young for me; too capricious, not enough character or perspective.

Though I can't imagine how a situation would actually develop, I've found myself attracted to women well into their forties.

[Grayscale]

i see walking examples of the fact that getting older does not necessitate accruing wisdom on an almost daily basis :ninja:

ive never dated anyone younger than i am, but considering how many examples there are to having a mental age that is far different from your physical age, id have to say i wouldnt turn someone down on that fact alone (within reason)

[Tallulah]

I dig older men, as a rule. I've gone out with a couple of younger guys, and it just feels weird, because they're at a different time in their lives, and also because we don't share any of the same references. Nothing makes me feel older than having to explain what Schoolhouse Rock was.

I don't know if that's ageist, though. Just experience informing attraction.

[Enyo]

Yes, I am. If I'm going to choose to spend my life with someone, I want it to be with someone who has a better chance of lasting as long as I do.

But if he's significantly older, think of the life insurance potential!

[Bella]

I prefer older men, those who have lived and seen a few things.

[Firelie]

But if he's significantly older, think of the life insurance potential!

I'd rather be poor with a quality partner than rich and lonely. :huh:

And yes, I know you're joking, but I know far too many women of that mindset and it really annoys me... :)

[runvardh]

I want kids so I need her to be young enough for the courting and such to happen, I also need her old enough to be legal and mature in mind and emotion to be the mind and soul mate that I need. For legal, sanity, and desire sake; I have to be ageist.

[Victor]

Actually, I am very suspicious of dating.

It is a highly contrived ritual where both parties try to suss out the other.

But worse, dating confers social status.

Both parties are trying to gain as much advantage as they can.

Yeah, let me say it - I think people who go on dates are boring.

[Firelie]

Actually, I am very suspicious of dating.

It is a highly contrived ritual where both parties try to suss out the other.

But worse, dating confers social status.

Both parties are trying to gain as much advantage as they can.

Yeah, let me say it - I think people who go on dates are boring.

What does this have to do with ageism?

[Victor]

What does this have to do with ageism?

Because dating is ageist.

[Bella]

In a perfect world it would be wonderful to just one day fall in love with someone that has been a friend for years. Someone you already know.

[Magic Poriferan]

In a perfect world it would be wonderful to just one day fall in love with someone that has been a friend for years. Someone you already know.

I feel the same way.

[Victor]

In a perfect world it would be wonderful to just one day fall in love with someone that has been a friend for years. Someone you already know.

It would be like falling in love with a sibling.

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Yes, I am. If I'm going to choose to spend my life with someone, I want it to be with someone who has a better chance of lasting as long as I do.

Best, most practical reason yet.

Because dating is ageist.

Huh?
______________________

On the low end, I prefer a woman who has finished college and started a life for herself. Not strictly because of age, but I think people are very changeable before that point in life, and the woman I meet before that is not likely to be the same woman that I am with when she is 30.

On the high end, I'm not really sure. I've chosen a path that means I'll never have a lot of money or be especially stable, so I think that older women are probably right out for me.

So I consider age, but I wouldn't say I'm ageist.

[Magic Poriferan]

It would be like falling in love with a sibling.

I distinctly know and feel the difference between my siblings and my good friends. It would not be like falling in love with a sibling.

[Victor]

Huh?
______________________

On the low end, I prefer a woman who has finished college and started a life for herself. Not strictly because of age, but I think people are very changeable before that point in life, and the woman I meet before that is not likely to be the same woman that I am with when she is 30.

On the high end, I'm not really sure. I've chosen a path that means I'll never have a lot of money or be especially stable, so I think that older women are probably right out for me.

So I consider age, but I wouldn't say I'm ageist.

Ageism is the ascribing of personal characteristics on the basis of age. In the same way racism is ascribing personal characteristics on the basis of race.

This is what you do above. So we know you are ageist. Are you racist as well?

[Victor]

I distinctly know and feel the difference between my siblings and my good friends. It would not be like falling in love with a sibling.

You're pulling my leg.

[Bella]

It would be like falling in love with a sibling.

Yes, if you don't find them sexually attractive. I am not that noble, yes there should be physical attraction. So now you might ask me, if there was a physical attraction all the time, then the friendship was never just a friendship.
But I have noticed that there are different levels of attraction. How do I put this...You can have two male friends, in both cases you have a completely platonic friendship, but thinking of sleeping with the one freaks you out completely where with the other pesron it is not repulsive at all. It is that friend that you can fall in love with.

Disregard, I see your point, but still prefer option B.

[disregard]

Ageism is the ascribing of personal characteristics on the basis of age. In the same way racism is ascribing personal characteristics on the basis of race.
Ah, in this case, I am not ageist. I notice that I naturally treat everyone as if they were another me.

[disregard]

Disregard, I see your point, but still prefer option B.

I do too, of course.

[Victor]

I notice that I naturally treat everyone as if they were another me.

I'd like you to treat me a bit better than that, mate.

[Firelie]

Because dating is ageist.

Uh, not really. Dating is about getting to know someone. Ageists date, dating itself is not ageist.

[Victor]

Uh, not really. Dating is about getting to know someone. Ageists date, dating itself is not ageist.

Go on!

Grandparents don't date teenagers - it's against the rules.

[colmena]

Go on!

Grandparents don't date teenagers - it's against the rules.

I saw a program earlier where a Grandmother of 34 swapped numbers with a 19 year old at a club.

[Firelie]

Go on!

Grandparents don't date teenagers - it's against the rules.

It happens. Especially if the teenager is of "legal" age.

And the reason it's against the rules to date non-legal teenagers isn't because the older person is a grandparent, it's because society doesn't feel the young person is mentally or emotionally prepared (or something along those lines) to make adult decisions regarding their body and lovelife.

[heart]

Actually, I am very suspicious of dating.

It is a highly contrived ritual where both parties try to suss out the other.

But worse, dating confers social status.

Both parties are trying to gain as much advantage as they can.

Yeah, let me say it - I think people who go on dates are boring.

Dating is just going places together and doing things together or it can be just sitting and talking. It's just two people deciding they want to spend time together and get to know each other. It's just being open about having romantic/sexual interest in the other person but other than that no different from going someplace with another type of friend. Dating can be as formal or informal as the two people who go on the dates want it to be. It would be as contrived or uncontrived as the two people who go on the date make it to be. People over think things too many times.

[heart]

On the low end, I prefer a woman who has finished college and started a life for herself. Not strictly because of age, but I think people are very changeable before that point in life, and the woman I meet before that is not likely to be the same woman that I am with when she is 30.

On the high end, I'm not really sure. I've chosen a path that means I'll never have a lot of money or be especially stable, so I think that older women are probably right out for me.

So I consider age, but I wouldn't say I'm ageist.

Ageism is the ascribing of personal characteristics on the basis of age. In the same way racism is ascribing personal characteristics on the basis of race.

This is what you do above. So we know you are ageist. Are you racist as well?

Why is something as personal and subjective as dating and mating judged so harshly when people have certain tastes in so far as what they want? He knows himself and what he wants (and so many people don't think so deeply about it before making the jump and then wonder why there is a lack of compatability) so who is anyone else to judge such a private area of his life?

[Edahn]

Ageism is the ascribing of personal characteristics on the basis of age. In the same way racism is ascribing personal characteristics on the basis of race.

This is what you do above. So we know you are ageist. Are you racist as well?

Lets assume you are right. So what? People like to anathematize stereotyping but we use it all the time because it's handy. There are certain generalizations you can make on the basis of age, and sometimes race, too. Like heart said, there's nothing wrong with having preference. Having a big heart doesn't mean you have zero preferences in life; that's just self-sacrifice in the name of another preference, which seems contradictory and unwise.

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Ageism is the ascribing of personal characteristics on the basis of age. In the same way racism is ascribing personal characteristics on the basis of race.

This is what you do above. So we know you are ageist. Are you racist as well?

Did you fail debating, or did you just not take it?

Many personal characteristics are inextricably linked with age. Is it ageist to say that a six-year-old is incapable of conceiving? Is it ageist to say that a ninety-year-old cannot run as fast as a twenty-year-old? Or, to address your absurd comparison to racism, is it racist to say that black people have darker skin than white people?

By and large, a twenty year old woman just isn't going to be as settled in her life or her identity as a thirty year old. Some things just are, no matter how politically inconvenient to your argument it may be.

[Kaizer]

no.

I don't know if its personality type specific, but interaction and preference of ppl to associate with at its natural peak level at best i.e. its level of incompetence, is what seems to dictate who we associate with and how deep or shallow that association ends up being. In one case, perception guides and indicates the extent/depth to which it goes and hence its a slower process, and in the other J leads accompanied by F and/or S and its a much more instant assessment.

Would Js have a more natural propensity/inclination towards ageism ?

[ajblaise]

I probably wouldn't go below 18 or above like 35, but I really have no real cut-off in mind.

[sarah]

it's hard to picture someone much older than me being super excited about the prospect of stomping in puddles, getting in paper wad throwing fights or poking each other in the ribs while strolling through public :doh:

THAT'S the boundary!


Actually, my 62 year old husband still does that sort of thing. Getting into rubber band shooting fights is fun, too. ;)

Sarah
ISFP

[Victor]

I saw a program earlier where a Grandmother of 34 swapped numbers with a 19 year old at a club.

Just like your Grandmother, my mother was 15 years older than my father.

They had a happy marriage and produced my sister, Juliana, and myself.

But my mother had to keep it a secret all her life.

And she kept it a secret because of a fear of Ageism.

And I had a girlfriend ten years older than myself and she constantly had to defend herself against comments that she looked like my mother.

Ageism is alive and well.

[FDG]

I am ageist in the sense that I don't like the idea of dating people that are older or younger than me - in a broad sense, so 1 or 2 years younger or older wouldn't be a problem. I am not ageist in the sense that I think older or younger people are better at specific tasks - indeed there are many younger people that are better at sports than me, so I don't understand why wouldn't it be possible that a younger boy was wiser than me.

[Sarcasticus]

Meh, just stick to the formula and you'll be fine and not likely come off looking like Mr. Creepy:

YourPartnersAge >= (YourAge/2) + 7

:D

/didnt read the whole thread
//current gf is 8 years younger than me.
///the one before that was 16 years younger, which nearly violated the rule

[LadyJaye]

I dig older men, as a rule. I've gone out with a couple of younger guys, and it just feels weird, because they're at a different time in their lives, and also because we don't share any of the same references. Nothing makes me feel older than having to explain what Schoolhouse Rock was.

I don't know if that's ageist, though. Just experience informing attraction.

LOL! Schoolhouse Rock. Seriously! :D Or having to explain my 25 year jones on Simon LeBon. :D

I have a crush on a man who's in AARP magazine. lol I've had an INTJ guy friend of mine waving his finger at me and using exasperated tones, insisting that I need to stop looking at "mummies". Honestly, my concern with younger guys is that they'll be eaten alive by my intensity, due to a protracted and stressful life. I keep feeling like I'm robbing them of lighter moments. I can't help how things are going around me, but I do have control over who I expose to it. Perhaps.

[Grayscale]

LOL! Schoolhouse Rock. Seriously! :D Or having to explain my 25 year jones on Simon LeBon. :D

I have a crush on a man who's in AARP magazine. lol I've had an INTJ guy friend of mine waving his finger at me and using exasperated tones, insisting that I need to stop looking at "mummies". Honestly, my concern with younger guys is that they'll be eaten alive by my intensity, due to a protracted and stressful life. I keep feeling like I'm robbing them of lighter moments. I can't help how things are going around me, but I do have control over who I expose to it. Perhaps.

'sif id let you two keep schoolhouse rock all to yourself. i still get "lolly lolly lolly get your adverbs here" stuck in my head sometimes.

and young people can be intense too. i think it's more a matter of how much someone has been through in their life so far moreso than how long that is exactly.

but not me, my mind is so free and my heart is light. i think of nothing but daisies and puppies, and chocolate cake. dont ruin that sort of innocence. :puppy_dog_eyes:



on a more serious note, i am reminded of something my dad always told me, to "never say no for someone". i was about 14 and looking for a job, but i would give up before even asking the person because i thought they'd think i was too young instead of letting them make that decision themselves. being considerate is different than making value decisions on behalf of someone else.

[Hmm]

It would be like falling in love with a sibling.

It's true and I am completely floored that this came from you.

[LadyJaye]

'sif id let you two keep schoolhouse rock all to yourself. i still get "lolly lolly lolly get your adverbs here" stuck in my head sometimes.

I never said that the songs weren't antagonizing. lol But I got afflicted with that show pretty much every day at school, so it's a right of passage for some of us, good or bad.

and young people can be intense too. i think it's more a matter of how much someone has been through in their life so far moreso than how long that is exactly.

It's only a life experience theme that I'm referring to, not a question of personality intensity. And I'm not saying that I have all of this road experience, and that no one younger than myself could possibly understand or have been exposed to the same sorts of things, maybe even worse things. I just feel a personal responsibility to not heap the residual problems of hard living on someone else who may have a chance at avoiding those experiences altogether.


on a more serious note, i am reminded of something my dad always told me, to "never say no for someone". i was about 14 and looking for a job, but i would give up before even asking the person because i thought they'd think i was too young instead of letting them make that decision themselves. being considerate is different than making value decisions on behalf of someone else.

I agree. It isn't fair to make a decision for someone else. Maybe they feel equipped to handle it. But, I don't know how I would feel, the idea that I might be a corrosive influence on another person. That would profoundly bother me.

[EffEmDoubleyou]

on a more serious note, i am reminded of something my dad always told me, to "never say no for someone". i was about 14 and looking for a job, but i would give up before even asking the person because i thought they'd think i was too young instead of letting them make that decision themselves. being considerate is different than making value decisions on behalf of someone else.

Agreed. Everything about you is a part of who you are. If it's you they truly want, they'll take what comes along with you, because there isn't another you. Give people a chance to surprise you, and lots of times they will.

Excuse me, I have to go poop a rainbow.

[LadyJaye]

Agreed. Everything about you is a part of who you are. If it's you they truly want, they'll take what comes along with you, because there isn't another you. Give people a chance to surprise you, and lots of times they will.

Excuse me, I have to go poop a rainbow.

Booooo! to you and your rainbows, you Pollyanna!

[Jack Flak]

I agree with Grayscale on the issue of protection, for the most part. I don't have trouble recognizing the kind of angst I prefer to avoid. I've taken some soul damage, but you usually find me smiling.

[Hmm]

Excuse me, I have to go poop a rainbow.

Yay!

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/1364/smurfettethumbah6.png

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Somehow, I think "Excuse me, I have to go poop a rainbow" is going to wind up as Martoon's next signature.

[Anja]

"Hey, Nineteen!
No, we can't dance together.
No, we can't talk at all.
She don't know 'retha Franklin.
She don't remember. . ."

[heart]

^He could teach her about Aretha Franklin and he could listen to some of her music. Me and my husband listen to all sorts of music, especially from 1960's to the present. The only thing he doesn't care for is the Baroque. I was nineteen when I met him. We both prefer old movies.

I think music and entertainment is the least of the divide between people with an age difference. jmo

[Martoon]

I'm still somewhat in college mode, which makes me not fit as well with older people :blush:
Yeah, me too.

Nothing makes me feel older than having to explain what Schoolhouse Rock was.
WTH is Schoolhouse Rock???

Because dating is ageist.
It would be like falling in love with a sibling.
Dude! Bitter, much?

You can have two male friends, in both cases you have a completely platonic friendship, but thinking of sleeping with the one freaks you out completely where with the other pesron it is not repulsive at all.
Mmm, I don't know. I think I'd have to to go with the "freaks me out completely" option on both.

Somehow, I think "Excuse me, I have to go poop a rainbow" is going to wind up as Martoon's next signature.
Well, now it is.

[PinkPiranha]

There's always boundaries.

When I was a mechanic still in school, I had a teacher who was barely older than me. I was 19, he was 26. There was a lot of sexual tension between us at points. I walked into my foreman's office to check on a grade, and he says, "Pink, meet the new hired gun, Mr. X..." and I gave New Guy a withering look, said, "Mister? You ain't old enough to be a mister. You ain't old enough to be an anything..." Foreman bit a toothpick in his teeth, barked a wheezy laugh and pointed a finger at Mr. X. "She's all yours next semester, boy."

Mr. X could tell me, years later, exactly what I was wearing the first day he saw me. I couldn't even remember.

Rules - (despite what Van Halen said) no current teachers.

[Tallulah]

"Hey, Nineteen!
No, we can't dance together.
No, we can't talk at all.
She don't know 'retha Franklin.
She don't remember. . ."

Hee, I always loved that song.

[kyuuei]

How is someone NOT ageist at least a little bit?

Seriously, if I saw a 25 year old trying to talk to my 14 yr. old sister in a I like you sort of way, I would automatically assume him a pervert and tell him to stay away from her, and call the cops the first time I saw him violate my warning.

Similarly, I would never take an interest in someone who was that age, no matter how mature seeming they are. I wouldn't shun them, if they wanted to talk to me, I'd be polite, but I would have to say a slight friendship would be the greatest we would ever become until he became an adult, in which case we might become real friends.

I won't date anyone 45 years old.. the age gap also puts a gap in the way we might think or see situations, and if it doesn't than that's one stuck dude.

Even if I did find someone I really liked that age and married him hypothetically.. (Ive seen marriages work where the wife was considerably younger than the husband. or at least so far they're working.) it doesn't mean I'm NOT ageist. Friendships are different, I have friends of all ages.. but dating, I draw lines, partly because I know how immature I really was at 14-18.. and I want to protect my sister from any potential perverts lying to her to get a piece of younger ass. Fuck that shit.

[Anja]

I had a rugged relationship with my mom in my teen years and for years avoided making friends with older women. When I was thirty I joined a group with some older women in it and wasn't very happy to see anyone my age but men. But it turned out to be a really good deal to learn how to see them as possible mentors instead of the enemy. I was so surprised! Still carrying around my little girl attitude at thirty!

Once burned twice shy? But I didn't make the first move; they sort of kidnapped me! Dragged me kicking and screaming into a world where women didn't compete with each other. It was a good thing to learn.

[Bella]

I had a rugged relationship with my mom in my teen years and for years avoided making friends with older women. When I was thirty I joined a group with some older women in it and wasn't very happy to see anyone my age but men. But it turned out to be a really good deal to learn how to see them as possible mentors instead of the enemy. I was so surprised! Still carrying around my little girl attitude at thirty!

Once burned twice shy? But I didn't make the first move; they sort of kidnapped me! Dragged me kicking and screaming into a world where women didn't compete with each other. It was a good thing to learn.

I have also met some wonderful woman who have, in some small way, done the job my mom was supposed to do.

[LadyJaye]

Even if I did find someone I really liked that age and married him hypothetically.. (Ive seen marriages work where the wife was considerably younger than the husband. or at least so far they're working.) it doesn't mean I'm NOT ageist. Friendships are different, I have friends of all ages.. but dating, I draw lines, partly because I know how immature I really was at 14-18.. and I want to protect my sister from any potential perverts lying to her to get a piece of younger ass. Fuck that shit.

You should be suspicious, and protecting your sister is important. When I think about some of the relationships I was approached with when I was 16-18 years old, it makes me cringe. I had 28 and 30 year old men pursuing me, not just casually, and I couldn't see at the time that there was something wrong with what they were doing. I thought I was mature enough to handle it, at least knowing enough to resist the advances. But, there are some things you just aren't prepared for when you're only 16, mature or not.

[Beat]

I'm not a whore I swear, but I've been "romantic" with women in their 30s and 40s. Nothing serious but more than just blowing kisses heh... I'll admit the 40s thing creeps me out a bit. It's a big leap and I can't say I was really into it, but it just sort of happened... I wouldn't have reservation being with someone 10-15 years older if I really got to liking them. As for dating down... At my age, down even just a couple of years is pretty significant. People change a lot in their late teens and in their 20s. You might be an "adult" at 18 but there's a big maturing and growing process within those years. So that's how it normally seems but there's pretty much always exceptions to the rule.

[Bella]

I'm not a whore I swear, but I've been "romantic" with women in their 30s and 40s. Nothing serious but more than just blowing kisses heh... I'll admit the 40s thing creeps me out a bit. It's a big leap and I can't say I was really into it, but it just sort of happened... I wouldn't have reservation being with someone 10-15 years older if I really got to liking them. As for dating down... At my age, down even just a couple of years is pretty significant. People change a lot in their late teens and in their 20s. You might be an "adult" at 18 but there's a big maturing and growing process within those years. So that's how it normally seems but there's pretty much always exceptions to the rule.

It was pure deliciousness, huh, Beat?

[Beat]

awwww yeeeeahhhhhhhhhhh.

Wait, what?

[LadyJaye]

awwww yeeeeahhhhhhhhhhh.

Wait, what?

Did she make you play Cabana Boy to her Rich Wife? :devil:

[Beat]

lol :nono:

[Hmm]

This is Beat's brain.

http://i487.photobucket.com/albums/rr232/Hakuna_matata08/02malebrainam5.gif

[Beat]

hahah! That might possibly be the best image I've ever seen.

[heart]

Anyone else see: Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone ?

[Enyo]

You should be suspicious, and protecting your sister is important. When I think about some of the relationships I was approached with when I was 16-18 years old, it makes me cringe. I had 28 and 30 year old men pursuing me, not just casually, and I couldn't see at the time that there was something wrong with what they were doing. I thought I was mature enough to handle it, at least knowing enough to resist the advances. But, there are some things you just aren't prepared for when you're only 16, mature or not.

Exactly. I didn't see anything wrong with it when I was 16 and was dating a 23 year old that I worked with. I admit, I really enjoyed the attention, since I was the ugly duckling and at 16 was when I just finally started to get a bit on the pretty side.

The funny thing is, it wasn't a meaningful relationship for me. Even at 16, I didn't consider it meaningful. But it was a hell of a good time.

By the same token, though, if a 23 year old tried to pick up either of my nieces (14 and 16), I'd definitely have to give serious consideration to running them down with my car.

With my nephews (19 and 21), I give them shit if I think the girl is too young for them. Fortunately, I'm the cool aunt, and they listen to me. In fact, out of all the girls that my nephews have dated, my oldest nephew married the only one that I've ever liked.

[Anja]

Just watch your step with those much older folks, especially if they seem terribly grateful for your attention and have a lot to offer you. . .