SFP males... do you have this problem?

[Mo_(operalover)]

I've had to 'reject' (God how I hate that word) the advances two girls (an ENFJ & an ESFP) over the course of the past two months. I did it very gently and kind of skirted the issue somewhat and somehow, they and (especially) their GFs are majorly pissed off at me. Reason? Apparently, I led the girls on. Repeatedly, they say.

I'm still scratching my head; I was respectful and friendly and... that's about it. No conscious flirting on my part. Some of you may think "bah, where's the problem mentioned in the title?" I hate feeling like a jerk and... misery loves company. Two heads are better than one. Ah, whatever. Anyone else have this issue? And how can I 'prevent' it?

Mo

[Quinlan]

I have no idea where the line between being friendly and being flirty is, to me they seem kind of like the same thing. I'm also fairly oblivious as to how others perceive me, so combine those two and I've probably crossed the line fairly often just by being my playful self.

[Mo_(operalover)]

I have no idea where the line between being friendly and being flirty is, to me they seem kind of like the same thing. I'm also fairly oblivious as to how others perceive me, so combine those two and I've probably crossed the line fairly often just by being my playful self.

I guess I may also have that issue. In my mind, I'm just being friendly but it comes off as flirtatious behavior to the ladies. :doh:

Mo

[Jeffster]

Yeah, I'm often called a flirt, but the truth is I'm just naturally this charming. :cool:

[sarah]

I've had to 'reject' (God how I hate that word) the advances two girls (an ENFJ & an ESFP) over the course of the past two months. I did it very gently and kind of skirted the issue somewhat; they and their GFs are majorly pissed off at me. Reason? Apparently, I led the girls on. Repeatedly, they say.

I'm still scratching my head; I was respectful and friendly and... that's about it. No conscious flirting on my part. Some of you may think "bah, where's the problem mentioned in the title?" I hate feeling like a jerk and... misery loves company. Two heads are better than one. Ah, whatever. Anyone else have this issue? And how can I 'prevent' it?

Mo

I realize I'm not an SFP male, but I've had the same thing! No conscious flirting, just these guys who think I'm encouraging them romantically even though that was the last thing on my mind. It doesn't happen so much now that I'm married, but sometimes guys overlook the presence of a wedding ring and think that because I'm relatively young (37) and I smile at them when I help them find library materials, or help them find what they need in the grocery store when I'm grocery shopping (sometimes I think I must have "ask me, I'm helpful" printed on my forehead) I must therefore be dying to get romantically involved with them.

During the year and a half I was in grad school, this happened more frequently. One guy got so mad at me for "leading him on" to believe that we had relationship potential that he snubbed me for the entire rest of the time I was in school there. I still don't know what I actually did that led him to believe I was committed to having a relationship with him just because I was friendly.

I also hate feeling like a jerk, and I'm glad that most guys look for a ring on a woman's finger before they assume that she's fair game for their romantic assumptions. I never figured out a way of preventing it, and would be curious to know if there is any way....

Sarah
ISFP

[sarah]

I guess I may also have that issue. In my mind, I'm just being friendly but it comes off as flirtatious behavior to the ladies. :doh:

Mo


You know, maybe it's that our friendliness has an overt playfulness about it that people commonly associate with flirtation. I never thought about that until now...

But that would suck if I had to change who I was just to avoid people getting the wrong impression.

Sarah
ISFP

[Jack Flak]

Slightly beside the OP point: I have noticed that ESFP females tend to be incredibly flirtatious with all guys who don't repulse them.

[lauranna]

I don't see it as a problem. It is indeed them with the problem! flirting, playfullness. all part of the game! Some people just take it all way too seriously!

[PinkPiranha]

Agreed. Being playful shouldn't brand you as a flirt.

[Randomnity]

I've had this happen before as well, to varying degrees, though of course I'm not ISFP, or a male. Only once was it a big deal though....but I still don't get it when people say I'm flirting outrageously and I'm only being friendly and/or genuinely enjoying someone's company without it being at all sexual or intending to imply anything.

I think people read into your actions what they want to, a lot of the time.

[PinkPiranha]

I think people read into your actions what they want to, a lot of the time.

Exactly. If they're determined.

[FDG]

Slightly beside the OP point: I have noticed that ESFP females tend to be incredibly flirtatious with all guys who don't repulse them.

Yeah. I think that (if you're wondering if there's a romantic interest or not) what you have to look for - with people in general - is the relative treatment you get compared to other people, rather than the absolute value so to speak.

[Hmm]

Flirts in this thread.

:alttongue:

[runvardh]

I don't see it as a problem. It is indeed them with the problem! flirting, playfullness. all part of the game! Some people just take it all way too seriously!

And not enough of us realize how seriously we take it. The fact that I know I do is a big reason why it takes me so long to accept that someone actually likes me rather than just playing. Level of seriousness just shows where the values are, maturity is where the superiority is...

[Mo_(operalover)]

You know, maybe it's that our friendliness has an overt playfulness about it that people commonly associate with flirtation. I never thought about that until now...

But that would suck if I had to change who I was just to avoid people getting the wrong impression.

Sarah
ISFP

I know!

I had vowed to become formal in demeanour with one of those girls but her friend advised me against it that would 'hurt her' more than my 'egocentric flirting'.

Darned if you do, darned if you don't.


Yeah, I'm often called a flirt, but the truth is I'm just naturally this charming. :cool:

Haha, I bet you are.


I think people read into your actions what they want to, a lot of the time.

They brand their own concrete expectations of what is to happen onto the situation and then they get perplexed and upset when reality doesn't match up to their 'plans'. It makes me want to yell "back off a bit there, mortal."

[Jack Flak]

Yeah. I think that (if you're wondering if there's a romantic interest or not) what you have to look for - with people in general - is the relative treatment you get compared to other people, rather than the absolute value so to speak.
You know it. I found that out at sixteen when I saw my favorite ESFP hanging off another guy's neck (or some such of her flirty behaviors, mheh) For shame! I knew then I was screwed, lacking at the time any socially advantageous personality traits whatsoever. :)