Clinginess

[Hmm]

What do you think causes a person to be clingy? I tend to be clingy and possessive.

[ajblaise]

Maybe they were ignored in their childhood, maybe fear of rejection, or being alone.

Or maybe it's just their personality.

I'm not sure if there is a distinction between clingy and possessive and over-clingy and over-possessive though.

[Magic Poriferan]

What do you think causes a person to be clingy? I tend to be clingy and possessive.

I tend to be as well. I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem, for one thing. The more you doubt your abilities, the more you feel like you need someone else's strength. The more you doubt your worth, the more worried you are that someone will abandon you, and also the more affirmation you need.

It can also come from a combination of A) really appreciating someone's company, + B) having low emotional tolerance for things you don't like. The result here is that the person you are clinging to is your sanctuary, or your sedetive. You run to them for relief from what you hate in life.

I'm basically projecting myself a bit, but those are just my ideas on why clinginess could happen.

[Geoff]

What do you think causes a person to be clingy? I tend to be clingy and possessive.

It's partly an ISFJ quality.. a need to feel harmony and be loved, cared for.

[Grayscale]

i always figured it was the fear of loss that leads people to desire more of something than they currently have, whether that be money (greed), food, security, or someone's love and attention... it could be anything, really.

where that fear comes from is much more varied, but you dont really see this type of behavior in someone who is content with their level of whatever the substance of reference.

sometimes the solution is undoing the past, sometimes it is a fix which can be more or less permanent, or simply coming to terms with the fear as irrational (if it is)


some people are "clingy" :) but i think most of us have at least something we try to cling to, even if that isn't a person. for me, it is my sense of individuality. and the fact of the matter is, having what we desire more of doesnt fix the problem, because the problem is the fear and that fear still controls us. my solution is to try and appreciate what ive had and what i do have at the time being instead of fearing what i dont, or the potential loss thereof... nothing can ever take away from that.

[ptgatsby]

A good test to take on this is -

Attachment Style (http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl)

(Attachment styles).

There are a few reasons, but it comes down to anxiety.

[ceecee]

What do you think causes a person to be clingy? I tend to be clingy and possessive.

I have to say..my first thought was..I wouldn't be admitting that in public, even if it were true for me. But that's me and not you. Recognizing a problem is a positive step.

Fear, anxiety, desire to control a partner, low self-esteem, mental illness. Those are my guesses.

[colmena]

I have to say..my first thought was..I wouldn't be admitting that in public, even if it were true for me. But that's me and not you. Recognizing a problem is a positive step.

Why's that? I don't see it as a problem. I think clingyness and possessiveness is very natural.

[SillyGoose]

Why's that? I don't see it as a problem. I think clingyness and possessiveness is very natural.

I think so too, at least on a healthy level. When it becomes unhealthy or a person has a pattern of excessive clinginess is a severe problem, IMO.

It seems to me it comes from mainly anxiety and insecurity. But that is only my experience with a couple of guys I dated that were like that.

[CaptainChick]

Codependent people tend to be clingy, imo.

[ceecee]

Why's that? I don't see it as a problem. I think clingyness and possessiveness is very natural.

At any level? Even extreme ones?

I think so too, at least on a healthy level. When it becomes unhealthy or a person has a pattern of excessive clinginess is a severe problem, IMO.

It seems to me it comes from mainly anxiety and insecurity. But that is only my experience with a couple of guys I dated that were like that.

They key word here is healthy. I think in every relationship there is some momentary thought of mine, mine, MINE. I don't think this thought should be across the board at a constant level.

[colmena]

At any level? Even extreme ones?



They key word here is healthy. I think in every relationship there is some momentary thought of mine, mine, MINE. I don't think this thought should be across the board at a constant level.

I think it depends on the language that is used. Clingyness and possessiveness are quite negative, but I don't think it's too far from intimacy (the clingy, at least) in a reciprocated, loving relationship.

Perhaps the language used is a sign of insecurity that may be alleviated once the person finds someone appreciative of intimacy to be with.

Again, it all sounds very natural to me.

Obviously, if there's some serious Swim-fan situation, then there's something wrong. That's stating the obvious, I would have thought. I shouldn't need to say it.

[Hexis]

:hug:...:spam_laser:

[disregard]

Low self-esteem combined with idleness.

[Beat]

^I can agree with that.

[01011010]

Low self-esteem combined with idleness.

I second this.

Clingy and needy are abhorrent qualities. I will run for the hills the first time those traits are directed towards me.

[Eldanen]

Low self-esteem combined with idleness.

Thirded.

[colmena]

I was a wannabe clingy at 15-16. Best feeling ever.

[helen]

Low self-esteem combined with idleness.

This makes sense. I also think Colmena had some good points to make. Too much clingyness might indicate insecurity-- something to work on, but is it such a severe problem? I think some clingyness is kinda cute.

Perhaps being excessively ticked off by someone's clingy and possessive tendencies indicates a fear of intimacy. . . yet another expression of insecurity? Just a thought.

[runvardh]

As long as it's around enough to make her want me I'm fine. A little more than that and she had better have similar interests to me or she's in trouble. Too much more than that and I'd say she's too insecure for my tastes.

[FDG]

Often, being clingy is the result of the other party not being the right one for us, meaning not the one that is able to give us the right kind of security that we need. I mean, clinginess at least means that the person cares about the relationship, I suppose, so it has a positive side.

Possessivness instead I'd classify as a generally useless feeling, given that if you're possessive of somebody that is likely to roam around, he'll roam around in any case; if you're possessive of somebody that is honest, then it means you're parnoid and you'll likely to distance yourself from him because of that reason, and maybe lose a potentially good relationship. Even when I may feel jealous, I try to suppress it, given that it would bear no positive results.

[Rachelinpa]

Often, being clingy is the result of the other party not being the right one for us, meaning not the one that is able to give us the right kind of security that we need. I mean, clinginess at least means that the person cares about the relationship, I suppose, so it has a positive side.

I agree with this. You just redefined the word.

This took me a while to figure out. I hate it when people cling to me in a demanding co-dependent way, and I dislike being that way as well. Once I was in a relationship with a guy who sort of lost his devoted interest in me and it completely freaked me out. I felt myself becoming "clingy" and hating myself for it. Thing is, I was grabbing for attention from someone who was not interested in giving it (he wasn't the right one).

Clingy defined as devotion and a desire for quality time is healthy, I think.

[GargoylesLegacy]

Maybe they were ignored in their childhood, maybe fear of rejection, or being alone.

Or maybe it's just their personality.

I'm not sure if there is a distinction between clingy and possessive and over-clingy and over-possessive though.
What the Panda said!

I actually used to be clingy, just because of the Fact that I didn't really have a Family or Friends and was happy when Someone actually wanted to be with me.
But I got rid of that since...well, I hate it when Some1 is OVERclingy, so I figured I dun do it to others either. ;)

[kuranes]

I think it depends on the language that is used. Clingyness and possessiveness are quite negative, but I don't think it's too far from intimacy (the clingy, at least) in a reciprocated, loving relationship.

Perhaps the language used is a sign of insecurity that may be alleviated once the person finds someone appreciative of intimacy to be with.

Again, it all sounds very natural to me.

Obviously, if there's some serious Swim-fan situation, then there's something wrong. That's stating the obvious, I would have thought. I shouldn't need to say it.
+1