Inability to release...

[Uberfuhrer]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

[Jennifer]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Yup, been there, done that.

For me, I remember crying a lot as a child, then reached a place where I consciously chose to bottle, and then the tears came few and far between for the next 20-25 years (usually triggered only by artistic experiences) until recently.

I guess my questions are:

1. Was there ever a time when you DID cry easily/normally? Or is this your baseline, even if you don't like it?

2. Are you in a social environment where tears are naturally suppressed out of survival?

3. Do you generally feel numb emotionally? (Depression makes some people weep more; others, it numbs, and they can't feel anything and so they feel "dead" and can't cry even when they're miserable.)

In general I have also found that women are more tuned into their bodies (men tend to ignore any sensations they get from theirs, either they're not as physically sensitive due to the thicker skin from testosterone) and are more emotionally aware, the emotions are closer to the surface. Socialization obviously also impacts ability to cry, if you're forced to suppress it for too long.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Well, when I was depressed, I hurt inside bad enough to feel suicidal a lot of the time... but at the same time I felt numb in terms of feeling. That sounds paradoxical but I don't think it is; I just can't articulate how they go hand in hand. But my external emotional responses were very dead.

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

I used to do the same thing, to try to trigger my tears. Unfortunately, each stimuli only worked a few times because I got too used to it and it could no longer do the job. :(

Some things to try:
1. Solitary meditation (where you let down all the walls and just "float" and then sift through your memories/feelings and see what pops up).
2. Go into nature alone and just let yourself go (use your Se), and maybe once you get locked into the experience and stop thinking, all the fabricated blocks/thoughts/judgments in your head will disappear momentarily and emotions might well up.
3. Make changes in your life where you finally feel you have power to make and accept responsibility for your choices. We often feel dead if we are letting everyone else "live our life" for us, and thus we're not emotionally invested.
4. Help others -- invest in learning, empathizing with, and embracing their narratives. Feel their pain as you give, and maybe that will trigger something in you.

just ideas off the top of my head

[Uberfuhrer]

Well, I'm aware that these feelings exist, I just can't release them.

And actually, solitary meditation has been what I was trying to do, but it didn't work. I consistently face the sad feelings so that I could perhaps release emotionally. It never works.

I've gone for walks before and that's never helped. I always come back feeling numb and depressed again -- the only thing is, I'm aware the feelings inside of me exist and for the most part, I am unable to ignore them. It's like my feelings want to grow but the external situation tries to prevent that.

[ajblaise]

Well, I'm aware that these feelings exist, I just can't release them.

And actually, solitary meditation has been what I was trying to do, but it didn't work. I consistently face the sad feelings so that I could perhaps release emotionally. It never works.

I've gone for walks before and that's never helped. I always come back feeling numb and depressed again -- the only thing is, I'm aware the feelings inside of me exist and for the most part, I am unable to ignore them. It's like my feelings want to grow but the external situation tries to prevent that.

What are you thinking and/or feeling in regards to when you are unable to release the feelings? What exactly is stopping you?

[Bella]

Look here, I know next to nothing about releasing emotion, but shouting and screaming until your hoarse, came to mind. Maybe if you act like they're coming out, they might start coming out.

[Uberfuhrer]

Look here, I know next to nothing about releasing emotion, but shouting and screaming until your hoarse, came to mind. Maybe if you act like they're coming out, they might start coming out.

I do that, but that just unleashes hot anger. It doesn't release the built-up sadness inside.

[Bella]

Shoot, I don't know....sorry.

[substitute]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

Yes, yes and yes. Especially since my dad died, I still haven't cried though it was over a year ago. I've never been able to release things. It's hard enough to even realize that I have anything to release, and even through meditation and what-not I've still not been able to bring myself to just cry. I know I need to sometimes, but the moment I even start, I just feel stupid, it feels fake and self-indulgent and I just can't let it out.

I guess because I can't do it spontaneously, it has to be done deliberately. And if I do it deliberately then it just feels too contrived and fake. And because authenticity is so important to me, that means it just doesn't happen.

I also find that just shouting and screaming doesn't help me. Like you say, it doesn't get rid of the seething stuff deep down, not at all and if anything only adds to it.

[entropie]

I listen to silly music, when that happens.

Be glad you still "feel" something, there are people that would envy you for that ...

Kuffdam and Plant

[ajblaise]

Uber, I think a good dose of MDMA might do you well. MDMA therapy has had very good results. MDMA has also been called "Empathy".

[entropie]

See example ajblaise or what did you want to say ?

[substitute]

the most cathartic thing for me in handling my deeper emotions is to get involved in work that strikes at the causes of those emotions. So, say for example I feel angry or sad about some redneck neighbours causing trouble, I'd find projects (or if there were none, start one) that work at addressing the causes of social malaises in the lower classes, tackling unemployment, despair, poor self-esteem etc that causes people to behave in those ways.

or if I feel unsupported or alone in dealing with something, I'll find where others are dealing with the same things and find ways to support them so they don't have to feel how I do. often, that way, you get back what you give as well.

If truth be told, at least half the motivation behind my philanthropic/humanitarian work is more about catharsis for my own inner 'choleric' buildups than any noble, empathic sense of chivalry/Christian values etc...

Now, at risk of sounding like the ISTP's in the beating around the bush thread, do you have anything specific in mind that you feel a need to express, a particular feeling with a particular cause? :mellow:

[INTJMom]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.
Yes.

I used to have a friend who would just hold me and make me feel safe, sort of like a mom, and before I knew it, I was releasing all my stress and worries in a flood of tears. It would be great if we could find a human being to help us out with this, but most times we can't.

Sometimes I will sit in private and write down everything I'm worried or stressed about. Eventually, I will come upon the deeply buried feelings that have been waiting to come out. As I'm writing about them, inevitably I will cry. Depending on how private your feelings are, you could blog them if you want feedback.

If they're too private for that, I just pretend I'm writing a letter to God.

Either way, you need to get alone.

[Mighty Mouse]

I have found that this is usually because we are afraid to let it out. We are afraid that once we let it go we will never stop. We are afraid that the intensity will take over and we will not recuperate.

It's more common than you think.

One of the best things to start is to find a place that you feel safe where no one will come in and interrupt or "catch you". When you get there start going through what has been most hurtful and painful... try to experience those FEELINGS before they become thoughts... try to stay with the hurt before it changes to anger or frustration...

It might not be released in the beginning but it may after a while of your sitting with the FEELINGS not the thoughts begin to stir some out...

[Uberfuhrer]

I have found that this is usually because we are afraid to let it out. We are afraid that once we let it go we will never stop. We are afraid that the intensity will take over and we will not recuperate.

It's more common than you think.

One of the best things to start is to find a place that you feel safe where no one will come in and interrupt or "catch you". When you get there start going through what has been most hurtful and painful... try to experience those FEELINGS before they become thoughts... try to stay with the hurt before it changes to anger or frustration...

It might not be released in the beginning but it may after a while of your sitting with the FEELINGS not the thoughts begin to stir some out...

Um, I'm pretty much alone all day.

[Mighty Mouse]

Um, I'm pretty much alone all day.

It's one thing to be alone. It's another to be in a safe place alone.

If you are, then great... Do as the rest of my post says... Sit with the FEELINGS ... not the thoughts... See where it takes you...

[ThatGirl]

Get frusterated.


Funny story, I don't think I ever repress emotions but like someone said, my feelings instantly become thoughts and I am more focused on solution than anything else.

Then one day after a particularly eventfull two years, I am sitting through an employee meeting that got me severly frusterated.

I started crying uncontrollably for three days straight. Not balling crying, there were just tears activley dropping for three days. I was talking and laughing with friends all the time the tears pouring down. It was the craziest thing you wouldld ever have seen. I couldn't miss work for something so stupid, so there I am going through my normal daily duties activley crying. My voice was normal my sense of humor was there everything was the same. My friends were just like OMG freaky and we just had to laugh about it.

It finally subsided after three days and it hasn't happened again. I still don't quite understand what the heck happened there.

Imagine being completely normal going through the day with tears falling at a non stop steady rate for days. It was weird.

[Lymitra]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

Have you ever heard of hyper-intention? In psychology, the terms means that when you strongly wish for something, paradoxically it makes what you wish for impossible. One way to counter this is to stop wanting to release your emotions, and hopefully they will come naturally.

It took me most of my life to figure out how to let my emotions show. Especially negative emotions. I am fortunate enough to have learned music at a young age, so even if I feel suffocated and unable to express myself verbally or physically, I have music to turn to.

Other possible ways:
- Be alone with yourself without directing your thoughts/feelings anywhere. The key to releasing emotions is not actively wanting to release them, I've found.
- Even if you don't play music or write, creating things helps with self-expression. i.e. stream of consciousness writing.

Each person is unique with regards to what they feel and how they choose to express it, so maybe what I said won't do anything, but I hope you find what works for you.

[Viv]

I know that feeling.. when I feel like I need to cry/but can't/don't.

I think it's more likely because we've been so numb to those emotions for such a long time that our body just gets used to it- so the usual response of crying to something emotionally upsetting just isn't there because we've been conditioned to it so many times.

That's just my guess. Although, I do think that crying when we need to (not excessively) is healthy, because it's a form of emotional purging/helps us to get back in our own element. Repressing emotions just further prevents us from being true/raw to ourselves as human beings.

[Anja]

Uberfuhrer, I don't know you well enough to suggest specific tecniques. Here's a thought: Anger can act like the stopper on the bottle of other emotions so sometimes starting with dealing with angry feelings can release what's under them.

And INTJMom's thought about touch seems good, if not feasible for you. Sometimes when people are dealing with a lot of loss or senses of loss a touch of a hand can release the "stuck" feelings. There are people you can access to help you with this if a gentle hand isn't available right now.

I'm not sure I caught how long this has been an issue for you. Or how old you are. Sometimes the beginning of new awareness can cause initial numbness.

It could be the end of a life phase for you and the beginning of a new one, so it doesn't necessarily need to be viewed as a negative thing. I have to say that I'm impressed with your level of self-awareness. And your openness about this. That's a good start.

I'd have to know more about what's going on in your life to be any more helpful than those observations.

[sanveane]

This may not work for you at all. I used to get "stuck" feelings (I like that description, Anja)... I put it down to always being up in my head. Very daydreamy, always thinking about something. It lead to being extremely disconnected from my own body. I could go whole days without eating etc. I felt a little dereal.

Anyway, I read some interesting tips for Enneagram type 5s and type 9s and put into practice the part about staying in touch with your physicality. Hard physical exercise develops your appetites and ability to experience your emotions for some reason. Worked for me.

Enneagram Type 9, Personal Growth (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/9growth.asp)

From that:
- Exercise frequently to become more aware of your body and emotions. (Some Nines run around doing errands and think that they are getting enough exercise.) Regular exercise is a healthy form of self-discipline and will increase your awareness of your feelings and other sensations. Developing body-awareness will help teach you to concentrate and focus your attention in other areas of your life as well. Exercise is also a good way to get in touch with and express some aggressions.

Enneagram Type 5, Personal Growth. (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/5growth.asp)

From that:

- Learn to notice when your thinking and speculating takes you out of the immediacy of your experience. Your mental capacities can be an extraordinary gift, but can also be a trap when you use them to retreat from contact with yourself and others. Stay connected with your physicality.

- You tend to be extremely intense and so high-strung that you find it difficult to relax and unwind. Make an effort to learn to calm down in a healthy way, without drugs or alcohol. Exercising or using biofeedback techniques will help channel some of your tremendous nervous energy. Meditation, jogging, yoga, and dancing are especially helpful for your type.

I found that only pretty "sweaty" types of exercise worked for me though, not yoga.

[karenk]

Get frusterated.


Funny story, I don't think I ever repress emotions but like someone said, my feelings instantly become thoughts and I am more focused on solution than anything else.

Then one day after a particularly eventfull two years, I am sitting through an employee meeting that got me severly frusterated.

I started crying uncontrollably for three days straight. Not balling crying, there were just tears activley dropping for three days. I was talking and laughing with friends all the time the tears pouring down. It was the craziest thing you wouldld ever have seen. I couldn't miss work for something so stupid, so there I am going through my normal daily duties activley crying. My voice was normal my sense of humor was there everything was the same. My friends were just like OMG freaky and we just had to laugh about it.

It finally subsided after three days and it hasn't happened again. I still don't quite understand what the heck happened there.

Imagine being completely normal going through the day with tears falling at a non stop steady rate for days. It was weird.

wait a minute. Is that really a stupid reason to call in sick? I wouldn't have been able to be at work like that. For one I would worry my boss would think I was unstable. Is that a T thing to not call in sick for this? (And yes that's an entertaining story. ha.)

[ThatGirl]

No, I am serious nothing else was out of the norm. It was just active large tears streaming down. I was laughing about it. So was everyone else. They asked me if something was wrong, and I had to laugh, there wasn't anything wrong. It was more of some weird physical reaction.

I can control my emotions and I am not a cryer, this just had a mind of its own.

I am not going to loose money over something so stupid. My bosses know me. They dont think I am unstable as a matter of fact they think I am one of the most optimistic happy go lucky employees they have.

No one has heard of that happening before?

[ygolo]

What do you do about it?

My parents encourage me to do Pranayama (http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Pranayam), and see what gets released.

[01011010]

I'm kind of the opposite of you Uber. The rare times I cry, I don't even know I need to do it before it happens. I take quite awhile afterwards trying to decipher what emotions lead me to have a release in the first place.

As for how to allow yourself to cry, I have no idea. Maybe music might help, anything that makes you feel strong emotions. Good luck.

[Trinity]

Meh I can be the opposite when I'm on my own.

I'd suggest crying won't help it's understanding the emotions you have locked up that's important... write them down, for me that helps me release them *shrug*

[millerm277]

I definitely have this problem. Regardless of it's in public or private, I really am unable to significantly emotionally "release" through displays of emotion....

Even when I felt like it at a funeral, crying or appearing visibly upset wasn't something I could do.

My solution is generally to work through it mentally as best I can, and try to find a way to do some of the activities that help with that. For most things, that just generally involves finding a way to get away from the world as best I can to eliminate distractions to my thoughts.

[ThatGirl]

buy an onion, chop that onion

watch steele magnolias