INTJ Anger

[Metanoia]

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?

[Haphazard]

Hmm.

I'm generally irritated a lot of the time, but it takes a lot for me to actually get angry. When it does happen, it's like a short burst of screaming and not really being able to tell what I'm doing... but I typically regather myself pretty quickly afterwards.

It's just very draining... I try to avoid it. Afterwards I usually feel like I need a nap and just don't want to do anything the rest of the day. It kills productivity. There are better things to do than get mad.

[Gabe]

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?

I was actually annoyed when I found out that my INTJ calc. three teacher still was fine with me, even after I'd given him such a hard time in class. It's so...neutralizing (I really wanted an excuse to be nasty to him, but how can you be nasty to someone who doesn't have a problem with you or doesn't admit it?)

I know how the questionare was phrased, but folks, please don't turn this into another stupid "larger than life NT" thread.

[Athenian200]

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?

Kind of annoying and pathetic, honestly. It just sounded like someone who had no idea what they were talking about, puffing themselves up with attacks on my position, acting as if that made them right.

If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?

Quite curious, and I would dare. I have angered an INTP just to see an example of this reaction, but only after it became clear that they weren't a friend, and at that point I figured, "Heck, why not get rid of them in a way that would give me valuable research material on their stressed reactions, too? Great opportunity, since I know where the fissures in this one are, and don't like them." I wouldn't do it to someone I considered a friend, though. In fact, I'd probably only do it to someone I disliked.

Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?

It depends on what the INTJ is capable of doing to me, and whether I like them enough to be hurt that they're angry with me.

[runvardh]

Chilly with tense undertones; someone close to him was threatened.
I'd rather not have to deal with that sitiuation again, but anger itself I might have a method to help redirect it in a positive direction.
I'd also not like to be the target of that kind of emotion.

[Tallulah]

I had a friend who was a rather odd INTJ, and I don't know if the response was typical at all, but what he did was this. He wouldn't really express his displeasure with his boss, who drove him crazy, and then he'd wait and vent it all out to me. And when he got to the part where he would tell whether he'd say what he wished he'd have said, he'd YELL IT REALLY LOUD, yet in a detached way, which was just weird. Plus, I didn't know how to react, and I'm not the person you need to be directing that toward. I mean, I knew he was just venting, but I got very tired of being the only recipient of the weirdness.

I did see him blow up one or two times, though, and it scared me a bit. I don't know how much self-control he'd have if something really major happened, like if he felt betrayed.

[ceecee]

Hmm.

I'm generally irritated a lot of the time, but it takes a lot for me to actually get angry. When it does happen, it's like a short burst of screaming and not really being able to tell what I'm doing... but I typically regather myself pretty quickly afterwards.

It's just very draining... I try to avoid it. Afterwards I usually feel like I need a nap and just don't want to do anything the rest of the day. It kills productivity. There are better things to do than get mad.

Yes, exactly. I get irritated often. Nothing major. Two times in my life have I been angry in the literal sense. Yes it scared the people I was around at the time. And it's very draining. I went to bed after both episodes. I don't like it, or any kind of huge emotional upheaval. I don't even like hearing yelling. I have a boss that does this once in awhile (yells for a person) and I always think...is it that hard to pick up the phone and call that person's extension?

[Trinity]

Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
Not really, besides teenage outbursts when I was a kid. I tend not to care enough about frustrating situations to get angry.

How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
It's internal, I've never really been blindly angry so dunno, but when I feel frustration I do it silently.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
I generally get over things almost as soon as they happen. I figure most things aren't worth getting mad about.

[Usehername]

I get angry as much as any normal person does.

I usually can override my feelings and still behave with a level head. Sometimes I become cold and caustic because my feelings overwhelm me.

[runvardh]

I get angry as much as any normal person does.

I usually can override my feelings and still behave with a level head. Sometimes I become cold and caustic because my feelings overwhelm me.

Yup, this reminds me of the one situation with my friend.

[01011010]

Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
I'm not sure I've ever been truly angry. I do get irritated from time to time.

How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
I have never known another INTJ to be angry in person. I usually don't show negative emotions.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
N/A

[Eric B]

INTJ descriptions often portray them as perfectionistic, and hard to please, and very hard on themselves and others. Wouldn't that involve a lot of anger?
Then, there are descriptions like this: Frequently Asked Questions | INTJ Central (http://www.intjcentral.com/manual4) which also at some points make them seem like the kind you don't want to mess with. But then someone tells me that is not serious.

This is one type there seems to be a lot of mixed messages on.

[ajblaise]

I think INTJ's are quicker to get irritated and grouchy, but are not more angry than any of the NT's.

[Trinity]

INTJ descriptions often portray them as perfectionistic, and hard to please, and very hard on themselves and others. Wouldn't that involve a lot of anger?
Then, there are descriptions like this: Frequently Asked Questions | INTJ Central (http://www.intjcentral.com/manual4) which also at some points make them seem like the kind you don't want to mess with. But then someone tells me that is not serious.

This is one type there seems to be a lot of mixed messages on.

INTJs are often dripping in sarcasm like that link :D it's basically taking some truths and some stereotypes and amplifying them.

If you wanna use that link though, sarcasm is often our weapon when annoyed;

Q: Is it dangerous to annoy an INTJ?

A: First we will ignore you, then we will launch a volley of extremely witty but esoteric insults that will probably go right over your head, and finally we will just engage the "nod-and-smile" autopilot and go back to ignoring you. Best to leave us alone at this point. If you push us too far we may blow up your head with our telekinetic abilities. So, yes, it can be dangerous to annoy an INTJ.


Perfectionist can be applicable but the big picture is more important than the fine detail, I'm harder on myself than I am others and even then not to the point that I get angry with myself. Frustration is probably more often experienced than outward anger.

[Firelie]

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?


Yes, I've been angered before. Once was due to a guy who was a compulsive liar and was playing mind-games with my best friend (he was her ex), and all of the other times were due to the worst roommate I ever had (just a couple of examples: One time her stupid/annoying boyfriend "accidentally" bleached one of my towels because he decided to use it while dying his hair blonde, another time they were fucking in the next room at 3 am after they'd been up laughing and screaming in the living room till about 1 am ((this was in a very small apartment)) when they knew I had to get up early...I ended up throwing a boot at the wall and screaming at them to stfu)

As for what it was like, it was like every annoyance in the entire world came together to a focus point...kinda like burning ants with a magnifying glass...and I blew up. I don't like being angry. It's tiring and depressing. Sometimes I blow up with the anger, sometimes I get quiet, speak slowly, and use big words. lol

I don't regret any of the instances, though. People get scared when I get angry, which usually ends the anger-causing event.

[runvardh]

As for what it was like, it was like every annoyance in the entire world came together to a focus point...kinda like burning ants with a magnifying glass...and I blew up. I don't like being angry. It's tiring and depressing. Sometimes I blow up with the anger, sometimes I get quiet, speak slowly, and use big words. lol

I don't regret any of the instances, though. People get scared when I get angry, which usually ends the anger-causing event.

This sounds like the way I tend to be when angry; reminds me of one time I imploded on my younger brother. And here I am wondering why I strike the fear of God into some people... :doh:

[Uytuun]

There's anger-irritation that I control and that turns into coldness. This isn't superrare. And then there are uncontrolled outbursts of anger that are exceedingly rare. I'm not generally angry at myself very often, I think.

[Antisocial one]

To tell you the truth I could never understand people who want physical fight , smash things , scream .....

Few day ago I had conversation with one guy.

He: OMG! Did you just said a bad word?

Me: No I didn't.

He: Don't play games with me,you said a bad word!

Me: No I didn't

He: Bahh I don't have time for this.

I truly think that I didn't said a bad word.

The fact that the guy who knowns me for 18 years did that speaks for itself.

[SquirrelTao]

I'm wondering if temper is a genetic trait that is unrelated to type. I'm also thinking that socialization plays heavily into how somebody expresses their anger.

[Provoker]

I am generally very cool and logical. It's when I feel backed into a corner that I respond with aggression that may far exceed the perceived threat. My mom's bf swore at my mom while drunk at a christmas party and (quiet me) stood up and whipped a full water bottle with precision across the room and hit him flush in the face. Then his pride was hurt and he wanted to fight me and some guys stepped in to hold him back and after a short jerry springer episode we finally kicked him out of the house. More recently, a guy was coming on very aggressively with his stick at hockey and I shoved him back and then I looked into his eyes and I thought he was going to go so I threw a combo pre-emptively and dropped him before he could sucker me first. (Incidentally, this was beer league hockey and I'm 23 and this guy was maybe 45ish). But after I tried to make amends with him as we were waiting to get in the dressing room because his ego was hurt and in any event I don't like bringing conflict and animosity into the dressing room. Growing up I used to get in fights all the time. In grade six I figure I got in at least one fight per week. I had a lot of anger growing up. I can remember being in grade two and my jewish teacher whom I had a crush on sent me to the office and, for retribution, I drew a big nazi sign in my notebook and when she came to the office to check up on me I tilted it so she could see it. I think a living organism desires above all to vent its strength. If one has an abundance of anger the best thing is to channel it to a positive outlet. I think my underlying anger has been the source of a lot of my achievements in life. The worst trap an angry INTJ can fall into is one wherein that anger and explosive energy is not directed in the right places. Then it will begin to take over our entire worldview and we'll be negative cynical seeds from which nothing good grows. But to sublimate this energy into some type of aesthetic expression is a corridor to true uniqueness.

[The_Liquid_Laser]

INTJ's may not get truly angry often, but they do get frustrated easily. People may confuse this with anger. (This goes double for ENTJ's.)

[songofcalamity]

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
I don't think I have ever encountered an angry INTJ, but only an extremely frustrated one. Weird, seeing a frutrasted INTJ is weird, because he tears when he is frustrated, which scares me terribly, seeing that I am very soft towards tears.
If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
No. I have briefly seen some parts of the inner workings in his brain, terribly amusing, must i say, but scary if you think of it in another way. Sly. sly. sly. and crossing paths with him means doomday, when he is in a dangerous mood, but when he is in a happy mood, his slyness comes off as amusing.
Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?
Yes

[candylandjoe]

I have a close friend who is INTJ and have never seen him express anything worse than frustration. Thank god that he can find stuff to occasionally laugh at aloud, though, because his laugh is contagious and makes my occasional day.

[DigitalMethod]

Frustrated, sometimes.
Angry, rarely.

I just have to keep my perfectionism under control. Other than that I rarely get angry.

[sanveane]

For non-INTJs:

Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
I used to go out with an INTJ. He only got angry twice. Both times it was unexpected and icy and intense. Once via email. That was brutal. The other time we were out and he received some bad news. I happened to be looking at him with some concern. He was sooo pissed that I was looking at him like that. He said something really cutting and then just watched me squirm... eww. I've never experienced anything like it. We ended up having a huge, weird argument kind of at his insistence. He was funny with me for weeks afterwards. I think he didn't like losing control of himself in that way. I'm not sure that he felt bad though.

If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
No and No

Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?
I can hold my own, but I definitely do not like that kind of anger. I was a little intimidated at first with this person just because I didn't know the depth of it. And I hate fighting if it can be helped.

We're still sort of friends. Though he's still very polite, I'm well aware that he could demolish me and never even look back over his shoulder... makes me uneasy... He has a way about him that is very much do not mess with me. Though also really inoffensive and detached (hard to explain). I haven't brought up those past incidents cos he wouldn't laugh about it... hmm, maybe I should bring them up, hehe. :devil:

[Babylon Candle]

the mature INTJs i know never express anger...they just get frustrated.

the immature ones, explode with Fi. They end up sounding like an angry ESFP...think homer simpson strangling Bart.

[Sinister Scribe]

Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
I tend to be perpetually irritated, but rarely does it progress to full-fledged anger. On occasion I have been known to make use of the silent treatment and there have been one or two times where I have actually lashed out at people, resulting in physical injury of myself or the other party most times it has happened. In this particular situation, said other person had just slighted me one too many times.

How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
I don't know how other INTJs show anger (I only know one IRL and I've only seen him angry a couple of times), but I tend to control my reactions to intense emotions (whatever the emotion may be). When I'm angry, it's like a foul concoction that is simmering, but could explode at any moment if one more thing is added. It is an extremely fine line between the passive-aggressive anger and the point where either I'll find myself pinned on the floor or the person with whom I am angry will.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
Since I tend to be overcritical of people and do not often give second chances, my anger with other people lasts quite a long time. I cannot truly say that I regret becoming angry, but had I the chance to re-do things, I would not have gotten so angry with other people. I have seen it ruin friendships of other people whom I know.

However, frustration is a completely different question. I frequently get frustrated, whether with myself as I am a perfectionist or with other people... or just the situations in which I find myself.

[Metamorphosis]

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
Yes. Many times when I was young. Whenever I'm just annoyed, I'll tend to withdraw in the brooding mode, lol. But whenever I'm genuinely angry, I feel like nothing I'm doing is working and I'm totally out of control (not stupid enough to say, kill someone, though). It's basically ESFP mode. The last time I recall actually getting this angry was a very long time ago, and resulted in me stabbing someone (no major damage done). Now I realize that very few things are worth getting that upset over.

How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

It's like impossible for me to stay angry for more than one day, even if I try to.

[animenagai]

WOW this is interesting stuff. i wonder if you guys truly have never experienced it or just didn't realize it. if you guys really never get angry, i can see this as a great social tool.

[Sinister Scribe]

INTJs have the ability to get angry... I think it just takes more to push us over the edge into reacting than it would for most other types. However, angry INTJs (whether real or fictional) are very scary people to be around. It is a fine line between being frustrated or irritated and being truly angry... but you really don't want to force an NTJ to cross that line. I would think that INTJs would be especially tricky, as we tend to hide our emotions with reasonable success.

[INTJMom]

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
I have just finished reading through this thread, and I am really finding it hard to believe
that there are so many people here who say they have never been angry.
I grew up in an angry home.
Having been exposed to so much anger, I thought that's how everybody was.
I thought that was the normal way to communicate your feelings.
In my early adult years, I was angry practically 24/7!
Any slight provocation would set me into a yelling tirade.
I am a "four"; they are especially fond of showing their feelings.
I can't count the number of times I have made a jerk out of myself in public by blowing up at someone in anger!
I never hit anyone, but I am short and female, so perhaps it's only because I didn't think I would win.
(Though I did bounce a couple of fights when I was a bartender.)

As far as how long it lasted... a yelling spree might last for 5 - 10 minutes depending on the opposition.
They say the chemicals created in your body when you're angry take at least 30 minutes to dissipate.
I have seen this bear out to be true over the years.

I still remember the very first time I ever heard a soft-spoken woman speak.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.
I had never heard such a thing in all my life.
I remember wanting to be like her.
I was about 28 years of age.

I hardly ever express outright anger any more and I hardly ever get angry any more.
I have learned to be patient, to not take life so seriously and to laugh at myself.
When I do express my anger in a loud and demonstrative way, I deeply regret it.
Expressing anger in a violent way doesn't do any good.

There is such anger as righteous indignation which can and should be expressed in constructive ways,
but most expressed anger is destructive.

[Antisocial one]

I can be very awkward socialy because of my lack of anger. That is because social norm says that I should be pissed of, but I am not.
So people feel very uncomfortable in this kind of situations because they don't know what to do and how to act.


It looks to me that people find this trait quite scary.

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

As for what it was like, it was like every annoyance in the entire world came together to a focus point...kinda like burning ants with a magnifying glass...and I blew up. ... Sometimes I blow up with the anger, sometimes I get quiet, speak slowly, and use big words. lol



Thats a good way to describe it for me too. I'm glad it doesn't happen often.

[INTJMom]

Now when I get angry, I turn all my emotions off and hold them inside.
But that's bad because that can cause depression.
So I try to get in touch with my feelings when I am alone.

With my family, I might get defensive and raise my voice.
But I'm trying not to get defensive.
It's very unbecoming.

[sanveane]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.


^Oooh I've seen this, it is something to behold. Hehe, I have a fairly even tempered INTJ friend whose catch phrase is "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like it when I'm angry." (ala David Banner/The Incredible Hulk). It is true! LOL.

[Into It]

One time I got angry too.

[Dwigie]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.
The fact it's so unusual is probably why it's even scarier to them. They must think they screwed up BIG time. I had a brother like that, when I got him angry I'd feel scared for an entire week!:ninja:, never mess with the calm people they're the scariest ones.