View Full Version : Great quotes from Parents/Children
Ildachenth
09-14-2008, 05:27 PM
"Why do you have a lighter in your car?" - Parent
"...I occasionally have to burn things?" - Child
"Here comes my mom. She's nice at times." :dry:
Jeffster
09-14-2008, 05:30 PM
Man, I could fill a book with the great conversations I've had with my son. Here's one from when he was 5:
Me: According to the law, when you turn 18, you're an adult.
Morgan: Oh yeah, and you're past 18...so you're bigger and kinda old.
:laugh:
Lithium
09-14-2008, 05:30 PM
Some nice roll reversal. Re:op
Ildachenth
09-14-2008, 05:57 PM
That's cute, Jeffster ^.^
Dad: Put on your turtle neck, GZA, it's cold!
Me at five years old: Fuck you! Soccer players don't wear turtlenecks!
Family in car: :rofl1:
That actually happened, no joke :D When we got to the soccer game I saw that all the other kids were wearing turtlenecks so I put mine on and enjoyed the rest of the game.
kyuuei
09-14-2008, 07:45 PM
Albeit I don't have kids of my own, I witnessed a funny situation. Kalib, about 6 yrs. old now, was riding with his mother, grandmother with alzheimers setting in, and his aunt and myself.
Kalib: (Making terribly obnoxious noises)
Grandmother: KALIB THATS IT! I don't want you to talk to me for a week!
Kalib: ... Gigi, you'll forget that tomorrow and we'll watch Superman!
I thought the whole thing was hilarious.
Jeffster
09-14-2008, 07:46 PM
Dad: Put on your turtle neck, GZA, it's cold!
Me at five years old: Fuck you! Soccer players don't wear turtlenecks!
Family in car: :rofl1:
:huh: You said "Fuck you!" at five years old? I'm not even sure I'd heard that phrase when I was 5, but if I had said it to my dad, I would definitely not have been playing a soccer game anytime soon after, I would be nursing sore body parts.
kyuuei
09-14-2008, 07:49 PM
:huh: You said "Fuck you!" at five years old? I'm not even sure I'd heard that phrase when I was 5, but if I had said it to my dad, I would definitely not have been playing a soccer game anytime soon after, I would be nursing sore body parts.
I had no idea about "fuck" as a young child, but I loved rhyming words and making up words that rhyme. I still remember this because I felt so ashamed and awkward and I had NO idea why, it was late at night we were driving and I was saying rhymes and I go "Mom! Bucket! Fucket!" and my dad reaches around and smacks the side of my leg nearest to my bum and said "Don't you EVER say that again!" very angry! I started crying because I didn't understand why at all he was angry, but the sudden change in mood in the car and my confusion and shame made for a memory I still carry to this day.
:huh: You said "Fuck you!" at five years old? I'm not even sure I'd heard that phrase when I was 5, but if I had said it to my dad, I would definitely not have been playing a soccer game anytime soon after, I would be nursing sore body parts.
It was something like that. I definitely yelled obscenities of some kind when I was five, and one of them was definitely the f word. My parents thought it was kind of funny because they had no idea where I would had heard that, and then when we got there I so quickly changed my mind and put on the turtleneck that they just sort of said "whatever". I'm sure they probably had a nice chat with me after the game about my language, but whenever we are reminiscing and that comes up we all have a really great laugh. I don't actually remember it, but my parents remember it quite well.
And in the end I've turned out to be quite the opposite of the foul mouthed, parent hating teen you would have expected from my young self on that cool afternoon on the way to soccer.
Kyuuei, Kalib sounds hilarious!
Kids upstairs fooling around before bedtime.. Yelled down to me:
"Mom! Come up here and scare us. We can't get scared by ourselves."
(And I did! And they were. One of those things you wish you could take back.)
__________________________________________________ ___
Son entertaining himself talking to the boogey-man.
Mom: What does he look like?
Son: He gots light, kinda gravel eyes and he gots yucky shoes and he's covered all over with bones. And mud all over him.
And he gots yucky pants.
The day after a little talk about the differences between men and women my daughter entertained a very large group of people waiting in lines at a bank by shouting out, "My mommy's got a penis!"
Guess where everybody stared at me!
It started the night before when I inadvertently answered her question with TMI. She was asking me why spaniels have spaniels and poodles have poodles and I launched my first awkward attempt at "the talk."
When I finished she looked pensive for a moment and then said, "Wow. I'm sure not going to tell that at "Show and Tell" tomorrow!"
Usehername
09-14-2008, 08:11 PM
My youngest sister was about 4 at the time; we were at the cottage and my dad told her to bring him the fly swatter to he could, clearly, swat the flies in the cottage.
She took a few minutes, and my dad patiently kept an eye on the flies as he waited. Finally coming back, walking very carefully and with great concentration, she held a small dish filled to the brim with water, a little spilling over the sides.
My dad stared at her (:huh:), and asked her what she was doing.
"Daddy, you asked me to bring the flies water, remember?"
kyuuei
09-14-2008, 08:21 PM
Kyuuei, Kalib sounds hilarious!
He is definitely an E. When he was 3 or 4, (we're close friends with the mom and aunt) we were all at wal-mart buying supplies for school and he was in the shopping cart. He's looking around and see's a small girl going the opposite way in a stroller down the aisle and leans over and yells out "Haay Baaby!".
The mother goes "Kalib you can't talk to ladies like that!" and he looked at her all frustrated and said "She's a baby not a lady so I can!" and we were on the floor laughing by then. I vaguely remember telling the mother he'll outsmart us all when he gets older.. Those are the only two stories that come to mind though!
The day after a little talk about the differences between men and women my daughter entertained a very large group of people waiting in lines at a bank by shouting out, "My mommy's got a penis!"
Guess where everybody stared at me!
It started the night before when I inadvertently answered her question with TMI. She was asking me why spaniels have spaniels and poodles have poodles and I launched my first awkward attempt at "the talk."
When I finished she looked pensive for a moment and then said, "Wow. I'm sure not going to tell that at "Show and Tell" tomorrow!"
:yim_rolling_on_the_
That's reminding me of the phone commercial!
Father: So we won't get that call about how some beaches are more..naked.. than others.
Son: Awesome! (Mother covering his eyes yelling "no its not!")
Daughter: Why is everybody naked?!
Father: (Nervous laughter!?)
ThatGirl
09-14-2008, 08:24 PM
From my mom:
"Good girls don't get tattoos......... its an identifying mark for the FBI."
We're at Long John's waiting for our order and my extroverted son sees this pretty college aged girl and decides to compliment her outfit: You look so good with your clothes on!
Another time, we're going somewhere on the bus and my son (the same one) had brought along a Toy Story doll. A couple of attractive girls get on the bus and he decides he needs to become acquainted with one of them: Do you want to see my Woody?
EffEmDoubleyou
09-14-2008, 08:41 PM
We're at Long John's waiting for our order and my extroverted son sees this pretty college aged girl and decides to compliment her outfit: You look so good with your clothes on!
Another time, we're going somewhere on the bus and my son (the same one) had brought along a Toy Story doll. A couple of attractive girls get on the bus and he decides he needs to become acquainted with one of them: Do you want to see my Woody?
Hahahahaha!
Firelie
09-14-2008, 08:48 PM
We're at Long John's waiting for our order and my extroverted son sees this pretty college aged girl and decides to compliment her outfit: You look so good with your clothes on!
Another time, we're going somewhere on the bus and my son (the same one) had brought along a Toy Story doll. A couple of attractive girls get on the bus and he decides he needs to become acquainted with one of them: Do you want to see my Woody?
Oh my goodness.
ygolo
09-14-2008, 11:00 PM
By brother is about 10 years younger than me, so I got to see a lot of his growing up phase. One of his bests was when he was playing with Batman action figures we got from McDonalds. The Batman's were fighting each-other, and talking trash to each other (my brother doing both voices).
"Oh yeah, Batman, why do you wear underwear outside your pants?"
kyuuei
09-14-2008, 11:09 PM
By brother is about 10 years younger than me, so I got to see a lot of his growing up phase. One of his bests was when he was playing with Batman action figures we got from McDonalds. The Batman's were fighting each-other, and talking trash to each other (my brother doing both voices).
"Oh yeah, Batman, why do you wear underwear outside your pants?"
<3! I enjoyed reading that ^_^
One of my best childhood friend's cousins, (Kelly), once thought it would be a good idea to fill his parents' gas tank. So he unscrewed the gas cap to the car, grabbed a garden hose, and started to fill the tank. (He was 5'ish). His parents caught him doing this and exclaimed...
Parents: "Kelly, what are you doing?!"
Kelly: "Oh, fuck."
Kelly also had a Woody doll from Toy Story, and my friend and I convinced him to stuff this doll in his underwear and walk up to adults and ask, "Where's my Woody?" He was wearing only his underwear at the time. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I think... cartoon characters anyway. He didn't understand why everyone thought this was funny, but he thought all the attention it got him was great.
Son, digging in mom's nightstand drawer, finds mom's meditation booklet.
What's this mom? Your diarrhea?
__________________________________________________ ______
Daughter had just the day before received a lesson in how dandelions open in the morning and close up at night. She'd been stung by a passing bee near her eye and it had swollen her eye shut in the night.
Came into the bedroom, looked in the mirror and said, with delight, "Oh look mom! My eye closed up in the nght, just like a dandelion!" (ENFP)
Grayscale
09-15-2008, 11:51 PM
when my sister was little, she was grocery shopping with my parents. after picking something up off the shelf, my dad told her to put it back, to which she yelled "dont beat me daddy!"
CzeCze
09-16-2008, 10:13 AM
^^
Ahahahahahaaha.
What was your dad's reaction and the reaction of everyone else around?
AwesomeCakes
09-16-2008, 11:06 AM
When I told my dad I broke up with the ex he said, "Good. I never liked that sorry, cock sucking, son of bitch anyways." xD He swears like a sailor. Gotta love him. This is where I get it from btw. ;)
entropie
09-16-2008, 11:25 AM
A memorable quote from my ISTP dad (after we were forced to end our soccer game, cause an old man called the police): "Let those people be mad at you, dont worry, they wont be for another 100 years" :D
kyuuei
09-16-2008, 06:10 PM
I remember my parents recently having an argument admist each other. My dad was on the phone, and I could hear mother on the other line.
Dad: "I don't feel well babe!"
Mom: "Well if you weren't at the bar all night buying those girls Seviche!" (if you don't know spanish, neither does my mother.) Loud as day in a genuinely mad tone.
Seviche = a mexican soup
Cerveza = Beer
I also remember my sister arguing with my father about the Spurs Vs. Lakers.. and she said "I think the Lakers because Toby Keith won MVP!" And couldn't figure out why we were all dying laughing.
Funny! I love boo-boos in foreign languages.
My mom took dancing lessons and one day her partner was an Hispanic man who didn't speak or understand English well. He had trouble understanding the instructions and would misstep and then say to my mom, "Wrong feets! Wrong feets!"
She said it made her feel angry but that she had just smoothed it over by saying to him "Escusado."
"Mom, do you realize you just called him a toilet bowl?"
__________________________________________________ _________
She really irritated me one Easter when we had all sat down to eat - my husband and I and our two children, and my dad. She turned to me and asked, "Did you remember to wash your hands!"
"Not in front of my kids, Mom."
Now she is senile and sometimes she just cracks me up.
I called her one day to tell her I was having a family birthday party at our house and before I could say much more she said in an angry tone of voice, "Will you get off the phone. I'm trying to call my daughter."
"Okay, Mom." I hang up. The phone rings.
"Anja, I just called you to tell you that we're having a birthday party."
"Okay, Mom. Where and what time?"
"Just a minute. I'll have to call and ask Anja."
"Okay." I hang up. The phone rings.
"Anja, I'm glad I caught you home. What are you doing today?"
Oh. I was just talking to my mom on the phone."
"That's nice. You're so thoughtful. Well, I won't keep you then. I don't have anything. Just called to chat."
"That's alright, Mom. Let's talk for a little while."
Hafta laugh or I'd cry. It's the most wonderful nonsense humor.
Uberfuhrer
09-16-2008, 09:01 PM
-"When I was six, my father said to me..."
-"'Get out.'"
runvardh
09-16-2008, 09:21 PM
friend's 5-year-old son - "My daddy's a bad boy!"
me - *looking at my friend and his girlfriend as they freeze* "Why is that?"
friend's son - "Mommy's always giving him spankns"
kyuuei
09-16-2008, 10:16 PM
My grandmother is slipping due to alzheimers (is that the correct spelling for it? Bah, too lazy to check.) And some of the things that she says I find funny.. much to the dismay of one of my Aunts, but I feel similar. If I didn't find it so funny, I might be heartbroken by it.
I'm reminded of blond moments between my sister and I. I'm a red-head like my dad, and she inherited platinum blond from the generation before my parents.
The best one from her to I:
I picked her up from school one time, and she gets in laughing and laughing.
Me: "Whats so funny?!"
Her: "I just Haaheeheehee! Heard this awesome blond joke!"
Me: >=) "Lay it on me!"
Her: She proceeds to say a stereotypical blond joke.. (A blond finds her boyfriend cheating on her with a red-head. She went and bought a gun and caught them both red-handed, so to speak. So she puts the gun to her head. Her boyfriend yells out "No baby stop! we can work this out!" to which she replies "Shut up! You're next!") and burst into laughter.
Me: I follow suit, thinking it hilarious.
Her: After the laughter dies off she suddenly cuts it off entirely and goes "Heh. But I really don't get it."
...
Best blond moment from me to her:
I decided one day I'd surprise the parents with a cake, and pulled out a box cake. I proceeded to follow the directions, and put the proper ingredients in, being tedious about the measurements. Stirring, whisking away, I realize it looks funny. It just looks not at all like cake batter! Frustrated, I'm just about to give up and cook it anyways, when I ask my sister "Wtf Is WRONG with this cake batter?!" .. She looks at it.. Picks up the box, then giggles and says "You didn't actually open the box and put the mix in." ... I still feel like such a dip.
Upon entering the mini-van after I visited the local Yankee Candles shop:
Son- What's that horrible smell??
Daughter- It's an air freshener.
Son- You mean an air stinkener!!!
booya moon
09-23-2008, 08:54 PM
My brother was very fond of telling jokes when he was little, but sometimes he didn`t get the point of it. Example:
My bro (5 y old) telling a joke: A man comes home from work and he sees his house in flames. He runs into the house shouting to his wife (who was at home apparently): The house is on fire!!! Get out!!! Get out!!! The voice from the closet answers: Save the furniture! Save the furniture!
We are all laughing, my bro asks (confused): I don`t get it. Why is this funny?
My Dad: Who do you think was in the closet?
My bro (after giving it some thought): Why, the wife of course.
More laughter form us. :yim_rolling_on_the_
Ah, sweet innocence...
kyuuei
09-23-2008, 09:20 PM
My bro (after giving it some thought): Why, the wife of course.
More laughter form us. :yim_rolling_on_the_
Ah, sweet innocence...
:doh: Gotta love that innocence! :D
Grayscale
09-23-2008, 11:00 PM
^^
Ahahahahahaaha.
What was your dad's reaction and the reaction of everyone else around?
i dont know, but it's hilarious to me because my dad would be completely incapable of ever doing something like that.
in fact, the most angry ive ever seen him was when my brother and I were sledding, and i decided to grab onto the back of my brother's sled when he was going down a steep hill so we would crash at the bottom. :devil:
he told me i was being a "damn idiot", that's the only time ive ever heard him swear. of course, he apologized for swearing afterwards.
Jeffster
09-24-2008, 01:51 AM
My brother was very fond of telling jokes when he was little, but sometimes he didn`t get the point of it. Example:
My bro (5 y old) telling a joke: A man comes home from work and he sees his house in flames. He runs into the house shouting to his wife (who was at home apparently): The house is on fire!!! Get out!!! Get out!!! The voice from the closet answers: Save the furniture! Save the furniture!
We are all laughing, my bro asks (confused): I don`t get it. Why is this funny?
My Dad: Who do you think was in the closet?
My bro (after giving it some thought): Why, the wife of course.
More laughter form us. :yim_rolling_on_the_
Ah, sweet innocence...
I don't get it either.
booya moon
09-24-2008, 04:14 PM
I don't get it either.
The wife`s lover was in the closet. He didn`t dare come out of it because he was afraid of the husband, but wanted to be saved from the fire - he shouted from inside the closet: Save the furniture!
Got it? :)
Colors
09-24-2008, 04:28 PM
<-- didn't get it either
Ahhh. Sorry, I guess it doesn't translate because where I come from, a "closet" is a built-in cubby in the wall- and wouldn't be furniture- and wouldn't be movable from a burning house. Sometimes it is even a separate tiny-tiny room.
An "armoire" would be furniture in which you could hang clothes.
pockets
09-24-2008, 06:12 PM
context: dad (kindly) offering to buy me a very old 2nd hand car with a manual transmission cheaply.
pockets: i do not have a license to drive a car with a manual transmission, only auto cars for me.
pocket's dad: ...
don't be so inflexible
pocket gasps, then explodes internally.
Mo_(operalover)
09-25-2008, 08:16 PM
(Uttered by my younger brother at 4yrs of age)
He was walking with my cousin in the neighborhood and as they passed by a well-endowed lady, he turned back and, with an impish grin on his face, said "Nice ass".
Jeffster
09-26-2008, 02:33 AM
The wife`s lover was in the closet. He didn`t dare come out of it because he was afraid of the husband, but wanted to be saved from the fire - he shouted from inside the closet: Save the furniture!
Got it? :)
Nope. Why would he care about the furniture? And how does a voice calling from the closet about furniture tell you it's the wife's lover?
sarah
09-26-2008, 03:02 AM
Nope. Why would he care about the furniture? And how does a voice calling from the closet about furniture tell you it's the wife's lover?
Think Narnia books -- The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe... I was thrown for a loop with this one too, because I was thinking of a built-in closet. In Europe, a "closet" is a big piece of furniture. I guess we just assume it was a male voice coming from the closet.... ;)
Sarah
ISFP
kyuuei
09-26-2008, 07:09 AM
Ya'll gotta use your imaginations for a minute for that one.
>.> just like borrowing a rubber here in America would get you an odd stare followed with a "..Dude.. Just keep it, I don't want it back. Gross."
Grayscale
09-26-2008, 08:02 AM
how could he possibly move such a big piece of furniture by himself?
kyuuei
09-26-2008, 08:09 AM
how could he possibly move such a big piece of furniture by himself?
=( the joke's lost to the winds of over-analyzation.
booya moon
09-26-2008, 04:14 PM
:doh: Sorry, I should have said wardrobe not the closet. I am not a native speaker, as you probably have noticed :blush:
I guess USA humor is different than Old world. Or maybe in the States lovers hide from jealous husbands in other places :newwink: A wardrobe is a stereotypical secret-lover hiding place (at least in Europe).
Jeffster
09-26-2008, 11:35 PM
:doh: Sorry, I should have said wardrobe not the closet. I am not a native speaker, as you probably have noticed :blush:
I guess USA humor is different than Old world. Or maybe in the States lovers hide from jealous husbands in other places :newwink: A wardrobe is a stereotypical secret-lover hiding place (at least in Europe).
It's okay, you didn't write the joke, right? Because, honestly it fails miserably due to lack of details/context.
kyuuei
09-26-2008, 11:39 PM
It's okay, you didn't write the joke, right? Because, honestly it fails miserably due to lack of details/context.
She wrote the joke fine, you just fail at grasping the concept.
It IS common knowledge that the wardrobe is the secret lover's closet to hide in. I'm not keen on terminology, but I could gather the facts enough to know they didn't mean the closet you put your coats in at the front door.
Irritation aside.
My youngest sister when I was raising her, would always laugh everytime she farted and run over to me and say "Sissy! .. I burp in my butt." followed by her tumbling over laughing. I thought the whole thing was annoyingly adorable and couldn't help but laugh with her.
Jeffster
09-27-2008, 05:01 AM
She wrote the joke fine, you just fail at grasping the concept.
It IS common knowledge that the wardrobe is the secret lover's closet to hide in. I'm not keen on terminology, but I could gather the facts enough to know they didn't mean the closet you put your coats in at the front door.
I guess I was absent the day they taught Secret Lover Hiding Places.
And I burp in my butt.
kyuuei
09-27-2008, 05:08 AM
XD! Still funny.
Usehername
09-27-2008, 05:10 AM
I guess I was absent the day they taught Secret Lover Hiding Places.
And I burp in my butt.
I LOVE that we finally lured an xSxP to hang with us nerds. :wubbie:
Jeffster
09-27-2008, 05:25 AM
I LOVE that we finally lured an xSxP to hang with us nerds. :wubbie:
So, now's when we make out, right? :cheese:
Usehername
09-27-2008, 05:31 AM
So, now's when we make out, right? :cheese:
:doh:
fleurdujour
12-11-2008, 06:52 PM
My husband was walking around with clingy athletic shorts on (not bike shorts, the mesh looser kind--like basketball shorts). My two-year-old son looked at him and then quickly pointed to his crotch and said, "Daddy, you got a poopty!" My husband (looking confused), "No, Collin, I don't think I have to take a poop right now?" My son (pointing adamantly), "no, right derr, in you pants!" At that point we realized he was talking about my husband's man-bulge and was convinced that he had full diaper butt in reverse (anyone that has kids or knows any kids well enough to have seen their butts when their diaper is full--a lot fluffier lol)
LOL @ the N joke falling on deaf ears on the S's. I didn't get it either. But, honestly, if someone said that irl, I'd laugh to be polite and not say I didn't get it unless they noticed.
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