Are xNFJ's really as nice/caring as they appear?

[Angry Ayrab]

This is a serious thread.

I know a few ENFJ's and maybe one or two INFJ's and these people are seriously too nice to be true. They really do go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy. Are they really as nice inside as they are outside? This is a serious inquiry. Also, what is your reasoning from a practical or theoretical perspective?

And to all the xNFJ's don't be shy, whats your perspective.

[Haight]

INFJs are evil. Ask edcoaching, she'll tell you all about it.

[Angry Ayrab]

INFJs are evil. Ask edcoaching, she'll tell you all about it.

Let's here it from you. or call her to drop by.

[Usehername]

I'm pretty sure they're trapped between being genuinely sincerely caring and being that necessary-for-survival amount of self-absorbed and selfish. And the fact that they're soo good interpersonally makes for it to seem that they care more about random people than they do, and sometimes that makes them feel guilty.

/speaking for other people.

[PinkPiranha]

I'm pretty sure they're trapped between being genuinely sincerely caring and being that necessary-for-survival amount of self-absorbed and selfish. And the fact that they're soo good interpersonally makes for it to seem that they care more about random people than they do, and sometimes that makes them feel guilty.

/speaking for other people.

That's not a half bad description at all.

I'm an equal mix of wanting to save people and throw myself on the sword sacrificially, and REALLY not wanting to care about another person as long as I live. I usually get that way when I'm exhausted. I don't get a choice about whether I care or not about people, which frequently makes me feel hijacked, and thus, surly and hard to manage. My ENFP twin, to me, by far, is the more truly "nice" person of the pair, and I try to under-react to things like she does.

But, having said that, yes, there's an inner Napoleon that's always pushing to get loose. I laugh when I watch "the Fifth Element" because that wacky zany Zorg guy! What a kidder! hahaha, no really. Very enfj. Dood. Not flattering.

[Silently Honest]

No one is as caring as I 'appear'.

[PinkPiranha]

No one is as caring as I 'appear'.

This is true. You do appear a lot. It's kind of uncanny. :D

[Usehername]

This is true. You do appear a lot. It's kind of uncanny. :D

I want SH's magic appearing skills. I want everyone's skills. :pout:

(and on that note, we need a :pout: smilie)

[nolla]

I'm pretty sure they're trapped between being genuinely sincerely caring and being that necessary-for-survival amount of self-absorbed and selfish. And the fact that they're soo good interpersonally makes for it to seem that they care more about random people than they do, and sometimes that makes them feel guilty.

/speaking for other people.

This is well said. The only INFJ I know is my mom. She is super friendly and caring for others and has like a thousand friends, but wished she could get away to Lapland or some deserted island to not have to deal with their troubles. I tell her to shut off the phone (or ignore it) and the people will disappear, but for some reason she doesn't. I guess the INFJs need a lot of people around them and are exhausted by them.

[Sunshine]

This is a serious thread.

I know a few ENFJ's and maybe one or two INFJ's and these people are seriously too nice to be true. They really do go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy. Are they really as nice inside as they are outside? This is a serious inquiry. Also, what is your reasoning from a practical or theoretical perspective?

And to all the xNFJ's don't be shy, whats your perspective.

Yeah. I'm sure a lot are. My INFJ mom is amazing in that regard.

I do know one ENFJ that was totally fake though. Underneath her niceness she was really uncaring and manipulative. I know an other ENFJ who wasn't fake like that though.

[cafe]

I want to be as caring as I appear, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or frustrated. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be more selective about whom I help and with what, but I'll probably always have a compulsion to try to please and help people.

[Usehername]

I want to be as caring as I appear, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or frustrated. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be more selective about whom I help and with what, but I'll probably always have a compulsion to try to please and help people.

4 444 posts! Wow!

[DigitalMethod]

4 444 posts! Wow!

Hey, you're almost at 1337!

Zing!

[Viv]

This is a serious thread.

I know a few ENFJ's and maybe one or two INFJ's and these people are seriously too nice to be true. They really do go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy. Are they really as nice inside as they are outside? This is a serious inquiry. Also, what is your reasoning from a practical or theoretical perspective?

And to all the xNFJ's don't be shy, whats your perspective. I think it depends on the XNFJ.. I have similar traits where I make sure that the people I'm with feel comfortable/are treated well. It's just how I am/especially how I was brought up.

Generally speaking, the ENFJs that I met are TRULY warm-hearted/genuinely sincere. There are some cases in which they can be cautious and not be as warm/sincere, but that also depends on what their perception of the 'other' party is like, how (un)guarded they are. I think most people have apprehension when they first meet someone.

With INFJs I know in real life, they don't go out of their way to make others happy. In fact, they're really quiet, reserved and rather not go out of their way- it just depends on how close they feel to the other person..

All in all, most XNFJs I know are sincerely 'well-intentioned,' one may be a bit more narcissistic than the others (mainly due to upbringing, but that person has a soft-spot as well)..

From a practical/theoretical perspective? I think that being oneself where we don't hold back, but understand boundaries/limits allows for a healthy self-esteem. If one cannot open up/communicate well, it's counterproductive to living. We're social creatures, so it would be really unhealthy for someone who's naturally warm/friendly to deny themselves from who they truly are, at heart..

[mlittrell]

I'm pretty sure they're trapped between being genuinely sincerely caring and being that necessary-for-survival amount of self-absorbed and selfish. And the fact that they're soo good interpersonally makes for it to seem that they care more about random people than they do, and sometimes that makes them feel guilty.

/speaking for other people.


good call.

[mlittrell]

Hey, you're almost at 1337!

Zing!

I clocked 87 yesterday lol. It was my first day on.

[Penguin]

i love to help, but i help selectively, i want to HELP not to do the work for them.
this also has to do with the fact that i simply do not have any sort of motivation to do something, if i am the only beneficiary, unless its something i desperately need, or something that i need to help others more.

also, don't think that the help you are receiving is left unpayed, help is social currency, it creates the quid pro quo(or how u spell the last word :D ) effect, and works like a guarantee that one day i too will receive you're help in case of need
the word that springs up in the mind of most is manipulation, but manipulation differs from perspective, it can be good or bad :)

i hope this wont cause most readers here to jump of the walls or something, its just an explanation of how i feel about Helping