How do SJs experience crushes?

[Usehername]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

[girlnamedbless]

-When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?
When I first have a crush, I'll have an idea in my head as to how he is. When I start to talk to him, and find out that either he was nothing like I had imagined, or that we have zero chemistry, that crush quickly fades. When I realize something won't work out, I automatically get over him. On the other hand, if nothing like that happens, I'll still like him until he gives me a reason not to.

-Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?
I see faults, but faults are what makes a person. I wouldn't stop liking somebody because of their faults, the best part about a relationship is loving people for their faults.

-How much does this crush influence your decisions?
Not much at all. I can still have a crush and make my own decisions.

[Shimpei]

When I realize something won't work out, I automatically get over him.

1. Same here! I try to rationalize or play down my emotions in case the reason doesn't support them.

2. I can't idealize people. When I try to figure out someone, I tend to notice even the slightest negative trait. Then I put up a "balance sheet" and consider if the relationship is worth taking or not.

3. Crushes rarely influence my decisions. I want to stay down-to-earth when it comes to important decisions.

[toonia]

1. Same here! I try to rationalize or play down my emotions in case the reason doesn't support them.

2. I can't idealize people. When I try to figure out someone, I tend to notice even the slightest negative trait. Then I put up a "balance sheet" and consider if the relationship is worth taking or not.

3. Crushes rarely influence my decisions. I want to stay down-to-earth when it comes to important decisions.toonia's admiration of Shimpei goes through the roof. :wubbie:

[Jennifer]

toonia's admiration of Shimpei goes through the roof. :wubbie:

my admiration was already there. :) She's very sane and level-headed.

[girlnamedbless]

I just realized somethings about the crushes I have.
I can have a crush on about three different people at once, depending on where I am.
"Out of sight, out of mind." This is very true for me.
I get crushes on boys really, really easily. All it takes is a sweet smile and a good conversationalist. But they die as quickly as they come. Usually, I just lose interest or realize that the boy isn't who I thought he was.

[Sona]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Depends, once I had a crush or I was in love for good 4 - 5 years. I wanted to marry.


Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

Don't care about the faults. The girl I had a crush on had a speech impediment, my cousin sisters used to say to me what the hell do I see in her.

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

Alot, I wanted to marry her.

But I've only felt once like that for a girl.

[Caffiend]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
Wouldn't F vs T play a bigger role in this?

[FDG]

1. Same here! I try to rationalize or play down my emotions in case the reason doesn't support them.

2. I can't idealize people. When I try to figure out someone, I tend to notice even the slightest negative trait. Then I put up a "balance sheet" and consider if the relationship is worth taking or not.

3. Crushes rarely influence my decisions. I want to stay down-to-earth when it comes to important decisions.

Yuck, what a way to pass over your entire life without living it.

What's the point of emphasizing the negative? People are good. Going out with them is good. Being prudent is useless because you'll see all the opportunities pass by.

[Shimpei]

Yuck, what a way to pass over your entire life without living it.

What's the point of emphasizing the negative? People are good. Going out with them is good. Being prudent is useless because you'll see all the opportunities pass by.

I didn't say I wouldn't go out with them. I just stated that entering a serious relationship needs much consideration.

[FDG]

Ok, that's more reasonable.

[Recoleta]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

My crushes usually last for a long time...sometimes for years. Generally, I don't bother liking someone unless I see them as someone I would be realistically compatible with for long periods of time. The thing with crushes is, I'm usually too scared to do anything about it. It seems I'm always waiting for the guy to take the initiative and ask me out...because, well, he is the guy (yeah, I'm a little old-fashioned). Emotional vulnerability is not something I am good with, so it's pretty unlikely I'd make the first move. Even if I have strong feelings I usually play them down IRL.

I don't idealize people...I tend to see them for who they are, and when they do have faults/idiosyncracies I might actually see it as something attractive because it means they are being real with me as opposed to putting up a front.

My crushes can influence my decisions quite a bit depending on how important they are. They are likely to have some influence on day-to-day decisions, but my big decisions (ex) (like where I live/go to school) are ultimately my own.



Actually, this poses a question that maybe a few of you INTJ's can answer. I have known a certain INTJ for roughly 5 years. We used to work together, and have since ended up attending the same university. Over the past couple of years or so we have gotten closer, and he is one of my best friends. I have liked him for a long time, but I'm not sure that I should express this to him because I don't know if he thinks of me as just a friend or something more. It's strange though, because we go out by ourselves pretty much on a weekly basis, and he'll often offer to pay for my meal etc. We're comfortable with talking and being around each other, but it is always slightly awkward because I can't read what he is thinking. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Economica]

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Try the innocent physicality test: Touch him in various ways, stand just a little too close; then observe his reaction. Does he pull away or allow it? If he's consistently okay with you touching him and being in his space, then he probably wouldn't mind getting even closer.

Poking him when he teases you is an especially good maneuver; if he ups the ante and teases you even more, then you can pretty much have your way with him then and there. :yes: :woot: :whistling:

[FDG]

You're ISTJ, maybe you don't know it but you make most males horny just by sitting on a chair. Wait for them to approach you.

[Economica]

You're ISTJ, maybe you don't know it but you make most males horny just by sitting on a chair. Wait for them to approach you.

Right. No single man has ever refrained from making a move on a single female friend he was interested in. Fear of rejection is unknown to the male psyche. :rolli:

[runvardh]

Right. No single man has ever refrained from making a move on a single female friend he was interested in. Fear of rejection is unknown to the male psyche. :rolli:

Yeah, it only takes me 3 years of being friends with a girl to even hope to try and make a move.

[FDG]

Right. No single man has ever refrained from making a move on a single female friend he was interested in. Fear of rejection is unknown to the male psyche. :rolli:

Depends on how much time, really. 5 years?

[Economica]

Depends on how much time, really. 5 years?

It's not improbable enough that advising her not to try, say, my proposed tactic :whistling: ;) is sound.

[FDG]

It's not improbable enough that advising her not to try, say, my proposed tactic :whistling: ;) is sound.

Ok yes you're right, just my perispective of 99 percent E on tests gives me a certain blindness towards the other end of the spectrum.

[Economica]

Ok yes you're right, just my perispective of 99 percent E on tests gives me a certain blindness towards the other end of the spectrum.

:party2: ;)

[Recoleta]

Try the innocent physicality test: Touch him in various ways, stand just a little too close; then observe his reaction. Does he pull away or allow it? If he's consistently okay with you touching him and being in his space, then he probably wouldn't mind getting even closer.

Poking him when he teases you is an especially good maneuver; if he ups the ante and teases you even more, then you can pretty much have your way with him then and there. :yes: :woot: :whistling:

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I have tried getting in his space a little bit, and he doesn't seem to mind. Although, he has told me before in general conversation that he hates it when people (especially strangers) touch him. I understand because I'm the same way really...my friends have even so kindly given me the nickname of "touch-a-phobe," even though I really don't mind being touched by people so long as I know them. Lol...let me just say that when he finally gave me a 2-armed hug it was a real breakthrough. Anyway, thanks for the advice ya'll, and feel free to keep giving more advice. Hmm I suppose if I wanted more INTJ's to read this perhaps I should have put the question on the NT section...

[FDG]

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I have tried getting in his space a little bit, and he doesn't seem to mind. Although, he has told me before in general conversation that he hates it when people (especially strangers) touch him. I understand because I'm the same way really...my friends have even so kindly given me the nickname of "touch-a-phobe," even though I really don't mind being touched by people so long as I know them. Lol...let me just say that when he finally gave me a 2-armed hug it was a real breakthrough. Anyway, thanks for the advice ya'll, and feel free to keep giving more advice. Hmm I suppose if I wanted more INTJ's to read this perhaps I should have put the question on the NT section...

Touch his balls!

[Economica]

Touch his balls!

You've done a real turnaround, haven't you? :rolleyes:

[ptgatsby]

You've done a real turnaround, haven't you? :rolleyes:

I swear, I read this three times before I realised you used turnaround rather than something else. :huh:

[FDG]

You've done a real turnaround, haven't you? :rolleyes:

It's your fault!:cry:

[Economica]

It's your fault!:cry:

:happy:

[GirlAmerica]

It seems to me ISTJ's are very similar to me in that they are monogamous in their feelings toward an individual.
And, once attached, it is very hard to change or break away from how I feel.

[JediM05]

For me, it depends on how "severe" the crush is. If it is just a "mild" crush, I can forget about it real easily if either a) I realize it wouldn't work out or 2) I get to know her better and my feelings change about her. These "crushes" usually turn out to be just good friendships. However, in a "serious" crush, such as one that could have/should have resulted in a relationship, it can take a very long time to let go.