View Full Version : Has anyone felt the nesting instinct?
ygolo
08-29-2008, 08:46 AM
Or otherwise "heard their biological clock ticking."
I suppose, the notion is applied more stereotypically to women.
But I am curious, what does it feel like?
What are your thoughts about settling down, and having children during this phase of your life?
How strong are the feelings?
How do you deal with the emotional/spiritual issues/crisis that come up?
sassafrassquatch
08-29-2008, 09:02 AM
I don't think I'll ever change my mind about not wanting kids but I intend to launch a preemptive strike on my biological clock by getting myself fixed ASAP.
SNAFU
FUBAR
MAGGOTS!
murkrow
08-29-2008, 09:36 AM
I want to get married NOW!
Tallulah
08-29-2008, 09:39 AM
I have never felt my biological clock ticking, and I'm nearly 36. I could definitely see getting married if I met the right person soon, and I'm open to the idea that meeting the right person miiiiiight make me want to have children with him. But as of right now, no real desire for a family.
colmena
08-29-2008, 10:17 AM
I did when I was 16/17.
It was wonderful.
Jack Flak
08-29-2008, 10:21 AM
Eh, I think it's for the birds. BAM!
colmena
08-29-2008, 10:23 AM
Eww. Right in the eye.
animenagai
08-29-2008, 10:41 AM
i don't know about settling down or feeling my biological clock ticking, but i've had earnings to get married and have kids. kinda weird considering i've been single all my life. :(
ygolo
08-29-2008, 11:24 PM
i don't know about settling down or feeling my biological clock ticking, but i've had earnings to get married and have kids. kinda weird considering i've been single all my life. :(
Well, isn't that the way it usually works?
runvardh
08-29-2008, 11:26 PM
Wow, almost only dudes are posting to this one. How sad is that... :doh:
I would love to fall in love, get married, and have kids. I don't have a set time span of that though.
I knew fairly young that I wanted to get married and have lots of kids, hopefully before I was thirty. Didn't have too much time to get antsy about it, though, since I got married at 21.
Lateralus
08-30-2008, 02:04 AM
I don't know how to describe what it feels like. I don't get the nesting instinct very often, but when I do, it's pretty temporary. All I have to do is visit my sister to be reminded of why I don't want to have kids right now (possibly ever).
As for marriage, it's not really that big of a deal to me. Though, I suppose it holds some symbolic/sentimental value and there are practical advantages (taxes, insurance, etc). I'm much more likely to get married for the practical advantages than any other. I don't think that has much to do with any sort of nesting instinct.
I never really had a chance to feel it. I met the love of my life at 17, we got married when I was 22, and we had a child the following year, which was ahead of schedule. Five years later we had another and I don't remember feeling my clock ticking as we made the decision. We knew we wanted two, and it just seemed like a good time.
I keep waiting for it to start up again, but I am fairly sure we're done now.
Jae Rae
08-30-2008, 02:29 AM
When my son was about two years old, I really wanted to be pregnant and have a second child. We ended up waiting for a year, so I thought and dreamed about it a lot.
That's not the same as the nesting instinct, which takes place later when a woman is already pregnant. She creates a nest for her expected little one by painting the room, making curtains, etc.
When my son was about two years old, I really wanted to be pregnant and have a second child. We ended up waiting for a year, so I thought and dreamed about it a lot.
That's not the same as the nesting instinct, which takes place later when a woman is already pregnant. She creates a nest for her expected little one by painting the room, making curtains, etc.
True, very true. I felt that one big-time.
SillyGoose
08-30-2008, 04:24 AM
When my son was about two years old, I really wanted to be pregnant and have a second child. We ended up waiting for a year, so I thought and dreamed about it a lot.
That's not the same as the nesting instinct, which takes place later when a woman is already pregnant. She creates a nest for her expected little one by painting the room, making curtains, etc.
Yep. I only remember the nesting instinct when I was 8 months pregnant.
Maybe OP means biological clock ticking?
ceecee
08-30-2008, 02:31 PM
When my son was about two years old, I really wanted to be pregnant and have a second child. We ended up waiting for a year, so I thought and dreamed about it a lot.
That's not the same as the nesting instinct, which takes place later when a woman is already pregnant. She creates a nest for her expected little one by painting the room, making curtains, etc.
I remember that nesting. I always heard people say it would increase right before delivery and they weren't kidding. As far as my clock...nope. I had my kids at 22 and 26 and I've never really felt it since.
karenk
08-30-2008, 06:28 PM
No nesting instinct since I was 13. Isn't this instinct lessening among women due to evolution? I mean there's no need to populate the earth.
WobblyStilettos
08-30-2008, 06:42 PM
Being around ickle kiddies makes mine kick in, but as I'm 16 kids wouldn't exactly be convienient right now xD
Jae Rae
08-30-2008, 06:45 PM
No nesting instinct since I was 13. Isn't this instinct lessening among women due to evolution? I mean there's no need to populate the earth.
When you get to be 8 months' pregnant, you'll see...
The OP mentioned the nesting instinct and the biological clock. They're related but different. Some women may not feel the ticking of a biological clock, but probably most pregnant women feel the nesting instinct when they're already expecting their baby. It's normal to create a safe place in which to raise your child. Collecting a layette (or knitting booties) is part of the same urge.
Economica
08-30-2008, 06:52 PM
Or otherwise "heard their biological clock ticking."
I suppose, the notion is applied more stereotypically to women.
But I am curious, what does it feel like?
Wow, ygolo, this is pretty much an OP I was planning to post. I've had several conversations recently with women who talked about experiencing this visceral urge to have kids and it's made me wonder what it feels like. Don't get me wrong, I've had my 'that is one cute toddler' moments, but they've been comparable to my 'that is one cute dress' moments and not to my, uh, more instinctual moments. :whistling:
iluvstellacat
08-30-2008, 06:54 PM
I'm 27, unmarried, and single. I've never really been opposed to the idea of getting married and having kids... I just decided to put my career first in my life. While I'm glad that I've done that, I have increasingly more lately seen couples with kids here and there...couples that seem to be my age or younger... and I have been getting that inkling of maybe I am missing something important right now. I never really think of the long term implications of what having a kid would really mean to my life, but it's just more of a feeling of "i want one!"
I guess that might be the beginning of a tick tock.
Algora J
08-30-2008, 07:19 PM
Or otherwise "heard their biological clock ticking."
I suppose, the notion is applied more stereotypically to women.
But I am curious, what does it feel like?
Not particularly. In fact, there is even an aspect in which one dreads it due to how it changes the woman's body.
However, having a little puppy would be nice. I think having kids later in life is better, simply because then you still have the freedom to do what you want, be a workaholic and not have to shoulder the responsibility for someone else's well-being.
Eileen
08-30-2008, 08:04 PM
I think at about 24/25 I became much more interested in babies than I had ever been. I still don't quite WANT one, but I do want to hurry up and find the love of my life so that we can start talking about it.
I'm very curious about pregnancy, too. I would like to adopt, but I also want to have a kid or two of my own as well because it seems like a potentially amazing physical and spiritual experience.
I don't think I've ever had the nesting instinct as pressingly as I do now that I am a grandma wannabe!
I remember my daughter, who has chosen to not reproduce, going through confusion about this around thirty years of age.
I think at about 24/25 I became much more interested in babies than I had ever been. I still don't quite WANT one, but I do want to hurry up and find the love of my life so that we can start talking about it.
I'm very curious about pregnancy, too. I would like to adopt, but I also want to have a kid or two of my own as well because it seems like a potentially amazing physical and spiritual experience.
It was for me, the actual birth in particular. I've never felt so strong, before or since.
I don't think I've ever had the nesting instinct as pressingly as I do now that I am a grandma wannabe!
I remember my daughter, who has chosen to not reproduce, going through confusion about this around thirty years of age.
Man, I hadn't even thought about this. I hope at least one of my kids decides to have kids.
Firelie
08-30-2008, 08:49 PM
I've become more amenable to the idea of settling down and having children than I was, say, 2 years ago, but I don't think I'm quite near the nesting phase yet (I'm 25). I've decided to give myself 5 more years to think about the idea and see what happens in my life with regards to finding an acceptable man.
karenk
08-30-2008, 09:32 PM
When you get to be 8 months' pregnant, you'll see....
I'm sure I would at that point but I'm not ever going to be pregnant.
Ivy, I'm with you on the feelings of strength and well-being in birthing my first child. It lasted a couple of days. Until I got home with new baby, in fact. Then the hard work began (And lasted a couple of decades!)
And I enjoyed being pregnant so much that I, (probably mistakenly) attributed it to the high-powered vitamins I was prescribed and begged the doctor to keep prescibing them. But in retrospect I think it was all just a natural "high."
The second child was a different story, he failed to turn in my uterus and was birthed face up which was a slow and unpleasant process which caused a degree of reparable physical damage.
I had true and false labor for nearly six weeks and was, in general, miserable. He arrived six weeks after his due date on a very hot July day. First thing that was done after cleaning him off was cutting his fingernails!
So it's a toss-up for everyone on what kind of an experience one will have.
If I had agreed to induced labor I probably could have saved myself some grief. But it seemed unnatural to me and for the doctor's convenience.
That was an entirely new concept to me back in the early seventies. Now I guess it's fairly commonplace. But I think I'd still give careful thought to the possible reasons offered one to induce labor.
I'm not throwing any wet blankets on anyone's dreams of the idea. I think most women have wonderful thoughts about bearing and raising children. It's just that my husband and I never realized what a long-term and difficult task we were accepting at the time.
But, can anyone? Perhaps not.
Edit: And sometimes I think life is easier to handle if we don't know what all lays in store for us. Maybe no one would dare make a choice at all. Circumstances force change and growth. A good thing. Right?
When my children announced that they didn't plan to have children I supported them completely (with a secret and selfish sadness.) If the doubts are considerable it is wise not to think one can overcome all the self-sacrificing and heartache one needs to accept to raise a well-adjusted child.
Are mine? Well adjusted? Ahem. I'd like to think so. We did our best and sought out information for the things that came up that we didn't expect.
But I will admit that during the teen years and much of their twenties I wondered who the heck had parented them!:yes:
The whole key for us was never stop supporting and loving them and BEING THERE for them.
Ach. Glad I'm done. Now they're my companions when they aren't too busy with their own lives. I am very glad I don't need to do it all again, though. Took big bites out of my autonomy and professional advancement to try to do it right.
hiddengem
08-31-2008, 12:03 AM
During my early 20's I was dating someone who didn't want to have children. I was okay with that at the time. Then in my mid-20s I started to realize that children were really important to me and that I wanted to have at least one. I guess you could say it was my biological clock ticking away. He still didn't want children and I realized that not having them was not an option for me anymore.
One of the first things I determined about my husband when we started dating were his thoughts on having children. Luckily for me he wanted children too. But we then waited three more years before we had our first - when I was 29.
The feelings around that clock - I guess it was a desire to participate in the circle of life. To create another being with the person I loved most in the world. To experience the feeling of another life growing inside of me, to nurture her and protect her with my body. Then to experience such unconditional love for someone that was a part of you, that is a very powerful experience. For me it was spiritual.
One of the cool things for me as a parent is that I am making sure that my daughter knows that she can have children if she wants to. But if she doesn't want children then that is okay too.
InaF3157
09-01-2008, 01:27 PM
Not really. I switch between not wanting any and wanting like 6, but it's always an idea, not an instinct. Mostly, I am just really really glad I don't have any.
alicia91
09-01-2008, 04:44 PM
I've always been a bit of a nester - wanting a comfortable, attractive and functional home and when I was pregnant that urge went into overdrive. I made my husband retile the bathroom and all sorts of things. I've never really felt the biological clock but then I had my first at age 28 and went on to have 3 kids in 4 1/2 years.
Sunshine
09-03-2008, 07:19 PM
Being around ickle kiddies makes mine kick in, but as I'm 16 kids wouldn't exactly be convienient right now xD
16???
Is it me or does everyone seem older than they are on internet forums?
lol well everyone except me. I always seem younger than I am. IRL too.
And about the clock. Nah no clock ticking. For a while I convinced myself that I never wanted to get married or have kids but the truth is I do. I really really do. Heh I'm even having recurring dreams about taking care of babies.
InaF3157
09-03-2008, 07:22 PM
:huh: when I dream about being with child, it is *almost* always a nightmare with me wondering how to get rid of it. Scary stuff.
Sunshine
09-03-2008, 07:32 PM
:huh: when I dream about being with child, it is *almost* always a nightmare with me wondering how to get rid of it. Scary stuff.
Oh lol I get those dreams too. The ones where I'm like oh shit I'm pregnant. Those are really scary. I love waking up to be like "YES!!! It was just a dream!" Haha. I want kids but only after I get married.
InaF3157
09-03-2008, 07:42 PM
I know the relief you mean.
The shame in the dream is bad! And for some reason it is usually a younger, less capable version of myself in the situation, though I am not so helpless IRL.
Sunshine
09-03-2008, 07:57 PM
Ygolo, have you felt the nesting instinct? Or the ticking clock or whatever?
Kristiana
09-05-2008, 08:05 AM
I can't have children due to medical problems, but that's completely fine with me :)
pockets
09-24-2008, 05:52 PM
i'm probably the exception, but i sometimes get a inexplicable longing to be palpably pregnant, though not with an actual child. i think there is something indescribable about being able to reach out in front of me and encircle my arms around a bulging uterus.
of course, though, the same result can be temporarily achieved by eating two whole pizzas.
helen
09-25-2008, 12:27 AM
Oh lol I get those dreams too. The ones where I'm like oh shit I'm pregnant. Those are really scary. I love waking up to be like "YES!!! It was just a dream!" Haha. I want kids but only after I get married.
I know the relief you mean.
The shame in the dream is bad! And for some reason it is usually a younger, less capable version of myself in the situation, though I am not so helpless IRL.
I too have had several dreams just as described above. I'm usually relieved when I wake up but sometimes just a little disappointed.
Regarding the OP: I have felt the instinct described, rather strongly at times. I want to get married and have kids.
Bella
09-25-2008, 03:45 PM
Nesting?
Man, yes.
Babies, no.
prplchknz
09-25-2008, 03:48 PM
I probably shouldn't have kids. I don't want kids. but if I did, I shouldn't.
Bella
09-25-2008, 03:52 PM
Why is that?
prplchknz
09-25-2008, 03:53 PM
just shouldn't. I don't do a good job of taking care of myself, so yeah you really want me in charge of another life? I wouldn't.
ajblaise
09-25-2008, 03:55 PM
just shouldn't. I don't do a good job of taking care of myself, so yeah you really want me in charge of another life? I wouldn't.
well there is always room for you to mature in the future.
Bella
09-25-2008, 04:36 PM
uh-huh.
MacGuffin
11-16-2008, 06:59 AM
Literally nesting.
My wife, within a few weeks of finding out she was pregnant, was all hot to trot to replace our bedroom furniture with something new. I was like, WTF???
Orangey
11-16-2008, 07:38 AM
i'm probably the exception, but i sometimes get a inexplicable longing to be palpably pregnant, though not with an actual child. i think there is something indescribable about being able to reach out in front of me and encircle my arms around a bulging uterus.
of course, though, the same result can be temporarily achieved by eating two whole pizzas.
I've thought about it for awhile, and alas, I am unable to comprehend why I would be able to encircle my arms around a bulging uterus after eating two whole pizzas.
ragashree
11-16-2008, 08:09 AM
I've thought about it for awhile, and alas, I am unable to comprehend why I would be able to encircle my arms around a bulging uterus after eating two whole pizzas.
Drat, maybe she should have said "abdomen"...
Orangey
11-16-2008, 08:14 AM
Drat, maybe she should have said "abdomen"...
Yeah, I'm just being obnoxious. Don't mind me.
GinKuusouka
11-16-2008, 08:23 AM
I have the nesting instinct. :shock: Unfortunately, at times I like to try and ignore it. :doh: That doesn't quite work well. lol Hmmm... For me it doesn't look very fruitful since I have not been in a relationship in about six years and I am a dunce when it comes to such things. Whether or not it will happen is up in the air.
What does it feel like? For me it is this overwhelming need to cuddle every baby that I see, especially those who come through my line at work. But me, I don't even get to hold one. :cry: lol More than that, it's this need to be able to show my child the wonders of the world and teach them, guide them, and watch them flourish, knowing that this miracle was a part of me.
In general, I am going to college and trying to get a better education so that I can be more financially stable for when and if I ever have a family of my own. lol I'll see what happens I suppose.
After all these years of bitching about "why does everything think I need to or would want to have kids??!!" I can almost guarantee myself that by 27 or 28, I'll probably be running around trying to still other peoples' children in malls.
Well, not really, but I don't doubt the power of the nesting instinct. I've seen it CHANGE people....
Spartacuss
11-16-2008, 05:14 PM
Kids? I think they're cute but not for me. A few years ago I had ever so slight rumblings of a nesting instinct. Now I think they really are for the birds.
whatever
11-16-2008, 05:28 PM
Not really- I don't particularly want children, though I suppose if I somehow ended up with a guy who really really wanted them AND I happened to adore him I might have A kid (and he'd better be the one to do a lot of the work to raise them! I have no desire to do all of the work on my own at all!)
I feel annoyance when encountering kids in public, and I don't even tend to like the children that friends and family members have. They're so f-ing helpless that it's like having a minature drunk person around all of the time :doh:
I have a dog- and at the moment that's quite enough!
G-Virus
11-16-2008, 05:30 PM
No, but I do enjoy Nestle milk chocolate.
prplchknz
11-16-2008, 05:34 PM
go to the aquarium on a busy day when there's a lot of children. Trust me you won't want kids after that.
just shouldn't. I don't do a good job of taking care of myself, so yeah you really want me in charge of another life? I wouldn't.
At least your honest and mindful if that is indeed the case. Nothing worse than a neglectful, unprepared mother.
Orangey
11-17-2008, 03:30 AM
go to the aquarium on a busy day when there's a lot of children. Trust me you won't want kids after that.
I actually had that exact experience not too long ago. Kids running into your legs, blocking the view, fighting with each other, shrieking loudly down the corridor, etc...
runvardh
11-17-2008, 05:40 AM
go to the aquarium on a busy day when there's a lot of children. Trust me you won't want kids after that.
I find it both cute and annoying at the same time. Then again, most parents I see in public lack the discipline I prefer to maintain. That probably makes me weird though.
prplchknz
11-17-2008, 07:33 AM
I actually had that exact experience not too long ago. Kids running into your legs, blocking the view, fighting with each other, shrieking loudly down the corridor, etc...
I find it both cute and annoying at the same time. Then again, most parents I see in public lack the discipline I prefer to maintain. That probably makes me weird though.
It wasn't so much the kids being loud and screaming for no apparent reason. It was more no one was doing anything about it. The kids I would estimate to be between 5-7. It took so much energy to not go over to the kids and tell them to shut the fuck up. I really wanted to smack their parents. I'm usually ok if I see a parent trying to calm their child down, but if no one's doing anything then I get pissed. And it just killed my enjoyment of the aquarium. If I had done something like run around a museum or aquarium screaming my head off I would have gotten in trouble.
maybe calm isn't the right word, I guess what I mean is at least I don't know. what I mean, but I hate when people scream for stupid reasons. Especially females or children when excited. Something about their voices being high pitch hurts my ears.
runvardh
11-17-2008, 08:26 AM
High pitched scream for no reason gets a smack; unless the wrong person is after them it's not needed. My father used to be able to take three boys to a store, find everything, and keep shit in order - no one else helping him out. To me, the aquarium is where you take them if they'll behave and you're willing to engage them in the displays. If you're going to let them run around and goof off, that's better done at the playground - take them there.
CzeCze
11-17-2008, 08:53 AM
Yes, when I was a baby dyke and sapphic urges got the better of me. BTW, lesbians lust after long term commited relationships and U-hauls. :sick: No thanks.
So after getting over the fact I was out, I'm ALLLLLLLLLL about being free. Besides, I can nest just fine by myself. I am very particular about aesthetics -- decorating a place with a partner just sounds like a fight waiting to happen.
I do want to have kids one day. My maternal urges are pretty strong. When I see babies, I want one! More so than puppies. LOLOLOLOLOL.
cherchair
11-17-2008, 10:40 AM
Never wanted kids till at 34 I married someone who did. Still didn't want them but talked to a lot of friends who were either parents or wanted to be and came to the conclusion I didn't want to miss the experience of parenting. Had my kids at age 36 and 38, but never felt real internal pressure to do so;definitely external loci. Had nesting instinct with the first one when I was about 8 mos pregnant. No time with the second because the first was only 18 mos old and very busy.
Pregnancy and breastfeeding really calmed my bipolar down; can happen but is rare.
Strangely, my current BF started "nesting" shortly after we started our relationship and he's 64. Don't know what that's about, but it's kinda cute, especially because he's an INTJ who's an ex-marine.:huh:
penelope
11-18-2008, 03:14 AM
Here's an interesting story...
I'm a very maternal person, and I really look forward to having children some day, but at the moment, I'm only 22 and have no intention of making that jump within the next few years.
Anyhow, I worked at a daycare center for over a year, and I found that about 8 months into working there, my hips grew and moved me up a pants size! I could only attribute that to working with children... Bizarre, right?
Spartacuss
11-18-2008, 03:22 AM
:horor: *makes a note never to work with kids*
ajblaise
11-18-2008, 03:22 AM
Here's an interesting story...
I'm a very maternal person, and I really look forward to having children some day, but at the moment, I'm only 22 and have no intention of making that jump within the next few years.
Anyhow, I worked at a daycare center for over a year, and I found that about 8 months into working there, my hips grew and moved me up a pants size! I could only attribute that to working with children... Bizarre, right?
hmmm, being in a somewhat maternal position for extended periods of time could cause your body to produce child-bearing hips in preparation for pregnancy. That would be quite odd if that was the connection.
oasispaw
11-18-2008, 03:32 AM
i've wanted marriage and babies for as long as i can remember. as of right now, i have one toddler and no marriage.
but i still want marriage and one more baby.
my son's daycare teacher just had a baby and i poked her fat little arm and i was totally in love.
the jury is still out for my boyfriend and although i completely understand why, it still makes my heart ache a little. i think biology will win though.
penelope
11-18-2008, 03:37 AM
hmmm, being in a somewhat maternal position for extended periods of time could cause your body to produce child-bearing hips in preparation for pregnancy. That would be quite odd if that was the connection.
Haha, that was the only reason I could come up with! I'm a petite person, normally underweight (can't help it), and it's very difficult for me to gain weight.
oasispaw
11-18-2008, 03:40 AM
and as for nesting during pregnancy, i was totally struck! i put together all of my son's furniture by myself when i was about 8 months pregnant and could barely pick myself up off of the floor.
i put up curtains, washed all of his clothes and sheets, organized them by type and size, and had the queen size bed that occupied his room moved to the basement.
i also cleaned like the dickens.
and i painted his room. that was near the beginning when i was convince that he'd be a girl and i painted it this plum color. luckily, it was a pretty dark color so it worked for a boy too.
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