When do ISTPs share their deeper emotions?

[Lauren Ashley]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type :)

[Jeffster]

My little brother will very occasionally open up to me, and we'll have a conversation about that kinda stuff, but it's very rare, I try to treasure those conversations because I feel like I'm connected to him a little more when we do that. But it's probly good that most of our conversations are about funny websites/videos/Jim Rome show/hot babes/The Simpsons. Too much deep talk would just be weird. :)

[millerm277]

Generally, no. It's not ever "typical" behavior for me to be discussing my deeper emotions with other people, that is kept to myself. The exception is when I'm highly stressed, and it's someone I really trust (and know wouldn't mind listening/talking about it), I let a bit out/discuss a bit to "release" some of it. However, in normal day to day life, it isn't something that I'll discuss, nor is it something I will even give an answer to if asked about.

Whether this is normal for ISTPs or not, I'm not sure.

[Lauren Ashley]

But it's probly good that most of our conversations are about funny websites/videos/Jim Rome show/hot babes/The Simpsons. Too much deep talk would just be weird. :)

Even for an F? Men ;)

[Lauren Ashley]

Generally, no. It's not ever "typical" behavior for me to be discussing my deeper emotions with other people, that is kept to myself.

Even with someone you really trust and are close to?

Btw, changed the title from "do" to "when." I didn't want to assume anyone avoided emotions entirely.

[Grayscale]

nevar


go away

i hate you.

[6sticks]

What's a deeper emotion and why do you want to borrow one?

[Kayin]

Depends how close the person is, I usually only share things with loved ones aka people I trust. But thats a rare few. But even when its people like that, I tend to only give half of the information if you know what I mean.

[entropie]

With my istp father, everyone is really clear about his emotions. Though he was, when I was a young boy not so forthcoming with his emotions, I now as an adult know what it was all about. He is Libra by sign and though I do not believe in those signs, his greatest wish is always harmony.

In my opinion, if you want to, you can get an istp to cry on you. But in that moment you maybe notice that you are totally out of line and have overstepped your boundaries. Cause from what I know from my father, he is one of the greatest Dads you can have.

Btw.: He always likes to say that he would have become an investment broker, if he had the chance (which he hadnt) and not a plumber. xD He runs his own plumbing company at the moment now for like 30 years and you can say, we are pretty rich :). But that investment broker thing reminds me of the MBTI and the close connection between istp and istj. Maybe J after all, is in fact something that comes with age.

Oh dear good that will make me entj. Hope I am wrong xD

[Udog]

I have a really good ISTP friend. In the 5 years I've known him, he has talked about his feelings maybe 3 times. Of course, it's a scale. He usually talks about the consequences of the feelings rather directly (aka, what is stressing him), just not the feelings themselves.

[InaF3157]

Suppose they don't have them. :mellow:

[wolfy]

I'd rather not sit down and talk emotions, I might have to explain myself and the last thing I want is to get into a long talk about emotions.Unless I'm drunk :cheers: really drunk :9436:

[Randomnity]

I talk about my emotions only with the right people and more importantly, in the right circumstances. Privacy is a big factor. Time/ability to talk in depth. Generally it has to fit into the conversation somehow, so I'm not just blurting out random stuff. Otherwise, something has to be fairly upsetting for me to bring it up.

I'll also talk about different emotions with different people, of course.

[rhinosaur]

I used to never share deeper emotions, but I've begun to open up a little more now that I'm in my mid-twenties. I can see that sometimes it is beneficial to share what I'm feeling, especially when I think that the other person might care to know, or when I think sharing them might make a positive difference.

[Lauren Ashley]

nevar


go away

i hate you.

:sad:

[Grayscale]

:sad:

you called me "lovely", what do you expect?

[aguanile]

I definitely don't like to talk about my emotions, though I talk about them with people that I feel very close too. I vacillate between "word vomit" (as my friend calls it) and taciturnity. I hate the feeling right after you open up to someone and you don't know how they've perceived what you said.

So, I avoid it. ;)

[Lauren Ashley]

you called me "lovely", what do you expect?

What would you like to be called? :)

[alcea rosea]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type :)

With feelings do you mean emotions?
What do you mean by "let a person in"?

nevar


go away

i hate you.


:laugh:
... -> so ISTP'ish.

["?"]

Myers-Briggs claims that ISTPs are the most prone to keeping very important things to themselves. Naomi Quenck warns that one should not attempt to have Ti dominant types share their feelings while under stress. In fact if you are lucky enough to recognize there may be a problem with them, just allow them to work it out on their own.

It's clear that ISTPs may have a plethora of reasons for not sharing their feelings that can range from being burned when younger for sharing their feelings (Jung describes Ti types as those most susceptible to being taken advantage of in relationships). Ti in general (or Te) has Fi as their opposite depending on whose theory so they have problems with internalizing their feelings. Or they may take their feelings too lightly. Also Ti is highly independent and consider that to be a sign of vulnerability and oh yea did I mention that Myers-Briggs, Keirsey and other theorists say that STPs are the types that are most prone to the belief that talk is cheap and that action speaks louder than words? I would think that both types would prefer to show their feelings by taking some action.

[millerm277]

Even with someone you really trust and are close to?

Except under certain circumstances (Highly stressed, something bad happened, etc.), no.

Btw, changed the title from "do" to "when." I didn't want to assume anyone avoided emotions entirely.

It's not that I'm avoiding them, I just address them internally, and prefer to keep them to myself.

oh yea did I mention that Myers-Briggs, Keirsey and other theorists say that STPs are the types that are most prone to the belief that talk is cheap and that action speaks louder than words?

Yup, I tend to believe that.

[Lithium]

last time i did i heavily regret.

I was alone with an Istp that i've had a huge crush on for ages, and just spilled everything... she did a lot too. we were both wated... despite there being some connection we haven't said a lot to each other since. I won't be doing that again.

[alicia91]

I tend to directly share the consequences of my emotions rather than the emotions themselves but I will sometimes share my real feelings with my husband. I have no idea why I'm like this but part of it might be that I believe that feelings are very temporary and in my case they can quickly change, and I don't want them coming back to haunt me next time I talk to the person I shared them with.

[Lauren Ashley]

last time i did i heavily regret.

I was alone with an Istp that i've had a huge crush on for ages, and just spilled everything... she did a lot too. we were both wated... despite there being some connection we haven't said a lot to each other since. I won't be doing that again.

Why did you regret it? Because you weren't sure how she reacted to it?

[Grayscale]

What would you like to be called? :)

machete.

[rhinosaur]

I tend to directly share the consequences of my emotions rather than the emotions themselves but I will sometimes share my real feelings with my husband. I have no idea why I'm like this but part of it might be that I believe that feelings are very temporary and in my case they can quickly change, and I don't want them coming back to haunt me next time I talk to the person I shared them with.

Yes. Sometimes, if I'm angry or hurt, I will keep my mouth shut, because I realize that the reason I feel the way I do might be immature or irrational, and I might not feel the same way once I think things over.

[yukino2002]

I talk about my emotions only with the right people and more importantly, in the right circumstances. Privacy is a big factor. Time/ability to talk in depth. Generally it has to fit into the conversation somehow, so I'm not just blurting out random stuff. Otherwise, something has to be fairly upsetting for me to bring it up.

I'll also talk about different emotions with different people, of course.

I think I'm very much like you. I actually talk to people about feelings a lot more now that I'm in my mid-twenties. But it's always people that I feel incredibly comfortable with and trust and most of the time, I only care to share one piece of information once or maybe twice.

[lauranna]

Really i would say i very rarely let people in. Almost never. My closest friends are T's which is probably why i like them. I feel comfortable that they won't ask me anything personal.
The only time i have shared emotions is under extreme stress and with a very close friend. And then not entirely. and more to discuss the emotions that i might be feeling and what to do about them rather than the emotion itself.
I broke down once when i was stressed and a close friend said something that just tipped me over the edge. I cried randomly in a very public place. The feeling of letting it out was so scary and alien to me i literally ran away to be alone and pull myself together. I definitely do not feel at all comfortable being so vulnerable as that and not being in control.

[yugyug]

Sometimes, if I'm angry or hurt, I will keep my mouth shut, because I realize that the reason I feel the way I do might be immature or irrational, and I might not feel the same way once I think things over.

This is exactly why I keep my mouth shut in such circumstances, too. I don't recall a time when I regretted that decision.

Really i would say i very rarely let people in. Almost never. My closest friends are T's which is probably why i like them. I feel comfortable that they won't ask me anything personal.

* nods *

Problem is when I actually do want to talk about something that is stirring up emotions for me (and decide the timing & person is right), I'm so unpracticed at it that it comes out all wrong, which aggravates me and makes me just want to clam up/give up. And, if there's even the slightest hint that the listener is burdened, annoyed, or bothered by the small amount of revealing I attempt to do, I stop talking and think twice before I open up to that particular one again. Once I've tried several times (because they are a spouse or family member) and felt I had to pull the emotions back in, it is pretty much a long-term or permanent wall I erect between us. I'll listen to them, but won't open up to them myself again. I just figure I can go off and work it out myself, which I usually choose to do rather than open up anyway.

A good portion of the time, I have a list of topics on which I don't mind opening up about quite so much. When I detect the other person in the relationship feels they need closeness with me and the way to get it is for me to open up to them, I'll choose from that list and "open up." This is also how I subtly test what kind of friend they'll be. If I hear my story on the town gossip chain the next day, I have my answer. All this may sound cruel or cold, but I realize this is what I do and why I do it. It has helped me judge the character of people and not get taken advantage of like I ordinarily might.

[substitute]

Ha, I saw the title and immediately thought of my best buddy ISTP. My instant answer was: when they're drunk :laugh:

[alicia91]

I don't walk around full of 'emotions' so generally there isn't much to share in that department. When I do have a strong emotional reaction and/or something is going on, then I've learned over the years that the best outcome is always when I've mulled it over and come to a conclusion MYSELF. So what good is it to share it?

I can think of a few times when I've needed some advice and I've shared but in half those cases I've regretted it because the person I shared with kept bugging me about it, even though I had listened to their advice and/or support and I was done working it out. I get over things very quickly OR I make the decision to forget about it but some people just want to harp on much later when I'm over it.

Strangely enough, people want to talk to ME with their emotional problems and claim I'm good at making them feel better. I guess that has to do with me being able to calm them down and see things rationally.

[INTJMom]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type :)
When my husband and I were "courting" I remember we went to the ocean and sat on a rock and talk about our past and our feelings and our dreams.

These days, his "feelings" look like anger and complaining.

[ajblaise]

They share their emotions in the 10 minute gap between too drunk and passing out.

[substitute]

They share their emotions in the 10 minute gap between too drunk and passing out.

Ha, my thoughts exactly. And then forget EVERYTHING they said (and you said) next day :laugh:

Seriously people, this is experience talkin' here!

[Colors]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type

I've been mulling over a response to this question for this thread for about a month...

The truth is- I feel that I almost always do (share my emotions). I'm a very transparent person. And yet misunderstandings persist amongst people whom I respect and interact with on a fairly consistent basis that I don't.

My hypothesis is that I'm lacking in some sort of socially-recognized "structure" for how emotions are "shared". As I've grown older, I've sort of learned to usually express through humor, which goes over better than just bluntness- but also sometimes means my friends miss the content over the delivery (sometimes even deliberately).

What is a "deeper" emotion anyway? Is it "deeper" just because it's supposedly shameful?

When don't I share my emotions? a) When I'm unaware of them/ have no idea what they are or mean. b) When I feel insecure. c) When I feel people don't want to know. I'm becoming soft or something. I actually feel bad when I subject people to listening to exactly what I'm thinking/feeling when they're already doing such a good job of ignoring.

[yugyug]

When don't I share my emotions? a) When I'm unaware of them/ have no idea what they are or mean. b) When I feel insecure. c) When I feel people don't want to know. I'm becoming soft or something. I actually feel bad when I subject people to listening to exactly what I'm thinking/feeling when they're already doing such a good job of ignoring.

* Nods *

[Lauren Ashley]

What is a "deeper" emotion anyway? Is it "deeper" just because it's supposedly shameful?

No, it doesn't have to be shameful, in fact it's usually not. An example be just expressing how much you appreciated something, in detail.

[mcgooglian]

I never reveal my deeper feelings. If anyone asks how I feel about something or someone, I won't reveal how I really feel, I'll just reply with something that won't require much explanation or I'll figure out a way to avoid answering it. I'm the same as Alicia, people seem to come to me with their problems. One of my friends even said that I asked the best questions when it came to helping her. I've also been told that people act calmer around me. The main reason why I don't reveal my feelings is because I don't feel comfortable revealing them to people I'm not close to and I tend to avoid getting to close to people. Hell, I don't even reveal my feelings to my own family.

[A Schnitzel]

You seem to be operating on the assumption that ISTPs have deep emotions.

[Colors]

I'm starting to see the value of private forums.

[Lauren Ashley]

You seem to be operating on the assumption that ISTPs have deep emotions.

Right...nevermind then.

[millerm277]

@Lauren Ashley, generally, our emotions are relatively fleeting, which makes expressing them not a useful thing to do. (Ex: I can be angry as hell, two minutes later I'm back to normal, and quite happy I didn't lash out before.)

Also, we are (usually), very private people, which means that it's less likely that we will share "deeper emotions" easily. (Like love, sadness, etc..). That kind of thing, for the most part, is kept inside.

[kendoiwan]

Err... The things I keep inside stay inside unless I find a reason to share. I'm not for saying things for the sake of saying them. :ninja:

[eclare]

This is from awhile back but:
The truth is- I feel that I almost always do (share my emotions). I'm a very transparent person. And yet misunderstandings persist amongst people whom I respect and interact with on a fairly consistent basis that I don't.

This type of thing caused a lot of angst (mostly one-sided) at the beginning of my relationship with my ISTP boyfriend. Our conversations would go like this:

Me (an INFJ): Tell me how you feel!
Him: I just did.
Me: But I mean how you reeeaaally feel.
Him: Seriously, I just did.
Me: But that cannot POSSIBLY be how you really feel.
Him: No it really is.

Then I would get upset and end the conversation. I would come back later and say something like "So I was thinking about our fight earlier..." and he'd respond "What are you talking about? We've never had a fight."

It took me many long months to realize that I had to take him at his word.

[Doppleganger]

I'm sure it's been said 10,000 times already, but I only share my feelings with people I'm really close to. Even then I don't feel that they're important.

[bronte]

This is from awhile back but:


This type of thing caused a lot of angst (mostly one-sided) at the beginning of my relationship with my ISTP boyfriend. Our conversations would go like this:

Me (an INFJ): Tell me how you feel!
Him: I just did.
Me: But I mean how you reeeaaally feel.
Him: Seriously, I just did.
Me: But that cannot POSSIBLY be how you really feel.
Him: No it really is.



:yes::yes::yes::

Ive come to the conclusion that asking my husband how he 'feels' is a complete waste of my breath! He either doesnt 'feel' with the sort of depth I would about something (which is a very mixed blessing anyway) or he doesnt have the words to describe his feelings.

The kids can make him very angry but it lasts for about 5 mins and then he dosnt want to talk about it. Neither does he get passionate about anything - he is mildly enthusiastic about sport, running, the outdoors and beer :huh:

I've come to really appreciate the calm and he makes me laugh - alot. (sometimes unintentionally - he's just brought me a cup of tea in bed, wearing my pink slippers and told me that 'the kitchen is now closed madam')

[eclare]

Yes - the calm and the laughter is what makes the relationship special, although we keep one another intellectually stimulated as well.

One thing that drives me nuts, though, is that he constantly asks what I'm thinking. How do I explain that I am thinking everything and nothing at the same time? My usual response is "I don't know yet. I'll let you know once I've figured it out."

[bronte]

:yes: can go with the intellectual stimulation too - though its different say from the sort of discussions i have a work - he doesnt go in for long discussions but has a sharp insight and a very quick wit :cool:

just thought again about the title of the thread - when do istps share their deeper emotions - perhaps it should be how - I can 'see' when something has moved him or upset him though its rare that he wil verbalise it and he then tends to 'do' something to displace that feeling.

[Colors]

just thought again about the title of the thread - when do istps share their deeper emotions - perhaps it should be how - I can 'see' when something has moved him or upset him though its rare that he wil verbalise it and he then tends to 'do' something to displace that feeling. Well, although I'm not so much with the "replacing" my feelings with things, I can identify with simply not having the words to talk about my emotions. I guess it take practice, just like everything else, but sometimes I get so frustrated that I can finally trust/get someone to listen to my concerns and it's like 'ARGH. WORDS. BLEH.' inside my head.

Words are so tricky and flighty anyway. Actions speak for themselves.