problem at work

[Lithium]

I have a problem with a guy at my work who is difficult. I am his superior and I am seeing him as the root of any issue I am having with work. I know this can not be true entirely because some fault is my own. I'm sitting here actually feeling very depressed about the whole thing.

To some it up this guy undermines me in subtle ways. Any small talk is met with shrugs or very little enthusiasm, when I initiate it. When it is just me and him at work he will initiate conversation sporadically and it will be as if we do actually get on well, as if he does actually like me. When there are other people there he doesn't talk to me. He has his little jokes with everybody else. So everyone else likes this guy and he is quite the hit. While to me he is a little s**t.:cool:

To go back to why the fault is my own is because he is 'winning'. He is socially doing very well. I feel as if the fork in the road that he is, is breaking down any chance I have of building a good life at this job. I know that despite any problems he is giving me I should be able to resolve the situation and for him not to be such a big problem.

I've asked myself why this is. I've had to try to tighten up a few things, but I'm not anal. I get on with everyone else. The answer maybe, that he doesn't think I'm good enough for the job... he might want my job... I don't know. He is playing mind games and no one else can see it, all they see is this positiveness in him and he isn't like that with me so 'clearly' I can't be all that cool. He's the bees knees while I'm becoming mud.

[Didums]

You need to take this stance:

http://www.yanivalfasy.com/SM/profilepics/Cartman.jpg

[Jack Flak]

I think I've been his position at work. You're probably both competitive and resentful of each other, socially and with regard to the job. You probably don't like each other that much, so he's not interested in chit-chat. It's a common scenario, classic personality conflict.

[Lithium]

I agree with both comments.

Re: Cartman

I've gone into this job with the attitude of being a nice guy. It ain't working...

I read somewhere, aim for respect rather than being liked.

If he is winning favor and I am not and turning others against me(?) being in power won't help. As if I may be above him, but really he's the goto guy. He does act like he is in charge, by delegating. He even hired someone! People listen to him. And there is someone above me so I don't have the absolute word on things. Btw he doesn't undermine the guy above me or the owner who he calls. I didn't mention this has all gone on since the guy above me went on holiday leaving me to hold the fort down. It was apparent before but only now become bigger.

[Mort Belfry]

Why this fellow sounds in line for a promotion. Put pride aside, he sounds like he has that get-up-and-go-attitude you office desperately needs. You were right when you said he was doing well socially because I adore him already.

Is he single?

[Lithium]

Why this fellow sounds in line for a promotion. Put pride aside, he sounds like he has that get-up-and-go-attitude you office desperately needs. You were right when you said he was doing well socially because I adore him already.

Is he single?


Haha, exactly! I know that it's making him out to be the rebel with an agenda. The very audacity is making him attractive, and he knows it. More 3 pointers for him.

[YourLocalJesus]

I've been in this situation, on both sides I believe. It's usually ISTJ's and ESTJ's that are my problem in this very situation. Whether it is a new class or a work situation, I need to get in there and do a little mini-blitzkrieg to win the upper hand against them. from age 13-15 I was very impopular because I had a couple of them in my class and I was being a "nice guy", and they totally ran me over. I've promised myself never to get into that same situation ever again if it is avoidable at any cost.
Bottom line: There are certain types of people that do not mesh at all. Competition arises. Everyone that aren't bloody vegetables have these kinds of problems.

If the situation is already that bad, you probably just have to stick in there. I'm guessing he's some kind of extrovert intuitive, just hang in there and show him that you've got some endurance, then maybe he'll quit. Hopefully before you.

[Not_Me]

Being his superior does not mean that he will no longer compete with you. It just mean that you have more power.

He appears ambitious and is undoubtedly after your job. As long as he is playing fair, it's his right. As an "ST" you're probably have a lot more respect for the "chain of command" than the typical "N" person. So his attitude might be unsettling.

I suggest you read a book or two on how to deal with "difficult" people in a work environment.

[lookoutbelow84093]

Yeah sounds like an N to me. A lot of times they have a healthy .i. for authority. As stated aobve I would go for competence and respect (not to be liked). Can still be nice though.