ISTJ + ENFP. doomed?

[animenagai]

i've had a crush on a chick for 3 years and i've been trying to get over her for the longest time. it's getting to a point where i think i can just never completely forget. anyways, she's an ISTJ, i'm an ENFP. are we just too different? she's the hard working, norm-following christian. i'm the ENFP that wants to find pleasure in everything with a love for abstract thinking. did i fall in love with the rare 'let-loose' mode of an ISTJ? did i just fall in love with the concept of love, as NF's do? more to the point, do you guys think these types are really compatible?

[Splittet]

Let's say that match is a long shot, and not likely to be good, but never say never, of course. It's not good by MBTI theory, and what research shows, is that the more similar couples are, the more successful are they. All research indicate "opposites attracts" is a myth.

[helen]

i've had a crush on a chick for 3 years and i've been trying to get over her for the longest time. it's getting to a point where i think i can just never completely forget. anyways, she's an ISTJ, i'm an ENFP. are we just too different? she's the hard working, norm-following christian. i'm the ENFP that wants to find pleasure in everything with a love for abstract thinking. did i fall in love with the rare 'let-loose' mode of an ISTJ? did i just fall in love with the concept of love, as NF's do? more to the point, do you guys think these types are really compatible?

Do you reckon you have similar expectations for relationships and family life? That would make a (positive) difference I should think.

[Uytuun]

Then again, why should long-term and a fixed future be the end point? Why not see what gives, try your best and enjoy the ride?

[OctaviaCaesar]

My parents are ENFP and ISTJ and it's especially difficult for the ENFP parent. The IJ part of the combination mostly took over the family life. Be careful.

[IEE623]

you guys were in a duality relationship. thats why.
Relations of Duality between psychological ("personality") types (http://www.socionics.com/rel/dlt.htm) (note that ISTJ in MBTI is ISTp in socionics)
even Keirsey says ISTJ and ENFP is a good match, doesn't he?

[Beat]

It can work.

[Mondo]

I think the question that needs to be asked is: Why do you have a crush on her?

Is it her personality or is this attraction solely based on physical attractiveness?

If it's mostly the former, I think things could work out.
However, if it's mostly the latter, you should probably look elsewhere.

[Beat]

All research indicate "opposites attracts" is a myth.

I think there's plenty of truth to the idea that opposites attract... Where are you getting your research?

[Splittet]

I think there's plenty of truth to the idea that opposites attract... Where are you getting your research?

Social Psychology (Ninth Edition) by David G. Myers. There is a chapter on attraction. There are 3,5 pages on similarity versus complimentary.

Friends, engaged couples, and spouses are far more likely than randomly paired people to share common attitudes, beliefs, and values. Furthermore, the greater the similarity between husband and wife, the happier they are and the less likely they are to divorce (Byrne, 1971; Caspi & Herbener, 1990).

Are we not also attracted to people who in some ways differ from ourselves, in ways that compliment our own characteristics? Researchers have explored that question by comparing not only friends' and spouses' attitudes and beliefs but also ages, religions, races, smoking behaviors, economic levels, educations, heights, intelligence, and appearance. In all these ways and more, similarity still prevails (Buss, 1985; Kandel, 1978).

[animenagai]

I think the question that needs to be asked is: Why do you have a crush on her?

Is it her personality or is this attraction solely based on physical attractiveness?

If it's mostly the former, I think things could work out.
However, if it's mostly the latter, you should probably look elsewhere.

you know what, i don't know. i think she's hot, there's no doubt about it, but when i first fell for her i saw things in her personality that i liked too. she's smart, hard working and i've seen the fun side to ISTJ's. problem is that my appreciation for her positives may be completely overblown by my dreaming.

[sophiedoph]

i've had a crush on a chick for 3 years and i've been trying to get over her for the longest time. it's getting to a point where i think i can just never completely forget. anyways, she's an ISTJ, i'm an ENFP. are we just too different? she's the hard working, norm-following christian. i'm the ENFP that wants to find pleasure in everything with a love for abstract thinking. did i fall in love with the rare 'let-loose' mode of an ISTJ? did i just fall in love with the concept of love, as NF's do? more to the point, do you guys think these types are really compatible?

Probably. That was the pairing of my parents and let's just say after 25 years and four kids they finally divorced. They stayed married "for the kids" and were miserable. It was (and is) a very, very bitter ordeal.