What's wrong with being an xNTJ, anyway?

[Enyo]

At every job that I've ever had (which has always been or lead to managerial/supervisory positions), my staff complains that I'm cold. I've actually been told that I'm efficient and goal-oriented to a fault.

If anything, more like Tuvok's precision and indifference to feelings with Seven of Nine's drive for perfection.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.

I'm even willing to help you learn to meet my expectations if you don't meet them now. You can't possibly meet them if you don't have the tools to do it.

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.

[murkrow]

They want their mommy.

Most people have been so pampered by the succession of F authority figures they've encountered on their way through parenting and schooling that they've no clue how to value themselves according to the attainment of a decided goal and instead value themselves based on the perceived love of their masters.

The pain in the ass about this is that it might actually make it more efficient for you to rub their little noses whenever possible.

Hopefully you will soon find yourself in a position where you have an easily replaceable or self aware work force.

[runvardh]

You sound like someone I'd prefer to work for as long as I still was given time to eat and my time off doesn't get infringed on with out proper reason.

[Enyo]

You sound like someone I'd prefer to work for as long as I still was given time to eat and my time off doesn't get infringed on with out proper reason.

Heh. Breaks are yours. I try to give everyone the time off that they ask for.

The long and short of it is, I don't care *how* you do your job, as long as the results are what I'm looking for. (And not illegal, immoral, etc.)

And I can take "no" for an answer. (As in, if I ask you to do something, and you don't have the time to do it, then tell me.) But my staff is afraid to tell me no for some reason. I don't understand why when I ask a question, they don't want to give me an honest response.

Instead, they cry to *my* boss, who just undermined my authority by taking that department's side.

[substitute]

From my point of view? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Well, if I wanted to really nitpick, I could probably come up with a few minor irritations and bugbears, but I wouldn't so much say they were indicative of a fault in the xNTJ per se as much as just a clash with certain aspects of me that could just as easily have been the actual fault in question.

In general though, if it were the other way round and bosses had to audition and be interviewed before employees decided to work for them, I'd be giving my prospective bosses MBTI tests and favouritising the xNTJ's.

[MacGuffin]

The long and short of it is, I don't care *how* you do your job, as long as the results are what I'm looking for. (And not illegal, immoral, etc.)
You can be my boss.

Now fuck off, I'm on the internet doing "research"!

[reason]

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.If a member of staff is asked 'what do you not like about your manager?' then they will feel obligated to respond in some manner, even if their complaint is only minor. In other words, even the best manager has some attribute that is weakest, and his/her staff will likely focus on that attribute when talking about their manager. I would not take it too seriously, unless such complaints were putting my job in danger.

[Enyo]

If a member of staff is asked 'what do you not like about your manager?' then they will feel obligated to respond in some manner, even if their complaint is only minor. In other words, even the best manager has some attribute that is weakest, and his/her staff will likely focus on that attribute when talking about their manager. I would not take it too seriously, unless such complaints were putting my job in danger.

Enough danger that I had that department pulled from my direction and given to another sales manager. I had 5 departments that I managed (I'm a sales manager), and now I only have 4.

Granted, they are giving that department to a manager with only 1 department, and that manager was the one who had to audit the department that I lost. My boss said that it should have never been in my department in the first place, especially since I don't even have the authorization to enter part of it.

And he's right. It never should have been my department. But it pisses me off that he removed it from me because of whining, rather than because it was a logical decision.

To me, he has just sent a message to the staff, and that message is "If you think Enyo is mean, cry to me, and I'll fix it so you don't have to listen to her anymore."

My job is a one year contract. I'm covering for someone who is on maternity leave. She is soft and gentle and cares about feelings more than productivity. I'm an NT, so I obviously do not. Once she comes back from mat leave, I'm done and hopefully going on a mat leave of my own.

I don't want to spend the next 11 months with people who need to whine behind my back because they don't have the balls to say it to my face and maybe bring about the changes that they'd like to see.

[reason]

I don't want to spend the next 11 months with people who need to whine behind my back because they don't have the balls to say it to my face and maybe bring about the changes that they'd like to see.Have you considered that another manager might try a different approach, maybe one that works? You might not like the tools that you have to work with, but since they are the tools which you have been given, try to use them for what they are and not how you wish they were. If that is too much for you then I suggest that you either suck it up and stay the course, or look for alternative employment.

The decision to pull the department from you does not strike me as illogical, it makes a good deal of sense. The employees are not slaves and need to be kept happy, or else valuable skills will bleed from the company and perhaps land in the seats of competitors. The company has no special obligation to you, especially when you upset other employees, whether by intent or not.

The irony, of course, is that you are now here to whine to us about those who whine about you: they're too soft and sensitive, whereas you're too hard and cold. I would guess that according to each other's expectations, both are true. An unfortunate situation, though not beyond repair by those big enough to step outside of their comfort zone, and by the sound of things that will have to be you or nobody.

However, given my vastly limited knowledge of your life and specific circumstances, I may be safely ignored. Good luck with whatever course of action your choose.

[runvardh]

LOL, I guess this is atypical of my type, but I always tell my boss what's wrong with what and why it should be done whatever way I figured out. I've had bosses who loved it, bosses who hated it, and bosses who were indifferent. Thankfully I only had one boss who hated it, but he was a lazy ass whom I learned to manipulate to maintain the hours I needed while still having some time to myself.

Actually, that department sounds like the day shift people whos work I used to deal with when I came in for night audit. After knowing what every shift was supposed to do and getting my ass kicked for not getting everything done I started making lists of things that were not done before I got there that should have been. It was a no no to insist that the teeny girls who did the 3 - 11 shift actually do their job instead of chatting all night, but I did it and nearly got fired for it. The manager tried talking the owners into letting him do it, but got reamed out for wanting to fire the best auditor on staff (gotta love retired accountants).

[Jeffster]

Well, it's just, why is it so important to you for me to say that you're right before you release me from your Vulcan death grip?

[Silently Honest]

Well, it's just, why is it so important to you for me to say that you're right before you release me from your Vulcan death grip?

A-fucking-men.

[cascademn]

At every job that I've ever had (which has always been or lead to managerial/supervisory positions), my staff complains that I'm cold. I've actually been told that I'm efficient and goal-oriented to a fault.

If anything, more like Tuvok's precision and indifference to feelings with Seven of Nine's drive for perfection.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.

I'm even willing to help you learn to meet my expectations if you don't meet them now. You can't possibly meet them if you don't have the tools to do it.

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.

I don't think I have many problems with 'coldness' in the workplace - assuming it's not deliberate and coming from a mean-spirited place. Actually I have an INTJ coworker whose coldness and lack of any tactfulness simply amuses me - because I know people shouldn't really take it personally, she just has different goals/priorities than most. She and I actually get along pretty well. :-)

But my ISFJ coworker has the hardest time with her. [and to be honest most people at one time or another has bristled at the INTJ's communication style, and she can rub people the wrong way] The ISFJ takes her comments and approach to work pretty personally, and feels rather belittled by the INTJ.

But this situation proved to be one of the only practical applications of mbti I've found!!! I printed out an INTJ profile (my coworker, for better or worse, fits the stereotype to a T), gave it to my ISFJ coworker, and sat her down and explained to her that the INTJ simply operates in a different mode than she does. That the INTJ doesn't particularly care about the relationship/team dynamics as such, that she's all about efficiency, results, and the work/subject matter itself - and seeing that it is done well - rather than focusing on the teamwork/relationships to get it done. It seemed to help my ISFJ coworker when I told her all of this. (now I don't know if I was completely right in everything I said, but after I told her all of this -- just the two of them having totally different focuses/priorities in the workplace -- she thanked me and said "Now I have something I can work with, and can start trying to look at all of it differently."

[Enyo]

The irony, of course, is that you are now here to whine to us about those who whine about you: they're too soft and sensitive, whereas you're too hard and cold. I would guess that according to each other's expectations, both are true. An unfortunate situation, though not beyond repair by those big enough to step outside of their comfort zone, and by the sound of things that will have to be you or nobody.

Hmm. I had thought that it was an attempt to understand where my approach was flawed, rather than whining.

How to repair it is where I'm at a loss. I can't just have a personality transplant and suddenly become cuddly. I didn't call *them* too soft and sensitive, btw. I was referring to my predecessor.

Fortunately, I don't *have* to find alternate employment. I don't have to have employment, period. I went back to work because I was bored at home. But knowing me, I'll end up sucking it up because I have difficulty with quitting or giving up.

Well, it's just, why is it so important to you for me to say that you're right before you release me from your Vulcan death grip?


Because I'm right, damn it. I'm always right, I've always been right, and I always *will* be right. (And I'm kidding, btw.)

I don't think I have many problems with 'coldness' in the workplace - assuming it's not deliberate and coming from a mean-spirited place. Actually I have an INTJ coworker whose coldness and lack of any tactfulness simply amuses me - because I know people shouldn't really take it personally, she just has different goals/priorities than most. She and I actually get along pretty well. :-)

And there's the rub. Even when they were complaining (in tears, no less) about me, even then they didn't tell my boss that I'm "teh big meanie" or whatever.

It's not that I'm mean, it's just that I don't get it. I suck at feelings. I'm great at measurable action.

[reason]

Hmm. I had thought that it was an attempt to understand where my approach was flawed, rather than whining.When I read your posts I felt as though someone was in the room whining, not just whining, but whining nonetheless. In any case, there is nothing wrong with whining so long as the complaints are well placed and the intention benign, the added emotion just means that you care about the situation and are motivated to do something about it. How motivated is another matter, especially when you can afford not to work.

How to repair it is where I'm at a loss. I can't just have a personality transplant and suddenly become cuddly. I didn't call *them* too soft and sensitive, btw. I was referring to my predecessor.You can't have a personality transplant, and neither can those who you are complaining about, but fortunately nothing so drastic as a transplant is necessary. There are many things which come more "naturally" to us than others, but that does not mean we are incapable of learning them, doing them, or even excelling in them. The alcoholic may struggle against their personality to control an addiction, a philosopher may fight against his inclination to be dogmatic, and a nurse may strive to overcome a harsh bedside manner. There is often virtue and knowledge to be had in resisting our instincts or habits, and indeed civilisation would be far less civil if there were not, so perhaps the dispositions of your personality should not be so important.

Fortunately, I don't *have* to find alternate employment. I don't have to have employment, period. I went back to work because I was bored at home. But knowing me, I'll end up sucking it up because I have difficulty with quitting or giving up.That is a very enviable position to be in. Again, I wish you luck in whatever you eventually decide to do.

[cascademn]

It's not that I'm mean, it's just that I don't get it. I suck at feelings. I'm great at measurable action.

I believe you, and there's nothing 'wrong' with being great at measurable action, and nothing 'wrong' with being xNTJ.

However, if you find the current state at work undesirable, you could try to work on the delivery a bit and cushion how you say things to others - be a bit more diplomatic in how you outline things/direct others, vs. just being blunt. I think anyone can learn to do this, while still maintaining integrity and staying true to yourself, so it doesn't have to be 'fake'.

Of course you don't have to do that either. But I will say that when my INTJ coworker does go the more diplomatic/'mellow' route in delivery (I think my INFP boss has 'trained' her in how to do this :smile:), you can feel the tension dissipating in the room, and people are more apt to respond or go with her plan. So the delivery itself can lead to more efficiency, or less.

[Sunshine]

There's nothing at all wrong with being an xNTJ.

I believe you, and there's nothing 'wrong' with being great at measurable action, and nothing 'wrong' with being xNTJ.

However, if you find the current state at work undesirable, you could try to work on the delivery a bit and cushion how you say things to others - be a bit more diplomatic in how you outline things/direct others, vs. just being blunt. I think anyone can learn to do this, while still maintaining integrity and staying true to yourself, so it doesn't have to be 'fake'.

Of course you don't have to do that either. But I will say that when my INTJ coworker does go the more diplomatic/'mellow' route in delivery (I think my INFP boss has 'trained' her in how to do this :smile:), you can feel the tension dissipating in the room, and people are more apt to respond or go with her plan. So the delivery itself can lead to more efficiency, or less.

That was a good post, Cascademn.

[Trinity]

Being the boss is about people management, if your staff see you as cold and unapproachable and you recognise this is a problem than you need to fix it. Dealing with another NT this way usually fine and appreciated but you should invest in learning the best ways of getting the results you desire out of other types, let’s face it the results are what you care about right.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.
Being blunt and clear is fine, being un-personable causes problems. You cannot treat everyone the same, I wish you could but your staff are individuals, some need more finesse when talking to, being a blunt NT can be intimidating.

And I can take "no" for an answer. (As in, if I ask you to do something, and you don't have the time to do it, then tell me.) But my staff is afraid to tell me no for some reason. I don't understand why when I ask a question, they don't want to give me an honest response.

Instead, they cry to *my* boss, who just undermined my authority by taking that department's side.
You have a real problem there, I'm sure the situation would frustrate you no end, it would me, that should be motivation enough to change, you cannot expect others to.

But it pisses me off that he removed it from me because of whining, rather than because it was a logical decision.
Sounds like you as an NT have expectations that your staff and boss will think and act the same way. Some people make decisions based on feeling, some based on logic, you should learn the skills to appeal to both.

How to repair it is where I'm at a loss. I can't just have a personality transplant and suddenly become cuddly.
Please don’t hug them, that will only scare them more! You need to work on developing trust as that appears to be one of the problems, they need to learn that coming to you with a problem will result in understanding and a solution. Little things can count and increase moral, just try turning your NT down for a bit and seeing things from your staffs perspective.

[Algora J]

At every job that I've ever had (which has always been or lead to managerial/supervisory positions), my staff complains that I'm cold. I've actually been told that I'm efficient and goal-oriented to a fault.

If anything, more like Tuvok's precision and indifference to feelings with Seven of Nine's drive for perfection.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.

I'm even willing to help you learn to meet my expectations if you don't meet them now. You can't possibly meet them if you don't have the tools to do it.

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.

Usually when people say "cold" they mean rude or lacking in social graces.

When I first started projects, people found me too "matter-of-fact" getting straight to business. Usually people appreciate it a lot more if you're interested in them as a person and an individual making a contribution instead of one of the many minions who work there.

I always make an effort to get to know everyone on staff and to remember personal details about them so that when I see them again, I have something to chitchat with them about, even for a few seconds. A little conversation goes a long way, I've found.

Perhaps you should make an effort to get to know your staff and to treat them like people, not lego pieces.

Just a thought :)

[Thursday]

At every job that I've ever had (which has always been or lead to managerial/supervisory positions), my staff complains that I'm cold. I've actually been told that I'm efficient and goal-oriented to a fault.

If anything, more like Tuvok's precision and indifference to feelings with Seven of Nine's drive for perfection.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.

I'm even willing to help you learn to meet my expectations if you don't meet them now. You can't possibly meet them if you don't have the tools to do it.

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.

they are inefficient and insecure
nevermind such idiots

[darkmoon]

Personally I think xNTJs make great bosses. I guess the best position for an xNTJ is to be the owner of a business. That way you can set your goal and employ the sort of people who want to work hard with you to get there. :yes:

But in other cases where you are an employed manager and someone else already hired the staff the best thing is just to figure out what type of personality each member has and understand things from their point of view. Like someone else said everyone is an individual so they have to be treated differently to suit their type. Some people will never understand your xNTJ style but at least if you try to see things from their point of view things may be a little easier.

Good luck.

[Spartacuss]

Usually when people say "cold" they mean rude or lacking in social graces.
In my experience, you can be polite and proper with people and still if they are your subordinates and you don't go out of your way to coddle them and become their buddies, you will be termed cold.
[end attribution]
---
I've been in a somewhat similar position before and it can be a pain if you are not particularly interested in them as people outside of their roles. What do you do when you have different work values, e.g., such that merely reminding slackers of their duties is taken as "Enyo is cold"? Because that's how some people operate.

Some take work as a place to be social and feel like you're silently judging them if you are not all-in with the chit chat, which I find frankly tiresome.
Change jobs or push to hire more matter of fact people like yourself. :smoke: Hey, the latter worked for me. Well, that and celebrating and rewarding good work when they did it - appeal to their egos and pockets, if possible. Show you can be impressed by their work efforts. Showy if largely symbolic campaigns on their behalf help, too, e.g. getting little perks from more senior management for your staff. It's kind of silly, but whatever works.

[Enyo]

In my experience, you can be polite and proper with people and still if they are your subordinates and you don't go out of your way to coddle them and become their buddies, you will be termed cold.
[end attribution]
---
I've been in a somewhat similar position before and it can be a pain if you are not particularly interested in them as people outside of their roles. What do you do when you have different work values, e.g., such that merely reminding slackers of their duties is taken as "Enyo is cold"? Because that's how some people operate.

Some take work as a place to be social and feel like you're silently judging them if you are not all-in with the chit chat, which I find frankly tiresome.
Change jobs or push to hire more matter of fact people like yourself. :smoke: Hey, the latter worked for me. Well, that and celebrating and rewarding good work when they did it - appeal to their egos and pockets, if possible. Show you can be impressed by their work efforts. Showy if largely symbolic campaigns on their behalf help, too, e.g. getting little perks from more senior management for your staff. It's kind of silly, but whatever works.

You know, that's the thing is that I don't really know any of these people. I know a little bit, like who's going to university and what for. I know who has health issues. If someone calls in sick, I call to tell them that I hope they feel better.

I thank them for doing something well or just tell them as simple as "great job", or "I really appreciate you doing x."

I'm getting ready for work right now, and my main thought is "eleven months to go. Just eleven more months."

It's not that I don't care about these people or appreciate the job that they do. It's just that I don't understand feelings. I mean, sure, I have them, but I don't really see the value in using them to make or influence decisions. And since I don't see what they could possibly do to increase output, I don't really use them. Likewise, I don't really understand what I'm supposed to do for *their* feelings, particularly if it isn't communicated to me.

I've explained it this way to some of them: "If you want efficiency and results, I'm your girl. Give me a report and I can analyze it seven ways to Sunday, and use that data to improve, correct, or maintain status quo. Give me a problem and I'll solve it, give me a target and I'll hit it. But feelings? Not so much. I'm actually kind of stupid in that regard."

[DigitalMethod]

I've explained it this way to some of them: "If you want efficiency and results, I'm your girl. Give me a report and I can analyze it seven ways to Sunday, and use that data to improve, correct, or maintain status quo. Give me a problem and I'll solve it, give me a target and I'll hit it. But feelings? Not so much. I'm actually kind of stupid in that regard."

That sounds cold.
As in lack of feeling.
But I think that is just fine.
My intuition tells me that it is just "whining". Picking at one thing they dislike.
I think if you sat them down and asked them "what are some qualities you like about my managing?" and "what are you some qualities you dislike about my managing?" then it might be more enlightening.

How many people are you dealing with? If it's sorta small, then you could just have a meeting and just tell them in a group like manner - your above quote. Just explain to them.

I'm sure that they see you as efficient though, and they probably respect that. They might even prefer an efficient manager more so than a "mommy manager", I mean... doesn't that equate to more money? That makes everyone happy.

But anywho. I think just sitting them down and talking it out if it's possible would be pretty good. Just try to not bring up MBTI... some people just won't understand or understand it and not accept it.

I dunno, I think you sound like a really good manager in my opinion! I'd like an efficient boss who gives me a high five when I get the job done, and being understanding if I'm not up to par with my normal efficiency. You sound pretty friendly in my opinion. But not too friendly, which is important in a work atmosphere. The sort of boss that is like "Okay when we are at work we are being efficient - then once we get the job done we can be more relaxed and friendly." Maybe have like a company activity, show them that your not just an "cold manager". But again, I don't know how many people we're talking about...

[toonia]

At every job that I've ever had (which has always been or lead to managerial/supervisory positions), my staff complains that I'm cold. I've actually been told that I'm efficient and goal-oriented to a fault.

If anything, more like Tuvok's precision and indifference to feelings with Seven of Nine's drive for perfection.

How on earth can anyone consider it difficult to report to someone who is blunt and clear in expectations? I mean, it's not like you ever wonder where you stand with this person.

I'm even willing to help you learn to meet my expectations if you don't meet them now. You can't possibly meet them if you don't have the tools to do it.

So, can someone explain to me where the complication is? Because I really don't get it.
I personally prefer reporting to people with that mindset and communication style. It requires a certain perspective though. Most people are personally invested in their own viewpoint, so the shock of sharp, direct honesty rattles them too much. It tends to be effective to develop the ability to glimpse the world through each of these personal vantage points and attempt to communicate on their terms. It is similar to speaking different languages. People who attach emotional content to every word will tend to attach negative emotion to words that don't communicate support and warmth. Context is an important issue here as well. Certain types of authority positions requires that razor's edge style, while other positions requires an element of keeping everyone happy and secure. It depends on the degree of social responsibility of the authority position.

People tend to be self-invested and insecure, so it helps when authority figures develop the ability to reassure people when giving critiques. Also remember that many people are hardwired to feel invalidated by authority - people who have had parents or teachers be negative in a personally demeaning manner. When someone in power treats you like you are nothing (especially at an early age) it can affect the way you see yourself. If there is something good that can be said about the person's performance, start with that so the person knows you have positive thoughts as well.

[Algora J]

I've been in a somewhat similar position before and it can be a pain if you are not particularly interested in them as people outside of their roles. What do you do when you have different work values, e.g., such that merely reminding slackers of their duties is taken as "Enyo is cold"? Because that's how some people operate.

I tend to have the philosophy that there is a project goal- or an overall goal to be accomplished- and not particularly the 9-5er who clocks in and out and am supposed to be doing busy work in that time frame. There was several studies conducted that workers were more productive if they took two 15 min breaks instead of not taking one at all.

I think it primarily depends on the industry, but I know of one company that is "project driven" (not 9-5) and makes it easy for workers to take breaks, go on bike rides, rent out company cars to take shopping breaks and so on. They have a standard of high productivity and is probably one of the most successful companies in the world.


Some take work as a place to be social and feel like you're silently judging them if you are not all-in with the chit chat, which I find frankly tiresome.

It sounds like you're more of the type of person who prefers to work alone or at home.

Change jobs or push to hire more matter of fact people like yourself. :smoke: Hey, the latter worked for me. Well, that and celebrating and rewarding good work when they did it - appeal to their egos and pockets, if possible. Show you can be impressed by their work efforts. Showy if largely symbolic campaigns on their behalf help, too, e.g. getting little perks from more senior management for your staff. It's kind of silly, but whatever works.

You also seem to dislike hierarchy. Have you thought of going into business for yourself where you do not have to report to other people?

[lastrailway]

I didn't read the whole thread, but, based on the OP and a couple of posts more, I don't get either why people have problem with your way of management. If you are helpful, explicit in describing what exactly you want to be done and accept no as an answer and, however, you still don't get results and people complain about you, then there's something else you're doing wrong.
Maybe the deadlines you give are very tight? Maybe you give priorities to projects that conflict with what people are currently working on? Maybe you're overly controlling and look above people's shoulders to see how are they progressing? Or maybe you've just landed to a very relaxed environment and people find you overly demanding (in which case, of course, it has to do more with the previous management than with you).

On a side note, I have an xNTJ boss that I don't like for all sort of reasons, one of them would be that his way of management is pretty much the totally opposite of what you're describing.

[Algora J]

On a side note, I have an xNTJ boss that I don't like for all sort of reasons, one of them would be that his way of management is pretty much the totally opposite of what you're describing.

Just curious, but can you give a couple of specifics on what his management style is? I didn't find the OP gave enough info to make an assessment of her style, except that she hates social interaction with her staff.

[lastrailway]

Just curious, but can you give a couple of specifics on what his management style is? I didn't find the OP gave enough info to make an assessment of her style, except that she hates social interaction with her staff.

Sure:
-He chooses to ignore what priorities has each member of the group, which is quite a big deal, when everyone is working on and paid for different projects, as is the case here. Instead, he presses some particular goals, probably of interest to him, but not necessarily to all the stuff.
-He requires a long explanation on what exactly you intend to do before you even start doing something. Since the situation in my case is, as I mentioned above, several projects running simultaneously, he tries to combine different projects in one process. So no matter how comprehensive your original plan is, he will ask you to adapt it so to include the "general goals". This might seem positive for a manager's point of view, but it's not positive for the people actually working on the project and need to report a progress of their part to those who pay us.
-He is very controlling. For some people that are used to work pretty much independently, this is totally counter-productive.
-On the top of all the above, when you do need his help (as in ordering material, or having somebody to help you, now with the vacations and everything), he is never willing to do it. He only offers unwanted help that isn't really very helpful in the end.

In contrast, if I read well the OP, he says that he leaves enough room to the stuff to work as they see fit, as long they give him the expected results and he is understanding of people different priorities.

[Algora J]

Sure:
-He chooses to ignore what priorities has each member of the group, which is quite a big deal, when everyone is working on and paid for different projects, as is the case here. Instead, he presses some particular goals, probably of interest to him, but not necessarily to all the stuff.
-He requires a long explanation on what exactly you intend to do before you even start doing something. Since the situation in my case is, as I mentioned above, several projects running simultaneously, he tries to combine different projects in one process. So no matter how comprehensive your original plan is, he will ask you to adapt it so to include the "general goals". This might seem positive for a manager's point of view, but it's not positive for the people actually working on the project and need to report a progress of their part to those who pay us.
-He is very controlling. For some people that are used to work pretty much independently, this is totally counter-productive.
-On the top of all the above, when you do need his help (as in ordering material, or having somebody to help you, now with the vacations and everything), he is never willing to do it. He only offers unwanted help that isn't really very helpful in the end.

In contrast, if I read well the OP, he says that he leaves enough room to the stuff to work as they see fit, as long they give him the expected results and he is understanding of people different priorities.

What makes you think he's an NTJ?

[Spartacuss]

It sounds like you're more of the type of person who prefers to work alone or at home.

You also seem to dislike hierarchy. Have you thought of going into business for yourself where you do not have to report to other people?

Hmm..., but I loved my job, actually. And I got record results. ;)
Once we phased out the more disruptive chatterbox fluffies (replaced with people more to my liking, which made the workplace a lot more enjoyable, as we related better), and got everyone in more competitive gear (with each other), we rocked as a team.
I guess I do dislike hierarchy to a degree, but I'm O.K. as long as I have a good deal of autonomy and room to challenge myself. What is not fine is having to deal with distractions that, at bottom, have nothing to do with the job because people need to be babied.

[lastrailway]

What makes you think he's an NTJ?

His way of thinking strikes to me as clear Te. He know what he wants and figures out the steps to reach it.
Not extremely sure about the Ni part, but some apparently unfounded statements he frequently makes, with no obvious or linear logic underneath matches the Ni descriptions I've read. Coupled with the objectives he sets, sometimes.

[Algora J]

His way of thinking strikes to me as clear Te. He know what he wants and figures out the steps to reach it.
Not extremely sure about the Ni part, but some apparently unfounded statements he frequently makes, with no obvious or linear logic underneath matches the Ni descriptions I've read. Coupled with the objectives he sets, sometimes.

Maybe you should have him take the test. He sounds more like an INFJ to me.

[Algora J]

Hmm..., but I loved my job, actually. And I got record results. ;)
Once we phased out the more disruptive chatterbox fluffies (replaced with people more to my liking, which made the workplace a lot more enjoyable, as we related better), and got everyone in more competitive gear (with each other), we rocked as a team.
I guess I do dislike hierarchy to a degree, but I'm O.K. as long as I have a good deal of autonomy and room to challenge myself. What is not fine is having to deal with distractions that, at bottom, have nothing to do with the job because people need to be babied.

That makes sense, I hate babying people. Of course, that's completely different from being social and cordial.

What sort of distractions do you mean?

[lastrailway]

Maybe you should have him take the test. He sounds more like an INFJ to me.

Why he sounds INFJ?

[Spartacuss]

That makes sense, I hate babying people. Of course, that's completely different from being social and cordial.

What sort of distractions do you mean?
I am all for cordiality. But the extensive discussion of personal lives was distraction enough. Then, of course, others had to chime in with their commiseration, which was more distraction.

[Algora J]

Why he sounds INFJ?

Because he isn't interested in priorities and he is only interested in his own agenda- not a particularly NTJ trait. Also he is controlling. INFJs tend to be this way, both in their professional and personal relationships.

[Enyo]

That sounds cold.
As in lack of feeling.
But I think that is just fine.
My intuition tells me that it is just "whining". Picking at one thing they dislike.
I think if you sat them down and asked them "what are some qualities you like about my managing?" and "what are you some qualities you dislike about my managing?" then it might be more enlightening.

How many people are you dealing with? If it's sorta small, then you could just have a meeting and just tell them in a group like manner - your above quote. Just explain to them.

I'm sure that they see you as efficient though, and they probably respect that. They might even prefer an efficient manager more so than a "mommy manager", I mean... doesn't that equate to more money? That makes everyone happy.

But anywho. I think just sitting them down and talking it out if it's possible would be pretty good. Just try to not bring up MBTI... some people just won't understand or understand it and not accept it.

I dunno, I think you sound like a really good manager in my opinion! I'd like an efficient boss who gives me a high five when I get the job done, and being understanding if I'm not up to par with my normal efficiency. You sound pretty friendly in my opinion. But not too friendly, which is important in a work atmosphere. The sort of boss that is like "Okay when we are at work we are being efficient - then once we get the job done we can be more relaxed and friendly." Maybe have like a company activity, show them that your not just an "cold manager". But again, I don't know how many people we're talking about...

I'm not bad at managing for the numbers. My last job was in a high turnover industry. If we lost less than 5% in a month, it was a good month. I didn't lose any staff for my last 6 months, and the three that I did lose in the months before were lost because they moved away from town.

I've got about 25 people that I'm managing, after losing the 5 that were freaking out over my heartlessness. I celebrate successes with a high five. I thank them for helping in other areas where I'd have been screwed without their assistance. When the numbers aren't where they should be, I coach and role-play instead of just bitch at them. When they are busy (I have four other departments still, even without losing the department that was bitching about me), I help them. If I don't know what they need and I can see that they are busy, I let them put me to work like I reported to them instead of the other way around.

I have had the "great with numbers, suck at feelings" conversation with my people that were here today. And I've started cc'ing my boss on emails that I send out to the ones that think I'm heartless.

It was a good day today. Even though I was short-handed (one girl in one of my departments called in, while another girl in a different department called in sick, and a third one left early from yet a different department because she was obviously ill), all of my areas made their numbers. And I was a bit of a counselor to another one of my people (a young one who just finished high school and is about to go off to university) when she and her high school sweetheart broke up.

I'm trying to work on that whole "build a connection" thing.

[Enyo]

I didn't find the OP gave enough info to make an assessment of her style, except that she hates social interaction with her staff.

It's not that I hate social interaction with my staff. It's that I don't know how to socially interact with my staff. I wish I could sit down and just chat.

I'm uncomfortable with social interaction for the sake of interaction, period. :blush:

[Maabus1999]

It's not that I hate social interaction with my staff. It's that I don't know how to socially interact with my staff. I wish I could sit down and just chat.

I'm uncomfortable with social interaction for the sake of interaction, period. :blush:

Practice. Do what I did with my INTJ quest for perfection: get a bunch of communication books(they have some MBTI ones out there), teach yourself, and practice.

[Algora J]

It's not that I hate social interaction with my staff. It's that I don't know how to socially interact with my staff. I wish I could sit down and just chat.

I'm uncomfortable with social interaction for the sake of interaction, period. :blush:

Oh, that's understandable! With some people, they take a little while to warm up. I sometimes become intimidated myself.