fear of being center of attention

[prplchknz]

I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.

[scantilyclad]

i got used to being the center of attention after being cast in so many lead parts in school plays, so this no longer bothers me. i do get a bit nervous, but i'm more afraid of doing something like this if i have to stand up in a room full of people and tell them my name or something.

[nottaprettygal]

Since public speaking is the most common fear, there are millions of people who hate being the center of attention. However, I've had the same fear of being asked to be in a wedding. Luckily, a) I don't have a lot of friends and b) None of them will EVER get married (as long as I can help it).

[prplchknz]

hmm I tend to puke when I'm nervous maybe I can do that and say have the flu or something.

[Jack Flak]

When it comes to attention it's like the Joker's analogy "I'm like a dog chasing cars...I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."

[Edahn]

I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.

I guess you can take two routes with this. First, you can avoid it. It's easier to avoid difficult things in the beginning, but it carries certain costs, like losing out on meeting people, and having to worry about these issues (social anxiety) wherever you are. Second, you can decide to work on it. You're not the first person to experience social anxiety and you won't be the first to overcome it. There are people here (like Ivy, and I hope I can say that without incurring her wrath, because she's mentioned it before) who have overcome it, and there are people here (like me) who are working on it.

Telling myself to relax doesn't really work for me. It comes from a critical place that says it's not okay to be nervous. That voice itself is ALSO nervousness, that if I don't relax and don't whip into shape, I'll lose out on something or embarrass myself. So, it's not a good solution.

A better solution, I think, is to accept the difficulty and to try and find a way to be okay without immediately relaxing or changing the anxiety. You can think of it as "making room" for the feelings + mind flurries, or listening to it, or comforting it, or embracing it. It's all the same thing. The point is, you act as a friend to yourself instead of a critical watchman and allow the feeling to exist with you. You'll know what to do after that. Giving a speech at a wedding is a pretty high-anxiety provoking event. Maybe you can start off smaller by putting yourself in low-anxiety situations and being with it.

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I used to get really nervous whenever doing something in front of a group. Now I love it. It really feeds my energy.

[Spartacuss]

bleh... as long as I'm not ad libbing with the attention it should be fine. I hate being called on out of the blue to give a speech...esp. at any ceremony where I'm supposed to be toasting someone *represses bad memories*
I remember a disastrous team presentation where I had to work with Mr. Impromptu (oh great, group work :mad:) and he failed to carry his prepared half and fucked up my carefully planned presentation. Cue the panic as I realized things were not going as planned, and the acute sense of everybody paying attention to the fuck-up was immense. I hated him.

[entropie]

I am still searching for a group :)

[prplchknz]

I am still searching for a group :)

trust me when I say I have ONE friend in the same city as me and she's not even here this month. But I still have this fear which is probably why I can't make friends. I just tell myself I don't want friends, I'm fine being by myself. Part of me knows this isn't true, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't agree. I'm talking more on past experiences (like highschool)or family reunions, I'm fine as long as I'm not expected to talk, or stand in front of people. Yes I can't just stand on stage and do nothing.

[entropie]

trust me when I say I have ONE friend in the same city as me and she's not even here this month. But I still have this fear which is probably why I can't make friends. I just tell myself I don't want friends, I'm fine being by myself. Part of me knows this isn't true, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't agree. I'm talking more on past experiences (like highschool)or family reunions, I'm fine as long as I'm not expected to talk, or stand in front of people. Yes I can't just stand on stage and do nothing.

The good thing is, noone of this crowd did hear that ?! ;)

[Thursday]

hmm
on stage, i am at home
i feel amazingly free

at open mic nights, i get tense
my intestines come outta my ears
i can barely play the song, let alone sing it

so the more people, the better
because the concentration is spread out
its harder to pin down the reactions of individuals

and it doesn't help that i analyze things and people while onstage

[Wyst]

Even though I hated doing piano recitals when I was a kid, and I hated even more my swim meets in during my high school years.. (maybe that's because I was wearing a Speedo? hmm).. I find that now I really enjoy the chance to be in front of people.

The past couple of times I've done public speaking have included speaking to about 200-300 people, translating for the company president in front of the board and high-level managers.

Getting started is always the hardest part. Once I get going, I let the adrenaline carry me the rest of the way. I'm usually complimented on my speaking. But I especially enjoy it when there isn't an EXACT thing (script.. whatever) that I have to stick to. The flexibility allows me to help cover up any mistakes that I might have made.

I still cannot do solo music performances. If I'm playing with another 2-3 people then I'm fine.

[LucrativeSid]

I always liked it. But I'm a showoff, so I should not post in this thread.

[millerm277]

I definitely don't enjoy being the center of attention at all. I avoid it if it's feasible to, and if not, I can tough it out. If I am the center of attention (or know I will be soon), I tend to get very nervous internally, although externally, no one has a clue. I've gotten complements for my confidence and skill in doing presentations well, when I've been extremely nervous mentally.

[AscendingFlame]

For me it always depends... If I feel secure about something, I enjoy being the center of attention. Like when I have to give a presentation about something that I know a lot about and am passionate about, then it's not a problem at all. Or if I have had success with something before. For me, it's all about feeling secure about my own abilities. If I am, I enjoy it. If I am not, I'd rather hide and disappear.

And yes, I do get nervous in both cases. But it's such a good feeling when that nervousness disappears once you're there, being the center of attention.

[01011010]

Too much attention makes me really uncomfortable

[Hang]

I guess I get cold sweats.

[Modern Nomad]

i love public speaking. i wish i could do it every day.

but sometimes public attenion gives me a headache.

like that game "mafia" . i hate that game. i get a buzz in my head when i play it.

[Little Linguist]

Nah, I am not afraid of being the center of attention. Of course, I have a healthy bit of nerves before I speak, which drives me to perfectionism. However, I do not have a stifling, horrible feeling that makes me feel like

OH GOD NO PLEASE SPARE ME THE TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For example, in class, I always participated. On one level, because it is the smart thing to do - you get better grades. Sometimes, however, I participated because I loved the topic and had some really passionate feelings and ideas regarding the matter. Never was afraid...unless I happened to forget my homework. I never liked admitting that I forgot and/or did not get a chance to do my homework, which frequently happened because I am a spacy idiot at times.

Another example: in seventh and eighth grade I participated in a poetry contest at my school and went onto regionals, winning first prize. That was great!!! They said my voice was so powerful that they had to stop doing it the room next door. OOOPS!

I also loved acting in seventh and eighth grade. Won a supporting actress award.

After grammar school, though, acting got put on hold because school became more of a priority. So I became a nerd.

However, I have always loved participating in debates. When I am in debate mode, I turn into this awful combo of INTJ and ENTJ where the opposition just gets steamrolled with a panzer tank division. Made me rather unpopular at university.

Nowadays, after leaving this school environment, I have developed my Fi and Te too much to really LOVE it anymore. I have become much more cynical over time....DOH!

Now my extroversion goes into my teaching, where my extroversion really comes out. One of the "beginner" mistakes that I always used to do was talking too much. DOH. Now I let others do the talking, and I can talk to my husband, friends, or rant on MBTI!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[helen]

I don't like being the center of attention. It's not the same as being shy. I can be quite open, one on one, but in groups I get quiet cuz I can't focus on everyone at once.

I've been in a couple weddings. Usually I'm so dressed up, made up, and have my hair done up so that I don't really feel like *me,* more like a project I worked on for the occasion that is now on display. Heh. It also helps that you don't have to talk to be a bridesmaid.

I sorta disconnect from the situation until it's over. It's not so bad.

[Bufo]

In a group, sometimes, I present ideas that bring me to the center of attention. In that situation people usually expect you to take the lead role. I don't like it because then I cease to be private and spontaneous, and lose my mental peace and independence.

[Not_Me]

Once you're at the center, you will forget where you are and cease to be nervous. The anticipation is the worse part.

[booyalab]

For example, in class, I always participated.

Yeah, I participated in class, too. But eventually, if no one else was prone to it, I'd stop because I didn't want that to be my Role. I don't like pressure. I have acted in plays though. It helped if I didn't think anyone in the audience had any expectation that I would or should do well.

[ajblaise]

I was Peter Pan in my school play. I would participate in class too, if I knew the answer or had a good guess.. but this assumes that I wasn't daydreaming and zoning out, which I did a lot in the easy classes.

When it comes to being the center of attention, I guess it depends on if it's negative or positive attention. I don't mind it, but I don't desperately seek it out like some people.

[FallsPioneer]

I don't like being the center of attention in the rousing-leader alpha person sense. Otherwise, I don't really care as long as I'm not the focus for too long.

[substitute]

BEING the centre of attention isn't a problem for me, as long as i don't REALIZE I am :laugh:

Cos the minute I do, I freeze, start to mumble and apologize, then shut up.

At a wedding party, everyone's eyes are fixed on the bride and secondarily, as an afterthought, the groom. But if it helps, the secret of the ENTP's typical easiness with attention is just not noticing it, being so absorbed in what you're doing that you don't notice. Like imagine you're reading a really good book and then your mom comes in the room and starts talking to you and asking you stuff about yourself, and you just answer in an offhand way whilst not really coming out of the book in your head? That kind of feeling.

[Jeffster]

I have no fear of being the center of attention.

Now, that being said, I haven't always liked it when it happened. Like when I was a kid, there was a time the much older next door neighbor dude gave me a wedgie and other kids were laughing at me and calling me names. I never liked that kind of attention. But most of the time I was pretty invisible. I would've done anything to get the kind of attention my son gets. I would've been king of the school.

Nowadays, I tend to only be the center of attention in environments that I'm already comfortable with, like at work or out with friends. Then I enjoy making people laugh and I enjoy sharing my experiences and talking about myself. :cool:

[Aimahn]

Realizing it is the key imo. I have no problem getting involved to that degree as long as I dont realize it, basically its being hyperfocused. Its good because its sort of like a built in cockiness analyzer. As soon as the intensity wears off or somebody draws me out I start to retreat and humble myself by being aware of shortcomings, doubting everything and diffusing attention elsewhere.

[ZiL]

You guys are on target with the problem of "realizing" that you're the center of attention. Consciously anticipating it almost always leads to a panic attack/mental shut-down. If you have to be in a situation like that, my advice would be to just turn your brain off and go with the flow. I mean really turn your brain off, lol. Anxiety may be your first reaction, but harping on it will benefit you in no way whatsoever. It's a waste of good energy. I'm sure that's redundant to you as you give yourself similar advice, but it is a trance that can be snapped out of. Most of my life has been one big social anxiety attack, and for the longest time I'd get stuck in those anxiety cycles. But now I consciously try to say to myself, "this is no big deal, realistically nothing devastating could happen. The bad scenarios are all in my mind." The more you drive this into your head and disconnect your thoughts from thinking up bad scenarios (seriously, just stop thinking! I know it's hard but it helps you become more in tune with your environment, which is calming), the better it will be. Keep in mind that once you're in the middle of it, and once it's over, you'll wonder what you were so worried about. Even if you made a clumsy mistake...I mean, c'mon, people know you, they're not going to banish you.

[Clover]

I am never the center of attention, so I wouldn't really know how that feels. Sure I have spoken in front of people, but I know half of them aren't paying attention or even caring about what I am saying anyway. I am just a tiny little insignificant spec in their day, they will forget me sooner or later. At least that's what I tell myself to push my anxiety away, it's actually a rather soothing thought, though I can see how some people might find it disturbing...

[Anja]

I have a love/hate relationship with it.

I've been in jobs that have called for public speaking and I enjoy being in front of people and talking about something that I am sure about. But if I'm out of practice I hope for a podium because it's a guarantee that my buttocks will be quivering with fright and it robs me of credibility if people see me doing a sort-of standing hula while emoting.

It passes after a few moments and a bit of goodwill from my audience.

When I was a young thing I was complaining to a friend about how I hate to be stared at and she answered, "Well, look at you! You've got on that red frou-frou top pulled down to bare your shoulders, your shorts are too short and you've got a danged flower tucked behind one ear. Make up your mind!" *Blush.*

(Later she told me that she planned to wear a purple turban to her daughter's wedding and asked me if I thought that might be "too much." Heh. Like attracts like?)

I still don't get that "negative attention is better than none" thing that some people do, though.

I think with age a person become more sure of who they are and so then less uncomfortable. And in a society that puts little value on the elderly I've discovered that the general populace doesn't pay that much attention anyway. That gives my inner rascal a chance to come out and play!