ISTPs--Shy, Socially Anxious, Reserved?

[grendiecat]

Any of the above? Tend more toward being ______?

[6sticks]

Not shy or socially anxious. I'm not, anyway. Generally reserved. Sometimes very not reserved.

[wolfy]

Not shy, can be reserved. Socially anxious? Not really,unless I don't get the context.
Meeting someone unexpectedly often throws me.:doh:

[Hang]

My brother is an ISTP, I love him. He can be goofy around me, and never takes things seriously. But when going outside, he doesn't show any affection.

When a little child offered him a piece of candy, he took it without any remorse. When we were about to leave I saw that he sneaked the candy back to the child. I didn't know why he took it in the first place. But it shows me that he doesn't allow intamacy with anyone.

For all the years I've been with him, I havn't see him sharing any emotional bond with anything or anyone. But his motive, most of the times, was meant to do good.

[Sunshine]

My brother is an ISTP, I love him. He can be goofy around me, and never takes things seriously. But when going outside, he doesn't show any affection.

When a little child offered him a piece of candy, he took it without any remorse. When we were about to leave I saw that he sneaked the candy back to the child. I didn't know why he took it in the first place. But it shows me that he doesn't allow intamacy with anyone.

For all the years I've been with him, I havn't see him sharing any emotional bond with anything or anyone. But his motive, most of the times, was meant to do good.

What? Wow. My ISTP little brother definitely shares emotional bonds with people...cuz he shares one with me!

Those ISTPs are tricky creatures to read. I bet they got tons of stuff going on in their hearts all the time it's just that no one ever sees it.

[Colors]

Shy, Socially Anxious, or Reserved?

Sometimes all three! But usually just reserved. I try not to be though, cause then people sometimes think you're implicitly agreeing with them, or else read into silence in all sorts of other strange ways.

[alcea rosea]

My experience: reserved

[Randomnity]

I could see where introverts in general would tend towards all three, as I do, but I don't think shyness and social anxiety are confined to certain types. If anything I think ISTPs would be less prone to the first two than other introverted types, since they tend to worry less about what other people are thinking (I think).

[proteanmix]

My ISTP sister is quite the charmer, prankster and is always looking for the short route. I remember when she was trying to get her driver's license she kept failing the written part of the exam. After the third time, she snuck behind the desk somehow and got a hard copy of the exam, went back to take the exam and turned in that copy! I have so many more stories of her schemes.

It's hard for me to tell because she's my sister and is probably more open with me because I'm family but she doesn't seem shy. She's openly affectionate with us and her ISFJ boyfriend. I know a handful of ISTP women at my workplace and they seem quiet but not particularly shy.

["?"]

I am in agreement with most that I can be reserved. Not socially anxious at all. But this reminds me of something that I have read about INTJ, INFJ, ISTP and ISTJ who have all been described as introverts that are most misidentified as extraverts. I wonder whether the Chart the Course interaction style comes into play here? Maybe if Eric B picks up on this thread he can answer that since he seems to have a good grasp of Berens' system.

[alcea rosea]

But this reminds me of something that I have read about INTJ, INFJ, ISTP and ISTJ who have all been described as introverts that are most misidentified as extraverts.

I agree with this. In fact, I have been wondering the type of one introvert in the family for many years now. ;) He is ISTP, ISTJ or INTJ. He is very unlikely INTP and very unlikely any F type. There is a huge difference between Ti, Si and Ni but I really cannot see his primary function. The secondary functions (Se, Te, Te) don't help either. Secondary is rather Te than Se but I still cannot see it. I have ruled other personality types mostly out of the picture. Introverted people can be soooooo difficult to understand. ;)

["?"]

I agree with this. In fact, I have been wondering the type of one introvert in the family for many years now. ;) He is ISTP, ISTJ or INTJ. He is very unlikely INTP and very unlikely any F type. There is a huge difference between Ti, Si and Ni but I really cannot see his primary function. The secondary functions (Se, Te, Te) don't help either. Secondary is rather Te than Se but I still cannot see it. I have ruled other personality types mostly out of the picture. Introverted people can be soooooo difficult to understand. ;)I like this thought Alcea, which goes along with my thoughts that contrary to theory the functions are not that easy to determine. As for the ISTP-ITJ family member, Berens says that Ni/Ti, and Se/Te are look-a-like functions. In my earlier thread, I was alluding to Berens' interaction style. Since all fore types mentioned are of that style, the reason for the extraverted appearance may lie with it.

[Algora J]

I haven't met an ISTP I didn't like.

They're warm, congenial, very smart people who can intuit what needs to be done before you even ask!

I adore ISTPs. They're also creative, very technically oriented and problem solve really easily. Working with them is easy. I wish more people were ISTPs.

ISFPs, on the other hand are very different. They always seem cold and unfeeling at first, mainly because society has taught them to hide their feelings, and to act more "rational". ISTPs in comparison are very communicative about their feelings and don't hold back on the analysis.

[Eric B]

I am in agreement with most that I can be reserved. Not socially anxious at all. But this reminds me of something that I have read about INTJ, INFJ, ISTP and ISTJ who have all been described as introverts that are most misidentified as extraverts. I wonder whether the Chart the Course interaction style comes into play here? Maybe if Eric B picks up on this thread he can answer that since he seems to have a good grasp of Berens' system.
I had just been in a discussion on another board with an ISFP talking about appearing extroverted. That type, along with the ISTP and INTJ you mentioned, are Pragmatic, which I had pointed out would add a measure of "expressiveness", and thus possibly appear extroverted. (Pragmatic or utilitarian is defined as "do what works", as opposed to "do what's right", so they would be quicker to do things, and then ask permission later).

Chart the Course is defined as "introverted" (along with "directing"), so you would expect the to be more reserved. But then, it is sometimes pointed out that "introversion" (as defined by having a dominant inward-turened cognitive function) does not always mean "shy" or "quiet". It simply means they are energized by the inner world. Berens' basic descriptions in her book on the Interaction Styles does not even specifically mention stuff like "quietness" or "shyness". (The portrait does mention being "private"). Yet, the inner focus usually does play out in them being more reserved.
Now, why the INFJ and ISTJ (who are cooperative) are included in that list (as well as it leaving off ISFP, along with INTP), I'm not sure.

So really, anybody of any type can appear extroverted, for whatever reason. Perhaps with the IJ's, it's more reactive. Like my father seems to be ISTJ, and to me growing up, he seemed pretty "extroverted". But that's because I was under his care, and basically on his turf. Now, he definitely fits the typical portrait of an "introvert". So perhaps it could be the aux. Te for the ITJ's. With the INFJ, it could be the Fe, but then that would also mean the INFJ. Perhaps the Ni has something to do with it as well?

[Grayscale]

i can definitely be reserved, although most of the time it's that i dont have anything to say or no reason to say it. the only social awkwardness tends to exist in others, especially when im intensely quiet (i suspect this makes especially extroverted people uncomfortable). lastly, im far from shy, although ive been incorrectly described as such a handful of times.

[millerm277]

In formal settings (school, work) or with a group of people I don't know well, I am very reserved, mostly because I have nothing to say. I am definitely not socially anxious or shy, as I have no problem with public speaking or talking to new people....it's just not something I go out of my way to do.

[alcea rosea]

They're warm, congenial, very smart people who can intuit what needs to be done before you even ask!


I don't get the warm feeling from ISTP's. I would call ESFJ or ENFJ a warm person.

["?"]

Thanks for your insights Eric. I will have to digest your thoughts and respond later. I do agree that extraverts can appear introverted and vice-versa, which is why dichotomies are so misleading. I did notice that no one has mentioned a word that Jung used quite often in describing introverts; tactiturn (which loosely connoted I guess may be parallel to being reserved).

[alicia91]

Shy - not really.

Social Anxiety - depends on the situation. If I'm going to be forced to socialize in a large crowd, with strangers, schmoozing, around a lot of extraverts then I may have some of that.

Reserved - definately though once I know people WELL, then I will open up to some extent. I've been trying to explore why I'm so reserved because it's really hindering my ability to make friends, and feel that I'm part of something. I tend to feel like an outsider much of the time but I know it's my fault because I can't take the next step and connect with people.

[istpunk]

I'm gonna say reserved, everything else is a lie as any type can be shy or socially anxious.

My dick is hard.

[mcmartinez84]

Shy, Socially Anxious, or Reserved?

Sometimes all three! But usually just reserved. I try not to be though, cause then people sometimes think you're implicitly aggreeing with them, or else read into silence in all sorts of other strange ways.

Agreed! With all of it! Other people reading into shit I do or don't do pisses me off, so sometimes I lay down the word. Generally I'm reserved. People have to ask me questions and strike my interest for me to speak up. I usually assume that anything I have to say isn't interesting to those around me (that is, if I don't know them well).

Meeting someone unexpectedly often throws me.:doh:

lol, me too.

[substitute]

My best friend in the universe is an ISTP. I wouldn't say 'shy' was a word that really comes to mind about him. Reserved perhaps, but not shy - shy is my sister, who's been known to go a long distance just to do a certain thing, and then seriously consider going back just because when she gets there, it isn't immediately apparent which door to go through and she won't ask the receptionist or whatever. THAT is shy.

My ISTP wouldn't have any trouble with asking strangers for the time/a light/directions etc. and when it's non-strangers at a dinner party, but people he's still not very familiar with, he's still fine to ask them to pass the corkscrew or any question he feels like asking (unlike my sister, who'd go without wine rather than ask for the corkscrew).

But on the other hand, he can sometimes be a bit overly self-effacing, needlessly so, when he talks. I think he thinks he's less bright than he is in reality (he is very bright), and sometimes assumes that whoever's in the room is bound to be cleverer than him, so I often see him venturing opinions or information, then sorta trying to dismiss his own words as if applying 'attack first' to himself, like he's sure everyone'll think he's stupid or wrong or whatever.

Particularly if a 'big word' is involved in articulating his ideas - he'll say the word perfectly, and I know that the only way to make him keep talking is if I show no reaction whatsoever to his use of this word. And whilst in normal circumstances I wouldn't even notice, it's hard not to notice or react when I can see that he's suddenly all nervous and looking at me like he's trying to see if I'm inwardly laughing at him for pronouncing it wrongly or something. And it's weird cos I've never ever corrected him once. He's rarely ever needed it and as often as not he can correct me. But I have to just not even blink and act like I haven't noticed he used a big word, if I want him to just carry on with what he was saying (which I do).

And he stops himself talking all the time, starts telling himself to shut up right when he's really starting to open up and pique people's fascination.

I dunno, it's like he has a self-destruct mechanism: he believes everyone thinks he's dumb, but then he creates a viscious circle by not letting himself say anything that would prove otherwise.

He's still a top dude though. I mean he really knows his stuff.

[JustDave]

Shy? Only when tired and I don't want to deal with people.

Socially anxious? Not really, but I hate crowds.

Reserved? Very much so. However, I'm always polite.

[luminous beam]

<3 sorry, i still very much so appreciate, admire and like ISTPs :)

[yepISTP]

Shy-I would say definitely not. I think of shyness as being nervous or having a lack of self confidence. Most of the time when ISTPs appear shy, they just don't really want to meet people.

Sociall Anxious-Perhaps a little bit? I am somewhat anxious, but only if I'm around a large group of people I don't know.

Reserved-Definitely.

[pardo]

I've been very shy (almost social phobic) in the past, I mostly overcame it a few years ago, but I'm still somewhat restrained in many situations. I view it as a problem of mine, not a temperament trait, and I *hate* it because it prevents me from doing things I'd like to do.

On the other hand, even now that I've won most of my past problems, I still simply don't enjoy big companies, parties and such, I often prefer to see my (few) friends one at a time rather than all together. I usually avoid meeting new people because they distract me from the task at hand and/or from my hobbies (<-which is also the main reason why I've always avoided being too socially involved). So yes I'm very reserved.

Maybe it has something to do with having both INTP and ISTP traits.

[yukino2002]

Like most of the replies here, I'd say that I'm more reserved than anything else.

I can be socially anxious if I am in a group situation where I do not know anyone. But also that can usually prod me to try and find someone I can relate with.

I think I probably appear shy, only because I don't like going through the social niceties of small talk and the initial phases of meeting someone new.

[mcmartinez84]

I think I probably appear shy, only because I don't like going through the social niceties of small talk and the initial phases of meeting someone new.

:steam: I hate social rules. Small talk = awful. I don't remember most people I only small talk with.

[yukino2002]

:steam: I hate social rules. Small talk = awful. I don't remember most people I only small talk with.

Same conversation - different person. Meh.

If only there was some sort of obvious indicator that would tell you which people would be interesting to talk to and which people would end up boring you to no end.

[HomeSlice]

If only there was some sort of obvious indicator that would tell you which people would be interesting to talk to and which people would end up boring you to no end.
yes.
yessss. YES
small talk is utterly useless, puts me to sleep, plz talk about something cool like blowing shit up or running away from the canine unit, even if its a lie i don't care it's interesting, thank you.

[Kleinheiko]

I can be really interesting when I first meet a few people, because I don't really expect to see them again (loosens my inhibitions.) I can hog the center of the conversation, and entertain a group of people for a whole evening. Then the next time I see these people, I turn out to actually be a really "boring" person. That's when I become socially anxious and reserved, when I think that people are expecting me to be somebody I'm really not. I think If I make the tiniest mistake, new friends and acquaintances will not like me anymore. I simply wait and listen to the conversation until I have the chance to throw in a quick one liner or some interesting fact.

[Colors]

That's SO true about me. Mind-reading, quite. I don't know though. People don't seem to like either me. I'm too aggressive or too quiet- nobody's fooled either way.

[Winz]

Shy? kinda, yes. Socially anxious? does Social Phobia count? 'cause if so, then yes :P Reserved? definitely.

[lauranna]

I would say sometimes i appear shy. But it is usually if i am not in the mood to meet people. I do get a bit anxious if i meet someone unexpectedly and out of context and have been known to ignore people i have met before if i bump into them out of context. (like in the supermarket or somewhere) Not because i have forgotten them but because i have a momentary panic when i recognise them because i thought i was alone and i'm thinking. Or obviously not alone as such but alone as in anonymous. Amongst strangers. And talking to them would be like way too much effort if i wasn't expecting it.

On the other hand, in a social situation i am expecting i am confident, reserved if i don't know people, but not averse to conversation. And talkative, fun and chatty with people i do.

So i do not experience social anxiety as such.
Only Unexpected social anxiety when they try and interrupt my alone time.
I generally get along well with most people and people who don't know me well would entirely misread my personality type as i can do a very good impression of an EF when i want to.
In a work type social situation, with people i don't know well, i tend to be quiet and reserved and listening and throw in witty one liners.

[Anja]

My ISTP son is truly my Enigma. I rarely know what's going on in his head but I know that he's thinking deep thoughts which he seldom chooses to share.

He has a diagnosed case of Social Anxiety Disorder.

Very quiet, but a true barrel o' laffs. He watches a group he is in and slips in little clever quips and unless you're listening closely you'll miss the joke.

He has the power of invisibility and can enter and leave a room with no one noticing. When he was little, someone was always saying, "Hey! Where did Matt go?"

Edit: The family was once eating in a restaurant together and the waitress nearly sat in his lap to attract his attention. She eavesdropped and picked up his name so every time she came to the table, she'd adress him, doin' the eye thing and the whole nine yards.

We were all going, "Matt, Matt. Ask her for her phone number."

He said he couldn't tell whether she liked him or not!

[Grayscale]

plz talk about something cool like blowing shit up or running away from the canine unit

:devil:

My ISTP son is truly my Enigma. I rarely know what's going on in his head but I know that he's thinking deep thoughts which he seldom chooses to share.

...

Very quiet, but a true barrel o' laffs. He watches a group he is in and slips in little clever quips and unless you're listening closely you'll miss the joke.

He has the power of invisibility and can enter and leave a room with no one noticing. When he was little, someone was always saying, "Hey! Where did Matt go?"

sounds exactly like i was when i was a kid. :)

[burkeus]

But it shows me that he doesn't allow intamacy with anyone.

I'm pretty sure he could if he really wanted to. Perhaps he just doesn't want to be one of the ordinary folks.

[yepISTP]

Edit: The family was once eating in a restaurant together and the waitress nearly sat in his lap to attract his attention. She eavesdropped and picked up his name so every time she came to the table, she'd adress him, doin' the eye thing and the whole nine yards.

We were all going, "Matt, Matt. Ask her for her phone number."

He said he couldn't tell whether she liked him or not!


This sounds oddly familiar.

Although normally I'm a pretty good judge of people I am AWFUL at judging their interest in me. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with romantic interest/attraction but even friendship some too.

Any istps feel like this? Is this a typical trait?

[runvardh]

This sounds oddly familiar.

Although normally I'm a pretty good judge of people I am AWFUL at judging their interest in me. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with romantic interest/attraction but even friendship some too.

Any istps feel like this? Is this a typical trait?

Sounds familiar, but I'm not ISTP...

[millerm277]

Although normally I'm a pretty good judge of people I am AWFUL at judging their interest in me. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with romantic interest/attraction but even friendship some too.

Yeah. It's probably let to me missing a few opportunities there. Often...I have to get told by either the person I'm interested in or by someone else before I make a move, because I don't pick up on it, or I'm too reluctant otherwise, because of not being very certain.

[yugyug]

Socially Anxious? Only when having to make a public speech.
Shy? Not really. That's my sister (INFJ).
Reserved? Definitely.

I have the superpower of invisibility, too. Nice feature.

[FrisbeeLad]

Those ISTPs are tricky creatures to read. I bet they got tons of stuff going on in their hearts all the time it's just that no one ever sees it.

That is one of the best quotes regarding ISTPs and emotions that I've seen in awhile from a non-ISTP on this forum. :)

Except...I'd change "all the time" to "often". It's not like we're full of drama, but there can definitely be a serious depth of emotion dwelling (hiding) in there.

[millerm277]

Those ISTPs are tricky creatures to read. I bet they got tons of stuff going on in their hearts all the time it's just that no one ever sees it.

I'd missed this, but it's very true. Combining our distrust of our emotions/how rapidly they can change, with the "reserved" traits of ours, means that 99% of our emotions stay inside.

[ptgatsby]

He has a diagnosed case of Social Anxiety Disorder.

Very quiet, but a true barrel o' laffs. He watches a group he is in and slips in little clever quips and unless you're listening closely you'll miss the joke.

He has the power of invisibility and can enter and leave a room with no one noticing. When he was little, someone was always saying, "Hey! Where did Matt go?"

Edit: The family was once eating in a restaurant together and the waitress nearly sat in his lap to attract his attention. She eavesdropped and picked up his name so every time she came to the table, she'd adress him, doin' the eye thing and the whole nine yards.

We were all going, "Matt, Matt. Ask her for her phone number."

He said he couldn't tell whether she liked him or not!

Mom? Is that you?

All jokes aside, that's a page out of my life. I also have social anxiety. I don't have too many issues being open with those I care about - my wife, sometimes family... but my version of "open" is not other people's, including my wife. I have way worse stories than the waitress story above... I was shockingly dense about female interest in me :shock:

You know you have issues when your INTJ mate complains about you never opening up :cheese:

What is really going on inside just never comes out. That's the only way I can put it. Only once I feel comfortable can I let anything out. This is strangely at odds with how people see me - generally uncaring what other people think. The only times I really become myself, rather than hold myself back, is when I'm in the moment. Tends to be when I'm competing at something, or designing... When competing, I tend to relax, let my guard down, live in the moment. When designing, I'm more like a kid. A really annoying kid :D

[INTJMom]

I have 2 ISTP makes in my family.
They are kind of shy and reserved unless they are with people they know well.
Once they're comfortable, they are funny and easy to be with.