Quote:
Originally Posted by vybelist
Why do people feel so strongly about these issues? Because the "dating game" is such a dangerous game to play! Whether you are the predator or the prey, you are quite likely to be hurt by the recreational dating scene. Some may come out unscarred from the pit of snakes, but is that any reason to walk through it?
Any tips....
Dieing to hear back from you people....
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Well, pretty much everything in life can be considered dangerous, depending on your tolerance for risk.
Compare driving a car. If you drive along a fast road with no barrier between you and oncoming traffic, then your life is in imminent danger practically every minute. Any of the oncoming cars could swerve into your path; any of the drivers could be drunk or having a stroke or heart attack (or just be distracted trying to swat a bee trapped in their car) as they are approaching you. Or if you're the driver, a child or a bicyclist could dash out in front of you, you could look away from the road at the wrong instant just as another driver pulls out in front of you, etc.
Something like 40,000 people die in auto accidents in the U.S. every year. And that only counts actual deaths; the number of injuries, crashes and dents is much higher that that. But people take the risk and continue to drive.
So it always seems kind of funny to me when someone is skittish about dating and getting into relationships. They drive their cars and do other "dangerous" things without any particular worry or alarm. So what's so special about the dangers of dating?
I think people accept risks like driving cars because the skill of driving an automobile is fairly easily learned and the negative consequences are obvious. People can weigh the risks that they are taking and even take steps to manage the risks (don't drive after drinking, obey the speed limit, drive defensively, equip yourself with a good set of all-weather tires for storms, etc.). Dating, on the other hand, can be kind of opaque to a neophyte. From the outside it may look like an unmanageable snake pit (as the OP put it), and it may take years before one can become competent at it and learn how to properly manage the risks.
Also, some people dread humiliation even more than they dread physical injury or death. According to some famous survey, many people fear doing public speaking even more than they fear death. So perhaps some people consider a car crash to be a more acceptable fate than a rejection from someone of the opposite sex.
There are probably other considerations as well. But as someone who has dated a lot in the past, I would just argue: Dating is like riding a bike: It takes practice, and you'll probably fall and skin your knees the first couple times. But it's learnable. The risks are manageable as well; eventually you learn to spot the danger signs and put up appropriate personal boundaries. And once you learn it properly, it's like riding a bike--you never forget the skill.
As for humiliation, rejection, and injuries to one's pride and feelings: Those things aren't
that big a deal. Feelings are flexible and resilient. They snap back sooner or later. I think people ought to get in the habit of publicly humiliating themselves on a regular basis, just so they learn how to deal with it and bounce back from it. People who are afraid to put their pride or their feelings on the line are probably missing out on a lot in life.