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This is usually the source of significant contention between myself and those I believe to be ISFJs: we have different plans, and mine seems clear cut and solid, so I have no intention of doing anything other than what I had in mind. When I'm in a relationship its tough to be stubborn, or do a 180 and become the little lap dog, but when I'm talking to a stranger who is getting on with the bullshit, I just can't stand it. What I'm saying is that, alot of ISFJ's make plan and just expect me to go along with it, "just because." I usually do my own thing, and as I said, the shit begins.
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Sounds like you have your own plan. And your exes do too. And you all are very stubborn. Has it to do with type? Sounds like you have more in common than you think.
You are attracted to these women for a reason. And yet you claim they are unattractive/normal and have horrible personalities. Maybe it would do you better to recognize the qualities you are attracted to in them instead of loathing what you are drawn to? Then you could determine if these qualities were worth pursuing- and change your behavior accordingly to maximize your results.