Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmale
I think it's more that I would like her to spend more time with me- than wanting her to change her personality- which I happen to be very fond of. Since she is very much interested in abstract pursuits, what would be a good strategy for her to accompany me to events which she absolutely hates? I like to go out to a good party- whereas she would rather stay home and read a book. I don't mind she has these interests- it's just sometimes, I would like her to make more of an effort as opposed to me always making the suggestions.
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The best way to increase the chances that she participates in activities with you is by presenting her what you want to do, explaining why it is important to you and letting her freely make a decision without her feeling pressured.
For example, supposing you are invited to A's place. You might present the situation in the following manner: "We're invited to A's place. I would like to go there. I would enjoy it if you came with me as I like being with you at parties. However, I have no problem with you staying at home if that is what you wish. I would not be offended if you do. So, what would you like to do?".
If you have to talk about the issue, do not cause an argument. Simply state things in the following way: "I understand that you don't like participating in these activities. However, I must also tell you that I feel it's a pity because I would like to share my enjoyment of them with you. At the same time, I want to respect your preferences". Importantly, you must never get angry at her for not coming. This may seem counter-intuitive and feel weak in the short-term but it yields higher rewards in the long term. What you have to achieve is to make her empathize with your position instead of feeling obliged to participate. The reason for this is that, if she feels the latter, she will react in a knee jerk manner to re-assert her independence and show she cannot be controlled. This will subsequently make her more resistant to future demands as she will have associated this specific behavioral response to your specific demand. She must feel as though there will be no negative consequences on your behalf if she doesn't. This will not only make her feel loved but it will also maximize the chances of her coming.