Quote:
Originally Posted by Natrushka
The 'used to scream and stomp and throw things" was when I was a teenager, btw, reacting to my parents. And while I think about the throwing of things and the nasty biting comments, I don't say them.
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This is how I am, too. Ironically, I have no problem cursing out my co-workers. Intimidating others
does make me feel better.
I usually am disappointed in the response after yelling. Usually people yell at me back, whereas I expect them to cry, thus ruining my conception of what would happen.
I usually fantasize about cursing out and insulting people I'm attracted to just to make them cry. My life pretty much consists of imagining scenarios like that and then imagining the other person's responses. I don't know, maybe it's their inner weakness that turns me on. (And this is why I don't really think I'm asexual, but more of a fetishist, I guess.)
I also get pleasure when I imagine a scenario of someone who wronged me in the past begging for forgiveness. I imagine myself replying with a nasty remark. Quite symbolic, actually, since I'd be giving that person a taste of his own medicine. And the thought that this would drive them to suicide gives me the feeling I've accomplished something. What can I say? I'm an angry motherfucker.
Hell, I even imagine doing this to my parents. But I especially refrain from this because there is a high probability that I would no longer get money for my birthday or Xmas. Yes, my parents are ultimately too useful to me.
I only fantasize about such things. Unfortunately, I am too shy and wimpy to do this in real time, because in reality, situations like that are considerably harder to predict and control. So I just live these fantasies in my head. (I wish I didn't have to come out of them from time to time.)