I start throwing tomatoes, pfft, like it'd be great had I used knives instead. I lost control once, but I never really did when I got to my darkest state I imploded shortly after, this affected me more than the people I upset because I got into this self doubt funk and had to repair that reality. I mean I started to question what were my values and belief system constructed on and was I wrong or right to explode. Then I stopped trusting that anything I said was good. And promptly decided to deconstruct everything that I stood for which caused me to fall off my perch into high level of insecurity for a long time. Until I got back and thought well that was weird. Why did that effectively cause me to falter, and I'd say it was because I was trying to prove myself that that instance wasn't as bad as it was. And in the act of wanting to prove I disproved and got more stubborn about it until I let it go.
