Okay Gabe I understand what you're saying and I've no problem with it.
One minor clarification though:
That isn't quite what I meant... in fact I kinda was trying to say that this was the
perception that I sometimes get. But owning that it's subjective, and not expecting anyone else to agree but rather, trying to get to the bottom of why I have that perception, always quite open to the answer
not being "because it's true".
Of course the things I say seem realistic and sensible from my point of view, otherwise I wouldn't be saying them. But if they don't seem it from someone else's point of view then I'd rather they just told me so and explained why, than snark at me and get defensive - which is not what I'm saying you're doing, but it's what he does. In fact it might not even be what he does, but simply my perception of what he does. Point is, bottom line: I have this perception, this impression, and here are my reasons for it. I know it might be wrong, so my main concern is to examine it and find out the truth. In this case, I'm not out to win - I don't have a point that I strongly believe in that I want you to adopt. All I have is a perception and a bit of confusion, so when you react the way you have been, I want to know
why that seems to strengthen this perception, giving you the benefit of the doubt and believing you when you say it's not so.
Imagine you and I are sitting on either side of an opaque wall that has just one small transparent window, about the size of the palm of your hand. I'm wearing red tinted sunglasses. You hold a green apple up to the window and say "this is a green apple". I say "it's not, it's a red apple". You adamantly insist that it's green, but I equally adamantly insist that all I see is red. You don't know that I'm wearing the sunglasses and that I'm really telling the truth about what I see, but I've been wearing the glasses so long I've forgotten they're even there, so I don't click that they're the reason we're arguing or think of taking them off.
Now, what I want to do is get to the bottom of why you see green and I see red. I'm not calling you a liar, but what I see is what I see, and I'm not lying either about what I see. If you and I could focus on believing each other's intentions to be good, and not doubt each other's sincerity, we could probably come up with a series of "experiments" that would soon reveal the sunglasses to be the real culprit for the misunderstanding. I'd suddenly realize I was wearing them, take them off, laugh and kick myself, and thank you for removing one more obstacle that was in the way of my aim of obtaining a clear perception of reality. I'd never call a green apple red again, and if I ever saw one that seemed red, I'd be checking to see if I'd inadvertently put those sunglasses back on without realizing it.
Does that reach you at all?
