When my brother (ENFP) and I argue, both of us have a tendency to randomly cycle through 'cases' and 'explanations', presenting them with gusto and enthusiasm when in fact, we don't really stand by them or believe them. We're just both in the full swing of "persuasion mode". When we say a certain thing, it's not because we personally feel that thing is particularly important, but we're hoping that the other person does, so that we'll have a "bite", as it were. We're just trying to find or hit on something that the other person will respond to, so we know which avenue to go down, to persuade them of whatever it is. That's the similarity.
However, here are the differences: he fumbles around for an emotional point of access; he's looking for some way to persuade me that whatever it is he wants me to believe, do or whatever, will make me happy; that it's the right thing and what will make me and everyone else happy. When I do it, I'm looking for a way to present my aim as The Only Logical Option (tm). I use facts and concepts to persuade, and my theory is usually pretty consistent; I'm building a case, using blocks that the other person pretty much hands to me by showing me what things are important to them; their points of access.
He uses quite random (apparently) and circular arguments, using value judgements and stuff to present the alternatives as: 1 - do as I say and everyone will be happy and you'll be a good person or 2 - don't do as I say, but then you'll be mean and selfish and nobody will like you. My options are more like 1 - do as I say, and everything will work out, it'll all fall into place, though it may not be easy or 2 - don't do as I say, in which case, it's your funeral mate!
It can appear that we're both superficial, because neither of us believes entirely in much of what we say, we're just using it as persuasion ammo. But at the root of it, there's another thing we both have in common: that we both believe in the
objective or aim that all of these things point towards. More than one way to skin a cat; all roads lead to Rome, etc.
Picture it like a staircase made of Lego. Though we don't personally care for the colours and shapes of the building blocks, or even the shape of the thing when it's finished, the point is that it's in the right place, does the right job and leads to something we do believe in, very strongly. It doesn't matter whether we, personally, like the colour - what matters is that the staircase possesses the right properties to appeal to the person in question and to make them want to climb it.
I feel I might have confused the issue even more here... lol
But of course, when we both team up to persuade
someone else of something, they really haven't got a hope in hell of getting away unpersuaded!
